Page 25 of Broken Highway (Cult Boys #1)

And then another first as he takes me into his hot mouth, swallowing to the base in one fell swoop.

His lips purse at the hilt, his eyes peeling to meet mine.

Wants me to watch him the way I always watch him.

Watch him as he sucks my cock—that was just in his asshole—like a lollipop with all the wet smacking and slurping that comes with it.

Devours my cock the way I usually devour his.

My breathing quickens, my chest drawing tight.

My feet convulse, the start of a tremor that courses through my body.

He pulls his mouth back, brushes his lips over the tip of my dick with a breathy kiss.

I’d hate to see the way my face contorts when I let out a restrained grunt as the first shot of my cum lands upon my own lips.

He plunges the head of my cock back into his mouth and swallows every fucking drop.

Sucks the life from me until there’s nothing left and I’m spent beneath the shadow of the crucifix. This is the closest to god I’ve ever felt.

The closest I’ll ever get to him.

The closest I’ll ever get to heaven.

In the aftermath of reaching the heavenly gates, Noah and I lie side by side. Breathless and spent. A quiet reflection falls upon me, but he’s in that same place he always is after he comes. Our fingers brush over each other, but he might as well be a thousand miles away.

“What I said earlier, I didn’t mean it,” I whisper, almost praying he doesn’t hear me say it. It was hard enough to say those three words in the first place. It’s even more difficult to take them back.

“Yes, you did,” he says just as quietly, and it’s like both of us are talking to the wood beams of the arched ceiling instead of each other.

We don’t talk about our feelings. We barely talk about things that matter, and when we do, it’s in short sentences and confessions. We always find a way to turn off the conversation, typically with a dick shoved into one hole or another .

He lets out a heavy sigh and sits up, the hardwood creaking beneath the shifting of his weight. “You don’t love me because you can’t love someone who’s this far gone.”

I nod, because what else would he fucking say? I consider myself a closed-off person, but there’s a wall of ice between us, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to breach it. I brush a thumb under my lip. “Then why are you fighting so hard to stay alive?”

“I’m not.”

“Your actions say otherwise.”

He grabs a fresh pair of boxers from the duffel and pulls them over his junk.

His knees bend with a crack when he stands up, towering over me.

He pinches at the bridge of his nose. “I’m fighting to keep you alive.

” Looks away from me because looking into my eyes when he has something important to say would lead to a mechanical malfunction.

“Sometimes, I swear your smile can light up this whole fucking world. You’re not broken.

” He shakes his head. “Not like me. You’re just lost. I can’t begin to understand what you’ve been through, but I know you haven’t lived as one should.

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and I’m going to make sure you reach it.

Make sure you walk out of this mess and live a long, happy life.

A life filled with love and laughter. An inquisitive life where you can ask as many questions as you want without being told to shut up. ”

I wince as I force myself to my feet, feeling my legs are about to give out as soon as I’m upright. “What if I want to live that life on the other side with you?”

“My destination has always been a one-way trip.”

I circle to the other side of him. Make him look me in the eye when he inevitably confesses for the millionth time that he wants to die.

“There’s no turning back,” he says, but it reads more like a question, like he’s pondering the idea that maybe, just maybe, he’s wrong.

“I’ve done worse things than you.”

“It’s not what I’ve done that haunts me.

It’s the things that’ve been done to me.

I look back and hate myself for letting those things happen.

” Those dark stormy eyes of his glance at his outstretched arms and then to his bare stomach.

“These muscles are a facade. Deep inside, I’m weak.

Always have been and always will be.” He purses his lips as he walks away, retreating down the stairs to take a seat on a wooden pew.

“When I was still with Kevin, I met a guy. I was going to run away with him and start a new life. Kevin had him killed.”

“Did you love him? The other guy, I mean.”

His mouth hangs open, and I wait an eternity for him to speak.

“No, but he loved me, and that was enough.” He chuckles softly, but not because what he says is funny.

An uncomfortable laugh. “Kevin stopped saying it years ago. I mean, I never loved him, but him loving me was enough to make me willing to live in the dark. So, when he stopped, I found someone else who would say it. Someone else who would make me not feel like the loneliest guy in the world.”

I make my way down the steps, passing through the shadows of Mary and the Three Wise Men. Each step feels like a nail being driven through my calf. “Why are you letting me pry?”

“I spent so long on this road alone that the thought of letting someone in terrified me.” He cranes his head upward just as I reach him, standing completely bare in front of him. “You scare the shit out of me, Seven.”

“What’s so scary about me?” A curious smile passes over my lips as I caress his flushed cheek with a hand. “You know, other than the fact that I killed a man. Well, two men now.”

“Scared of what I feel when you look at me. Scared of how I feel when you touch me.” He ducks away from my touch.

“The truth is I’ve never been in love before.

Have never felt it. I think the only person I’ve ever loved in this life was my dad, and he died when I was five. ” He buries his face in his hands

I take a seat on the bench beside him. The cold, untouched wood cools me. I stretch an arm out along the back of the pew, ready to catch him if he falls.

“I’ve spent twenty-seven years in this world, and I’ve never come close,” he continues, and then looks right at me. Right into me. “So, I know you think you love me, but you’ve only known me for a little over a month.”

“And I’ve seen you at your worst. ”

“Which just means you’re completely fucked in the head to stick around.” He laughs with a glisten in his eye. He’d probably say the tears are because of allergies and I’d be content to let him lie right through his pretty teeth. “Guess I’m fucked up in the head too, because what the fuck, punk?”

My ears perk up. “I’m still your punk?”

“Don’t get sappy.” He rolls his eyes. “It just rolls off the tongue.”

He never fell. Never let me catch him. So, I climb onto his lap and straddle him with my naked body. Wrap my arms around the back of his head and smile a shit-eating grin. “Instead of talking, maybe I could suck your dick?”

“Absolutely fucking insatiable.”

“God made me this way.”

“I don’t believe in god.”

I wipe the wetness under his eye with a finger. “What would god say if he had to watch me suck your dick right now?”

“Absolutely fucking incorrigible.”

It’s the sweetest compliment I’ve ever fucking heard, but I’m not ready to pack away our feelings like we always do. There’s just one more thing I have to say.

“We’re not bad people. We did fucked up things to fucked up people who did fucked up things to us. Hurt people hurt people, but sometimes, people deserve to be hurt back.”

“Yeah,” he whispers.

“And you’re right. I did mean it.” Okay, maybe it was actually two last things to say. I brush a hand over his swollen cheek. “I do love you.”

I wait an eternity to hear him say I love you back. But it never comes. Maybe that’s my curse to bear, to love someone who refuses to love me back. The price I must pay for the sins I refuse to repent for.

Four walls and a roof, and the only god I believe in is whatever the fuck this feeling inside me is.

And it’ll choke me.

Drown me.

Devour me.

Destroy me.