Page 23 of Buck Wild Orc Cowboy (Brides of the Lonesome Creek Orcs #3)

Sel

T hat night, after dinner and more self-defense training, we sat in the living room, reading. I got such a warm, comfortable feeling spending time with my family…

I couldn’t stop thinking of them as anything else even though I knew I’d end up with a broken heart one day soon.

Many would call me a fool for thinking of Holly and Max that way, but I couldn't help it.

She was my fated mate even though she didn't know it, and I was falling fast and hard, common with mate bonds.

She didn't share the mark, but I hadn't claimed her, and often, the mark appeared after a claim.

Orcs knew what this meant right away, and it was celebrated.

While many found their fated mates, just as many did not.

They still loved and mated, but it wasn't the soul bond common with fated mates.

Some said those bonds transcended lifetimes, that the two would meet and love, over and over again.

“I'm going to bed,” Max said, rising from his chair. He crossed the room to give Holly a kiss on the cheek, and my heart warmed even more for the youngling male. He was caring and protective of his mother, as a youngling should be.

I'd be proud to call him a son.

That thought made my breath still in my lungs, and while it was followed by a surge of pain for the loss of my daughter, the sharp edges had started to smooth. I couldn't have loved her any more than I did, and I'd adored her mother equally.

But they were gone, and my life had continued.

I'd never thought I'd love anyone else again, but I hadn't thought I'd ever meet my fated one.

It hurt to think that Holly and I might only ever be friends.

After Max went to bed, I tried to focus on my book, but the letters blurred. Across from me, Holly shifted in her seat. She turned a page, then flipped it back. Her fingers tapped on the armrest.

Finally, she let out a soft breath and set her book down on the low table between us. “I think I want to take a walk. I feel restless. Would you like to go with me?”

I froze. That wasn't what I thought she'd say. Most nights, after Max went to bed, we stayed quiet, reading or doing small chores. She'd go to her room not long after he did. I hadn't expected her to stay up later or want my company.

Maybe she was reaching out. Or maybe she didn’t feel safe outside alone. After what she’d been through, who could blame her?

“Of course I’ll go with you.”

She stood and left the living room, walking down the hall. “Max, I’m going outside for a bit with Sel. If you need anything, just come out or call.”

His muffled “Okay” came from his room.

We stepped out into the night. The air had cooled, the heat from earlier gone. The grass still clung to the warmth, but now the scent was different, a mix of damp earth and dew.

Our feet crunched on the gravel as we walked side-by-side past the barn. Cricket chirps filled the air with their steady chorus, and a few birds called now and then from the trees peppering the open plain on all sides.

We passed the barn and stopped at the sorhox fence line. I leaned against the rail and watched the sorhoxes move around the pasture. She did the same. Her arm brushed mine, and she didn’t move away.

Some of the animals stood and grazed, while others lay in the grass, resting for the night.

“I forgot how bright the stars are away from the city,” she said. “It was hard to see even the Big Dipper in Boston. Lights blur everything.”

“There aren’t any stars underground, but iridescent insects speckle the high cavern ceilings, and they provide natural light.

During the insect's daylight hours, they seek mates and rub their legs together, generating a hum orcs can't hear but the insects’ potential mates can.

This rubbing generates light, and we call that time day.

At night, they stop rubbing and rest, and it gets dark other than for a few insects who can't seem to tell day from night.

They're the orc kingdom's stars, but they're nothing like what I've found here on the surface. This—” I waved to the indigo sky overhead with so many stars I wouldn't be able to count them even if I lay on the ground and counted for the rest of my life.

“This is stunning. I'd heard about the surface's sky, but words can't express the beauty. Day is as pretty, though the sun was so bright at first it made my eyes water all the time.” I tapped the brim of my cowboy hat.

“This is why I wear this whenever I'm outside.”

“No sunglasses?” She gazed up at me with what I wished was admiration but was probably just regular old respect.

“My brother, Ostor, has some. He got them in Mexico.”

Her eyes widened. “What was he doing there?”

“Rosey invited him to be her fake date at her sister’s destination wedding. While there, she bought him sunglasses. He looks good in them. I should get some too.” My lips curled into a rueful smile. “It might help me look more attractive.”

“You're gorgeous already, though I imagine you'd be dangerous in sunglasses.”

Again, I was stunned. She thought I was gorgeous? I’d been called many things in my time, most of them said with gritted tusks in the heat of a sparring match, but never that. Not by someone who saw me when I wasn’t trying to be strong. “Why dangerous?”

“There's something sexy about a guy wearing sunglasses.”

Then I needed to get some. Did we stock orc-sized ones at the general store? I'd look tomorrow and wear them whenever Holly was around.

“I assume the fake date turned into something real for Ostor and Rosey.”

“Yes,” I said. “Only one bed.”

Holly's laugh rang out. “Someone's been reading romance novels.”

“I believe so.” She didn’t sound upset by the notion, though I still didn’t believe it would benefit us.

“Tell me more about the orc kingdom? You mentioned insect lights. Do you have them inside your homes as well?”

“We have non-natural lights in our houses that are similar to electricity here. We make power from the flow of the rivers.”

“Hydroelectric.”

“Yes. But our outside, insect lights, while functional, are nothing like the stars.” I tipped my head back to scan the sky.

“I haven’t stopped marveling at it since I came.

