Page 40 of Broken Mafia Prince (His to Break #1)

GIULIA

“ T he fuck you are,” he finally growls, cutting through the tense silence that follows my words.

I reach for my panties, but his hand shoots out before I can make contact with them. “What do you think you’re—” I yelp as I’m suddenly spun and laid flat on my back, Raffaele hovering over me.

He looks more furious than I’ve ever seen him, and it gives me pause, my protest dying on my tongue. His eyebrows are drawn, and his jaw is clenched so tight that it turns his face into sharp, cutting planes. Blue eyes search mine for a long minute.

“Tell me you didn’t mean it.”

I raise one trembling hand and cup his face. “I wish I didn’t. More than anything, I wish I could stay here with you and fight this losing battle, but I have to think about myself here.”

“You think I’m not thinking about you in this messed-up situation?” he asks. “You’re all I’ve been able to think about. You won’t believe how many hours of my day I spend thinking of you, thinking of how best to keep us safe in the middle of this seemingly endless mess.”

I shake my head, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “You shouldn’t have to be the one saving me.”

“Fuck that, baby!” he bursts out. “Don’t act like I’m some martyr or good Samaritan trying to save everybody. We both know I’m an asshole, a selfish one, and the only reason I want you to be safe is because you’re the only thing I care even remotely about in this whole fucked-up world.”

That declaration shouldn’t make me feel so good. Especially after he just confirmed what I’ve always known—that he’s an asshole. But then again, he’s never put any effort into hiding it.

“You know that it could never have worked out,” I point out.

“As a matter of fact, I don’t know. So tell me, why couldn’t it have worked out?”

I sigh exasperatedly. He knows as well as I do why. Everybody in a ten-mile radius knows why, but if he wants me to be the one to say it, then I will. Gladly. I’ll be the bucket of cold water over the last embers of our fire.

“We may as well be two different species on different planets communicating with each other through a busted-up radio.”

A smile curves his mouth. “Someone’s been watching too much Star Wars .”

“ Star Trek , actually,” I quip. “It’s the superior sci-fi movie.”

“Hmm.” He pushes a stray hair away from my face, tucking it behind one ear. The way he looks at me now is the way I’ve always wanted a man to look at me.

I’ve imagined this moment right here for so long.

In those hidden fantasies, the man of my dreams will look at me like I’m a fascinating new galaxy that’s just been discovered, and we’ll go off and live happily ever after.

That’s why it’s a fantasy, though. I’ve long since learned that real life hates when it thinks you have it figured out.

That’s why it throws you a curveball when you least expect it. Like how I never expected to see the scarred boy from the retreat all these years later and somehow manage to end up lying naked under him. Like how we belong to two families that loathe each other.

How are we supposed to fix a generational feud while battling forces trying to keep the feud very much alive? And what if we somehow succeed, and then he stomps all over my heart?

The risk is far too great for a reward that I have no assurance I can keep forever.

“You’re now the head of your family?—”

“Temporarily,” he cuts in before I can say more. “My father will be fully recovered in no time and then?—”

“And then what?” I sit up, frustrated. The entire situation is hopeless. Why can’t he see that? “Then we’ll go back to sneaking moments in an abandoned park and the back of your car? And no, I’m not trying to make you feel shitty about what happened here. I enjoyed it just as much as you did.”

His blue eyes darken. “If you did, then you wouldn’t be trying to leave now.”

My own face hardens into granite. “Did you really just say that to me?” I hiss, reaching for my panties. This time around, he’s smart enough not to stop me.

I dig my index finger into his chest, seething. “You think I should risk my entire life and throw away a future just because you’re hung like a freaking horse?” Saying the words now causes images of his cock to flood my head.

A tingling settles in between my legs, and it only serves to make me more frustrated. I can’t end things with Raffaele while my entire body rejects the idea of never having his hands and mouth on me again.

“You can have a life here,” he insists stubbornly.

I go to grab my bra and find his underwear tangled up with mine.

I pick both of them up and toss his own to him.

“What kind of life could I have here? Once you take over as Don, you’ll have to continue where your father left off in planning attacks against us.

My father is hurt, and his men are murmuring amongst themselves.

Our allies and investors are pulling away.

We’re the weakest we’ve ever been, and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. You’re the enemy, after all.”

He flinches, a flash of pain registering in his eyes that makes me want to bite back the callous words.

“I didn’t mean that,” I say quietly.

