CHAPTER FIVE
Journey
I hated saying those words, a festering pit of dread in my stomach. They were lies. All lies.
It wasn’t just sex. It never was.
It was truly a special night. It always would be.
I wanted more of him. I always would.
I agreed with everything he said. I never disagreed.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let my heart get broken once again.
Even if it was the best sex of my life. Even if I’d never felt like this about a man before.
In the end, the pain was not worth it.
“That’s not possible. My job sends me here all the time. I guess you’ll just have to see me around, then.”
“What don’t you get, Cullen? It was a one-night stand.
A one-time thing. Okay?” Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks and I turned away quickly before he could see them.
I walked away, past other customers, past the concerning looks from my mother, and didn’t stop.
Away from the store, the parking lot, this town, my life, everything. I just kept walking.
“Journey, wait!” Carina called and my shoulders sunk, my tears running down faster. I couldn’t let her see me like this, she wouldn’t understand. But her quick legs got the better of me. “What’s wrong? Is it Lucien?”
Earlier today, Lucien called a family meeting and said he decided to pursue a career in construction, and he joined the new construction crew in town.
“I needed something different you know? Get out there and see the world.” Lucien told us.
I knew the time would come eventually but our parents couldn’t handle it, Mom in tears and Dad asking a thousand different questions.
So, while I was sad about my brother’s news, I didn’t want Carina to know anything about Cullen. It was easier to pretend it was only Lucian’s news upsetting me, than to tell her about the more pressing issue- my heart, cracked open, another dating disaster for the books.
“It’ll be okay. You know he’ll still be up our asses even if he no longer works here.” Carina pulled me in for a hug. “If there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here.”
“Thanks. But I think I need to go home and get some rest. Do you mind covering for me? And can you let Mom and Dad know?”
“Sure, will do.”
Yet the entire ride home, I couldn’t get the image of Cullen’s face from my mind, the disappointment and sadness from my words, reflected all over his expression. I didn’t mean to be so harsh sounding, so uncaring, and insensitive.
I hurt him. I hurt him badly.
But maybe now, we could both move on.
Two months later
I stared at the two pink lines until they blurred into two.
No, no, no.
It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible.
I was on birth control; we used a condom…how?
I sat on the toilet seat with a thud as my body shook with nerves. It had to be a false positive. Those happened, right?
But your period is late…several weeks late.
I ignored the signs. The fatigue and the queasiness. The sore breasts and no sign of my period starting.
My breathing increased and my vision became hazy.
How would I tell my family? Oh, hey guys, I had a one-night stand and now I’m pregnant. Yay.
“Journey?” A soft tap at the bathroom door caused me to scramble to my feet. I tossed the test and box in the trash and covered it up with a few tissues. “Mom said you weren’t feeling well, so I brought you some soup.” Carina said.
“I’ll be right out.” I said, while gripping the counter and staring in the mirror. My face was pale, dark circles under my eyes, and a few new fresh breakout spots.
Well, at least I looked sick.
With a deep breath, I opened the door and smiled at Carina. “Hey, sis.”
“Ouch. You don’t look so good. Let me tuck you into bed.”
“Thanks for the compliment.” I said as I shuffled back over to my bed before climbing inside.
“Maybe it’s the flu or something?” Carina said as she tucked the blankets in around me.
“Yeah, maybe.” More like the baby flu. Ah!
“I’ll put the soup in the fridge. Just heat some up when you’re ready.”
“Thanks.” I mumbled and pulled the covers over my head.
“Oh, and by the way, Cullen came looking for you. Said he had an important message for you.”
A chill ran through me at the sound of his name. “He did?”
“Yeah. I guess he went out of town for a job, that’s why he hasn’t been around much. But he told me to tell you he said hi. He’s really cute, sis. I think he likes you.” Carina wiggled her eyebrows, and I wanted to toss a pillow at her head.
But now it made sense why I hadn’t seen him around much lately. Maybe it had nothing to do with me at all? How he wants to even say hi to me was beyond baffling. But maybe he really did just want to start over?
“You hooked up with him, didn’t you?” Carina pulled the covers away from my face and moved closer.
“Hey, don’t get too close! I might be contagious.”
Carina rolled her eyes. “I doubt it. Now answer the question.”
“No.” I lied. Where was this coming from?
“You’re a shitty liar, sis.” Carina laughed.
“It was nothing. A one-time thing.”
“I knew it!” Carina clapped, her voice loud.
“Shh. My head is pounding. Thanks for the soup. Now shoo.”
Carina laughed again. “I love how I’m always right. I want more details later when you’re feeling better!”
When she left, my mind raced a thousand miles a minute.
A pit in my stomach grew bigger with every passing second. A wave of nausea rolled through me at the thought of announcing my pregnancy. I looked down at my belly and sighed.
What do I do?
Within a week, I told Carina everything and we told Mom together. The men didn’t need to know right now, but one thing was for certain.
I was keeping the baby.
“He loves you, you know.” Carina said over lunch one day.
“What? What are you talking about?”
Carina narrowed her eyes. “You know who I mean. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Maybe tell him about the pregnancy. You never know how he’ll take the news.”
“I don’t know…”
“Whatever you want to do, I’m here for you. But I think he’s a good guy who’d step up to the plate. And the love he has for you is undeniable.” Carina squeezed my hand.
I’d never felt more confused in my life.