The brightness, the clouds, even how the air feels different.

It’s…” My words trailed off as I looked at her.

I wanted to tell her that even the brightest stars couldn’t outshine her when she smiled but swallowed the thought.

Silence stretched between us, but it didn’t feel empty.

I turned, watching her profile. Everything in me wanted to step closer, to say what I felt, tell her she mattered to me in ways I didn’t yet have the words for. But I didn’t know what she was ready for. I didn’t know what she wanted.

After a moment, she spoke, her eyes still on the herd. “My ex needed control. Over everything. Me, especially.”

My muscles tensed. If this male was here… Orc justice was swift and decisive.

“He’d get mad when I made decisions without him,” she said.

“He twisted things. Used silence like a knife. Sometimes worse.” Her shoulders tightened.

“He always made it about money. That was his favorite leash.

He worked hard. No denying that. And he did well, better than me.

I was still training with the chef who gave me my first job.

I could pay my own way, but he made more than twice as much as me.

Boy did he enjoy lording that over me, how he'd paid the rent, the bills, while I barely contributed. By then, though, I had Max, and daycare is expensive.”

I didn’t want to breathe. A sharp ache filled my chest.

“You didn’t deserve that,” I said. “Not any of it. I wish none of it had happened to you.”

She nodded. Her face gave little away, but her eyes… I saw everything there. Raw truth, plus a part of herself I'd bet she rarely let others see.

We stayed like that for a while. Leaning against the fence, breathing.

My insides tightened. I wanted to reach for her, promise things I wasn’t sure I had the right to give. She was healing. Maybe still figuring out what it meant to be free.

She let out a breath, and a trace of smile touched her lips. “Let’s walk some more.”

I eased away from the fence, falling into step beside her as we followed the packed trail running beside the field. Dirt and flattened grass crunched beneath our boots. I shortened my strides to match hers.

The valley stretched out around us, quiet and shadowy. Trees at the far end looked like cutouts pressed against the sky. The rhythm of our steps made the quiet feel deeper, more open.

“What do you want for your future?” I asked.

She didn’t answer right away.

A few more steps passed before she spoke, almost under her breath. “I want to feel safe. Settled. I want Max to grow up strong. Kind. Confident. I want him to know he’s loved every single day.”

My swallow took forever to go down, and I nodded. “And what do you want for yourself?”

She stopped. I halted beside her. Moonlight caught the curve of her cheek as she turned, not looking at me but at the big open valley. “I never really thought about it. I guess I didn’t know I could dream for myself. Not until we came here.”

Pain shifted in my chest.

“If you want to tell me,” I said, my voice rough. “I’d like to hear.”

She looked up, swallowed, and lifted her chin. “It sounds silly, but lately, I have been dreaming of things for myself.”

“There's nothing silly about that. We all need to dream. Like what?”

She shrugged. “Okay, so… I like being here, Sel.” Her cheeks were pink from the cool air or maybe something more. “Lonesome Creek, and well, I can’t imagine leaving. You probably already know, but I figured I should at least say it.”

My pulse skidded, trying to catch up to her words.

For a moment, everything inside me went still. Was she including me in what she liked about this dusty Wild West town?

Hope bloomed where I’d been wallowing in loss.

So much hope. Maybe too much. I’d loved before.

Lost, too. But being with Holly felt like I was standing at the edge of something vast and good.

I wanted to reach for her, hold the truth of her words close.

I'd assumed I was alone in this bond, but perhaps I wasn't. And if that was true… Stars above, if she ever gave it to me, I’d never take her heart for granted.

I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to work the tension loose. My eyes drifted across the open land, the way moonlight glossed the fence rails and turned the grass silver.

She twisted the edge of her sleeve between fingers.

“Despite that, I believe I’m still figuring out what I want.

But… lately, I think maybe I want to be part of something that feels like home.

That feels steady. Safe. I want something that's all mine.” She glanced at me, then looked quickly away. “I'm not sure what that looks like.”

Her words hit deep. If I could, I’d gather all those things and lay them at her feet. I wanted to tell her she already had that, here, with me, but it was too soon and that could push her into something she wasn't yet ready for.

I'd told myself I'd remain patient, and I would. I'd wait forever for her if I had to. Patience was strength.

“You deserve all of that,” I said.

“What about you? What do you want for yourself?”

It took me a moment to find my voice, because I wanted to tell her all my hopes and dreams were wrapped up in her. I wanted to ask her if she thought she could ever have feelings for me.

But I’d known almost from the start that I could not pressure her. She had to come to me because she wanted to.

I kept my statement neutral. “I love it here. The bakery. The routine. Working with some of my brothers. The fresh air. It’s a good life.”

She tilted her head, watching me. I liked the way she really listened. It told me she valued every word. “I can see that. This place is…you.” Her low laugh rang out. “It fills you, but you fill it as well. I’m not sure that makes sense.”

“It does; you’re right.” Could it fill her as well while she filled Lonesome Creek with everything precious she was?

We kept walking, slower now. The night pressed in around us. A few bugs cheeped along the path and something small moved in the grass near the sorhox, then stilled. A mouse, perhaps.

She bumped her elbow gently against my arm, looking up. “ You didn’t truly answer your own question. What do you want for yourself?”

I met her gaze, holding nothing back, and let the words rise because I couldn’t keep them in. “I’d like to build a future with my fated mate.”