Page 33

Emin is silent for the entire ride home. He sits still in the driver’s seat, looking straight ahead out the windshield, his lips pressed into a flat line. It mists gently outside, coating the windows and making the water run like quicksilver down the sides of the car.

It almost never rains here, the land dry and barren. When it does rain, it’s usually brief. It will likely even be done by the time we pull in at home.

Sarina is asleep in the back seat, the excitement of the day having worn her out.

I chew on my lip, wanting to just come out and tell him right now. But he’s already in a bad mood, and I’m not sure why. Then, I glance at Sarina in the back seat.

Maybe I’m ready to tell Emin, but I don’t want to her to overhear it if she’s not asleep. When we tell her, we need to plan for it. Come to her as a united front.

The last thing I’ll ever do is make her feel like Emin is someone she can lose. I’ll tell him first, make sure he wants to be a father to her, then move forward with telling Sarina the truth.

Up until this moment, I didn’t think it was even a question—that Emin wants her.

Wants us. But when he pulls into the driveway, he barely looks at me as we climb out of the car.

I move to the back seat to gather Sarina in my arms and carry her inside, but Emin just brushes me off, reaching in and picking her up.

In her sleep, Sarina lets out a low noise and wraps her arms around Emin’s neck.

It makes my chest tighten. How much she trusts him already.

Together, we move inside, getting her into her room. I tuck her into the bed, undressing her, and Emin returns when she’s in her pajamas, handing me a warm cloth. I wipe off her face, and she curls into me, blinking sleepily.

I lean down and kiss her forehead. “I love you, baby. I’ll come to bed soon, okay?”

She sighs, blinks again. “Okay.”

When I step out into the hallway, Emin is already sitting in his room, roughly yanking off his dress shoes. Still not looking at me.

“Emin,” I start, but when I step inside, shutting the door behind me, he whips his head up to glare at me, the look full of hurt and anger.

“You lied to me.”

It’s only four words, but it makes my stomach drop to the floor.

“Emin,” I start, shaking my head and taking a step toward him. “I was going to tell you—”

“ When ?” he snaps, still keeping his voice below a whisper. Even angry with me, having just found this out, he’s careful not to wake her, not to frighten her. “ When were you going to tell me, Veva? When she turned eighteen?”

“Tonight.”

“Well, that’s awfully convenient,” he laughs, then digs his palms into his eyes, shaking his head. “You were going to tell me tonight, but only after I found out, right?”

“Was it the scent?” I ask, biting my bottom lip. “Did the scent-blocking spell wear off?”

When I look at him, his mouth is open, and he stares at me incredulously. “You…of course. If I’d smelled her, I would have known she was mine.” He pauses, rubbing his hand over his chin. “Every time, I thought there was some reason I couldn’t smell her. But it was you.”

He drops his hands, shaking his head. “You were never going to tell me, were you?”

“What?” I shake my head, holding my hands up. “Yes, Emin, I told you—I was going to tell you, but it was just about finding the right time—”

“You were hiding her scent from me!”

“I hide her scent from everyone !” I snap, breathing hard now and working hard to keep my voice from raising too high.

“From the day she was born, I’ve been casting over her to keep her safe.

And thank the gods I did, because what would have happened if you’d been able to smell her when we first got here?

If you knew that she belonged to you? I would have died fighting you, Emin. ”

He shakes his head, jaw ticking. “No— no , Veva, we would have been able to work it out—”

“Up until very recently,” I say, my voice low, rough as I stare at the polished wood flooring under Emin’s feet, “I thought you knew that I was pregnant. I thought it’s what made you freak out.

That you knew I was carrying your child, and you wanted nothing to do with me.

So, when I saw you again, it’s not exactly like I was happy to see you, Emin. ”

He stalks over to me, bringing his face close to mine. “Are you happy to see me now, Veva? Are you really trying to argue that there has been no point between then and this moment that you could have told me the truth about this?”

Stepping back, he lets out an incredulous, shaky laugh, looking to the ceiling. “I defended you, Veva. When Dorian asked if I was sure Sarina wasn’t mine, I said that you would never lie to me like that. Do you see how that makes me look?”

Now, I laugh, shaking my head and pushing my hands up into my hair.

“You can pretend that you’ve changed, Emin, but that’s what it always comes down to—how you look .

You’re not thinking about the way I feel, or the way that Sarina will feel, or what it’s been like for the two of us to leave everything we’ve ever known—every scrap of independence we had—and move in with you.

A stranger to her, a painful fucking reminder of the past for me. ”

“That’s not fair,” Emin growls, his eyes dark when he lowers his head to look at me. “ All I think about is you, Veva. The two of you have become my entire world.”

“And that’s a very recent development,” I snap. “Ten years ago, you were pushing the two of us out your window.”

He lets out a frustrated groan. “Is this what it is? You’ll hold that against me for the rest of my life, even though you know I didn’t know? Even though if I had known, I never would have done it? Even though we were kids, and I went looking for you the very next day?”

I suck in a breath, some of my anger cooling for a second.

No—that’s not what I want. I don’t want to hold it against him.

But over the course of the argument, it’s like I’ve lost sight of the point.

Like I’ve just been hearing the last thing he’s said, responding to that, forgetting the bigger picture.

“Of course not,” I finally manage, hands shaking, gaze planted on the dresser behind him.

“But I’m also not going to act like it never happened.

I’ve been responsible for Sarina for ten years.

Just me, alone. And I can’t just turn off the instinct to protect her from everyone —and that includes you.

You’re just going to have to be patient with me, Emin. ”

“I am her father .”

I whip my head up so fast I nearly pull the muscle, meeting his eyes, my entire body shaking with fury.

“ Don’t. Don’t you dare, Emin, because up until you saw us in that market, the only thing you were was a sperm donor.

I was her mother and father. You can become that now, become a father to her, but you have no claim over her. ”

My chest heaves with fear and rage. I know I should push them aside, think critically about this—we want to stay in Ambersky, after all. It’s not like Emin laying claim to Sarina will change all our plans.

But the mere idea that this man might control me, might get to say when I come and go, and if I get to take my daughter with me—it terrifies me down to every cell in my body.

“You don’t trust me,” Emin says, the words so plain and outright that they feel like a slap to my face. When I meet his gaze again, there’s still anger there, but hurt, as well. So much hurt.

“I—” I try to think of some way to respond, to tell him that I don’t trust anyone, or that I’m working on it, or that I can see myself trusting him in the future, but I’m cut off by a loud pop from the hallway, and a flash that shines bright through the cracks of the door, underneath it and into Emin’s bedroom like a searchlight.

“What in the hells was that?” Emin asks, whipping around and grabbing the doorknob.

My heart thunders in my chest, mouth turning acrid as we move together in the direction of Sarina’s room.

“That,” I gasp, nearly pushing him over in my attempt to get to her, “was the warning light of Sarina’s protection spell.”