Page 27

Chapter 27

Choices

Oz was oddly quiet, just staring at him with an inscrutable look.

"Oz?" Logan whispered. "C'mon. Don't leave me hanging here. Say something. Please."

"None of this…" Oz began, clearing his throat. "None of this was supposed to happen."

"But it did," Logan interrupted. "So — "

"Logan, you told me to talk, right?" Oz blew out a deep breath. "Then shut up and let me talk."

Logan hesitated, then nodded; making a zipping motion over his mouth.

"So now we have to figure out what to do about it next." Oz looked down with a sigh. "And I've been trying. It's not like someone's written a guidebook called ' 10 Things I Queer About You ' covering how to handle a relationship between roommates on the down low."

Oz paused. "Well, outside of porn, I mean," he corrected himself.

"I'm…not sure that counts," Logan told him solemnly. "But I'd be happy to be proved wrong if you'd got some recommendations for us to watch."

It earned Logan a flash of a smile, at least, before Oz cleared his throat. "When Eli showed up at the club, it was like a gift."

"I'll say," Logan murmured fondly, earning him a small smile from Oz.

"He's a good friend. A great friend. And yeah, he's a pretty great fuck, too," Oz said in a low, harsh voice. "He was my first for a lot of things. But not until after he'd taken one look at the babiest of baby gays who'd snuck himself into the club with a fake ID, and told me right to my face to go home; not to come back until I was legal. But while I love him for all that, I'm not — y'know — in love with him. And his aro ass is never in love with anyone . That's why we work."

Logan frowned. "So…what? You took me over to his place to teach me how the whole friends-with-benefits thing is supposed to go?"

"No," Oz said. "I, uh… Maybe? There's a saying: 'I don't know if I want to do him, or to be him', right? And with Eli, I thought I had both. I'm… I'm not aro. But I thought maybe, if I hung out with Eli, I could learn — or at least, that I could pretend. That I could fuck him, and Lee, and Brett, and any other guy I wanted, and just leave when I was done; no strings attached. Except then you — fucking Logan St. James, the guy I'd blamed for making the last four years of my life total hell — you came along and acted as if I was some pining, hopeless damsel. Like you were God's gift to the gays — "

"Are you saying I'm not ?"

" — here to save me from the horrors of whatever you imagined was my sex life," Oz continued, ignoring him. "And disabusing you of that was tempting enough, but then you fucking knelt at my feet; begging me. ' Oh, Oz! Please, please let me play with your massive, mighty cock — '"

"I don't remember saying it like that."

"Shut up. I won't let you tarnish my most cherished memory with your 'logic' and 'facts'," Oz said, making little air quotes. "' — Oz, with your big, sexy brain — "

"Okay, granted; that sounds like me."

" — Oh, please, Oz! I need your help! " Oz's lips pursed thoughtfully. "And then I think we rescued the galaxy or something."

"Definitely remember that part," Logan nodded sagely.

Oz sighed, some of the humor draining from his face. "My point is, you weren't supposed to be any different from those other guys. Given our history, you shouldn't have been any different. But here you are, turning my life inside out on me again. I guess you've always been pretty good at getting under my skin."

"I'm…sorry?" Logan offered, confused.

Oz's eyes flicked Logan's way, an amused little smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"You should be. Because when I'm in here with you, I… It's easy to forget how it's supposed to go. That I can't keep you. That after all this was done, I'd have to let you go."

"What if I don't want you to let me go?"

"Well, it just so happens: that makes two of us," Oz sighed. "I just… I don't know what to do with you."

"You've had some pretty good ideas in the past."

"Yeah, but that was before — " Oz made a little all-encompassing circle gesture. " — and now you're talking about coming out? Logan, up until yesterday, you were straight."

"No, yesterday you called me straight,' Logan corrected. "As you were grinding your cock into my ass, I'll add. So I'm bi. Why is that so bad?"

"Because you don't have to be," Oz huffed, tipping his head up to glare at the ceiling. "You should go get yourself a girlfriend, get married, have your two-point-five babies. Be happy."

Logan glanced over at him. "I don't want kids, Oz."

"What?"

"Don't want 'em. Don't need 'em to be happy. Next excuse."

"You don't want them now , you mean." Oz flicked his fingers dismissively. "But you'll change your mind one day, and then — "

"You gonna 'change your mind one day' and start dating women?" Logan asked pointedly, even though he already knew the answer.

" No. " Oz glared.

Logan just shrugged. "I mean, if you do, count me in, but…" He spread his hands.

Oz hummed unhappily, frowning.