“You did,” he replies. “I’d never hurt you, Giulia. I’d never hurt you or your family. This war isn’t ours. It belongs to men who care nothing for anyone.”

I lower my lashes, feeling pathetic for what I’m about to say. “He might not care anything for me, but I care about him.”

“Then I’ll end this war,” he says with the kind of conviction that makes me want to agree with him.

But I’m not a child; neither of us is. Some things aren’t fixable. I pull my jeans up my legs and over my hips without another word. From the corner of my eye, I can see him doing the same.

It’s a far cry from the eager passion we used to undress. The cold seeps in now, and with it, the hard reality. We can choose to drag this thing out, but at the end of the day, we’ll be left bleeding out by a weapon of our own making.

“I never took you for a quitter,” he scoffs.

I slant him a glare. “I’m not.”

“But you’re running,” he points out. “It’s gotten a little hard, so you’re running instead of staying and facing it to the end.”

“What if I already know how it ends?”

He drags his hands through his hair. “That’s the thing. You think you do, but you don’t.”

I’m caught off guard again when he grabs me by my waist and pulls me into his lap.

Raffaele bends his head and buries it into the crook of my neck, a breath shuddering out of him as the rest of him slowly loses tension.

I drag my fingers up his neck and rake them into the short hairs at the back of his head.

He moans, fingers deepening their hold on my hips.

“Raffaele, I’m sorry,” I whisper.

He’s quiet for a long time after I say I’m sorry. I almost think he won’t respond, but finally he does.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. Ever. This entire thing is none of our doing.”

A bitter laugh slips out of my mouth. “Really? ’Cause I don’t remember our fathers forcing us to meet or get naked at the back seat of your car.”

“What will you do?” The question makes me blink in confusion until he clarifies. “What do you think your new life would look like? I want you to know that you can have any of that here. I’d give you anything. Anything at all to make your life here the life you want.”

At that, tears roll from my eyes. I can’t remember the last time someone saw me cry. For far too long, I’ve been a strong, capable woman. Now all I want to do is fall apart so Raffaele can pick the pieces up and put me back together however he pleases.

Maybe the version of me who cares will be brave enough and suicidal enough to stay. Maybe that version will ignore all logical thought and choose him. Unfortunately, that version doesn’t exist.

I start to pull away from him, but he catches my face in his hands and slants his mouth over mine. Unlike our other kisses, this one isn’t hungry, desperate, full of boiling desire. This one is soft, sweet, a tentative plea.

All of me melts into the kiss; even my brain, which should be blaring red lights at me, has gone quiet. How Raffaele can bring both peace and chaos to my life has to be the biggest gag by the universe.

The kiss ends, but neither of us pulls away. We stay there, mouths against each other, breathing in the other’s air. I have the sudden urge to know what he’s thinking. Is he realizing that this is hopeless? Does he wish it had never started at all?

A sharp pain slices through my chest at that thought. Regardless of this heart-wrenching moment, I don’t regret any of it. If I could go back, I probably wouldn’t have wasted so much time fighting this; I’d have fallen right into it and filled every spare moment with him.

“This life I have is already tainted by so much. I deserve a fresh start, an opportunity to know who Giulia Montanari is. Who I really am when I’m not wrapped up in so many layers of armor to protect myself from this world.”

His mouth moves against mine. “We can make our own world here. We can create our own slice of heaven from this chaos. And it’ll be beautiful, baby. I don’t care about this world?—”

“You should,” I cut in.

“It doesn’t care about us, so why should I give a fuck about it?” he rants. “All we’ve done is be its puppets. Don’t you want to stay and fight against everything that has tried to keep us locked in little boxes? Don’t you want them to see you in your full potential and tremble?”

I shake my head. “I just want to be left alone.”

“Giulia—” He reaches for me, but I pull back, hurriedly putting on my shirt. His outstretched hand freezes in the air, and he stares at me with an expression that wrecks what’s left of me.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I don’t have the luxury of being selfish.

I have to think about my father, too. He’s all I have left.

” I wipe my eyes hurriedly with the back of my hands.

“I care about you, too, but it’s too dangerous to stay.

The Syndicate will continue coming after us. How long can we evade them?”

He remains silent, and it’s all the answer I need.

I hold his eyes. “Maybe someday.”

Silence follows my words, and after what feels like forever, I reach for the door handle. That’s when he finally speaks up.

“Maybe.”

I push the door open and step out of the car without another glance at him. I force myself to put one foot in front of the other, again and again, each step feeling like another crack in my heart.