Logan leaned in, bumping their shoulders together. "If you want kids, and for some reason I change my mind, and we get to that point, and a million other ifs fall into place? Then there's… I don't know, adoption or something, I guess. Because if I have to have them, then you better be part of the deal to suffer right alongside me and make it worth it. But until then? Not the problem you think it is. Definitely not enough to make me give you up."

"Okay, but… what about your football career?" Oz asked. "Being an out queer athlete can't be easy."

" What football career?" Logan snorted. "Have you ever done the math on how many college football players there are vs open spots on the professional teams? Lemme sum it up for you: not a lot. I'm good enough to play ball for the school, but I've no chance of going pro. I'm here to get my business degree, and then go get a job selling houses like my mom or something."

"Not coach?" Oz asked, surprised. "With your dad — "

"Nope," Logan interrupted loudly, cutting Oz off and popping the 'P'. "Best example I can think of to keep me away from coaching, actually. But not all of us are chasing a bowl ring, is what I'm saying. I'm living the best years of my football career right now, and I'd like to fully live them, right? Because then…who knows? I've had it beaten into my head my whole life: ' The best defense is a good offense.' Well, I'd rather be living life on my own terms like Danny than sneaking around as if it's shameful, hoping I don't get 'caught' for something I've no problem doing. Coach is always on us to think of ourselves as role models. What kind of role model would I be if I'm lying to everyone? Lying to myself , pretending to be someone I'm not?"

He glanced over at Oz's profile, deciding to make a final run at the goal.

"Can you imagine how differently things would've played out between us back then, if I'd had a few role models who stood up and said, 'I'm queer, and I play sports. And it's okay if you are, too.'? "

"There's out queer athletes," Oz murmured, but there was a thoughtful tone woven inside.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and they've always been easy to find and well respected, right? You don't think they could use just one more standing behind them?"

Oz looked down at their joined hands, where they lay resting across the seam of their thighs. "Rule Six, then," he whispered.

"Huh?"

"Our deal: I'm invoking my right to make a Rule Six."

Logan swallowed. "Okay. What?"

"When you come out," Oz said, and Logan was gratified to hear he'd finally dropped the 'if'. "When you come out, you have to promise it'll be on your own terms. That you can't let anyone — me, or Ashton, or someone on your team — you aren't allowed to let them make the decision for you. Big or small, soft or loud, tomorrow or never at all; you have to swear it'll be in your own way, Logan. That… that you won't let anyone else take your choice away."

"So I just… what, go downstairs and announce it to the whole dining room during dinner?"

Oz fidgeted, then sighed. "It's up to you. Personally though? There are options less confrontational than that. I'll help you in any way you like, too."

"So…" Logan took Oz's hand in his. "I could stroll down to the dining room for dinner, holding my boyfriend's hand?"

Oz flashed him a quick, shy grin. "You could. Is…that what you want?"

"I… don't know." Logan considered it, but… He shook his head. "No. You said they were putting dinner away, so there's no point. And I don't think going, 'Hey, everyone! Stop fighting over the last roll and look at me! I fuck dudes!' is the way I want to do it anyway."

"You're right. You should at least wait until Mr. Gideon brings the dessert out," Oz said, eyes glittering with mischief. "But I suppose it's up to you. Just know that I will be using you as a personal shield if another food fight breaks out."

Logan chuckled, then sobered. "So, you really wouldn't mind being part of it?" he asked. " I won't lie and say that wouldn't make it easier, but… You wouldn't feel as if I was using you as a prop?"

"Tell you what," Oz began in a downright sultry voice. "I'm in — dinner declarations and all if that's what you want — and you can make it up to me later while I clean the mash potatoes off your face."

"With your cock?"

"Naturally."

"Good," Logan smiled, cupping Oz's chin with his free hand. "Then I'll do it how I want, then, if that's what you want."

"It is," Oz said, his eyes glinting with humor and anticipation as Logan's gaze flicked to Oz's lips and he leaned in for a kiss.

But Logan froze, scowling as a thought struck him. "We gotta change the safe word, though."

"Oh?" Oz laughed nervously. "'Sex god' not doing it for you?"

Logan hummed, sliding his hand down the back of Oz's neck.

"No, see — my sex god is very much doing it for me," he explained. "But… I did a bit of research — "

" Research? Do tell," Oz's face lit up, before turning a little sheepish. "I, uh… I'd only done something like that once before, and he was as terrible of a Dom as he was a teacher. But I'd be happy to go over the source list for this 'research' of yours and learn. How many gigs of porn are we talking?"

"Just forums," Logan smirked, correcting himself. " Mostly forums. But they all say a safe word's got to be something I wouldn't say during sex."

"Flatterer," Oz murmured, both his hands coming up to cup Logan's cheeks as he smiled.

"Still true," Logan pointed out, before closing the last whisper of distance that remained between them, laying claim to Oz's mouth.