Page 136 of Brimstone

I shook my head. “I mean it.” And Idid. My dreams were often nightmares, but they were nothing I couldn’t handle. Carefully, I said,Shehas a tendency to make things feel better.” I laughed, a little chagrined by the admission. “Even when they’renot.”

Foley’s chair creaked as he sat back in it. His eyes narrowed at me, and for the first time, I saw that hedidn’tlook the same anymore. Not quite. His pupils were vertical now, rather than round. There was a flighty, hunted shadow behind his eyes that made my chest hurt.

His hair was cut short.

It should have been longer.

“She?” he said. “The female? Saeris?”

I chuckled at his apparent surprise. “That’s the one.”

He seemed to struggle for his next words. “It’s real, then? The God Bindings? All of it?”

I pursed my lips, taking a beat to stare down at the table. “God, I hope so. If it isn’t, then I’ve officially lost my mind. It feels more real than anything else I’ve ever experienced. She’s . . .” Gods. How in all five hells did you describe Saeris Fane?

“Remarkable,” Foley said. The way he said it didn’t sound wholly like it was meant to be a compliment. The word was at least half of a condemnation.

Again, I laughed. “She’s changed everything,” I admitted.

“And the fact that she’s half vampire? That she’s the ruler of this place?”

“Means nothing,” I said. “She isn’t a half of anything. She’s allSaeris. I love her.”

My old friend watched me, his quick eyes scouring my face. After a long moment, he said, “Okay,” as if that settled the matter and it would never be spoken of again. “What else?” he said.

“You’re coming back to Cahlish,” I told him.

Foley shook his head. “I’m not. I’m staying here.”

“Foley, you don’t belong here. You’re—”

“I’m not going anywhere. I can’t leave Ammontraíeth—”

“Your place is with us. Your friends. We miss you. You need you. We—”

“GODSDAMNIT, FISHER! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE!” He smashed his fist onto the table. His feather quill jumped and rolled onto the roof with a clatter. “There are people I love out there in the world. You. Lorreth. Vash. Mayen. I would sell my soul to keep all of you safe, but the demon crouching on my shoulder’s already fucking taken it. I have no soul left. The hunger eatsme, Fisher.” Tears welled in his eyes, ruby red and confronting—a truth that could not be denied. He spoke it out loud, though, so there could be no misunderstanding. “I am a vampire. I feed on the blood of the living.” He bared his teeth, showing them to me. Gold, engraved, and vicious. “They ripped my canines out when I wouldn’t kneel and shoved these in my mouth so I couldn’t feed. But I still drink, Fisher. Ask me how.”

“It doesn’t matter.

“From rats. Birds. Anything I can hunt, catch, and kill. Because it’s a part of me now. The hunting. The killing. I pull them apart and I drain them dry, and then I do it again, and again, and again—”

“It doesn’t matter.”

A trail of blood streaked down his cheek. “There is no dignity left in this body, Fisher. I’m not your brother anymore. I am something so low and reviled that I cannot even settle on a name for myself. Monster. Devil. Murderer. None comes close enough to explain the evil that crawls in my veins. I—”

“You are my brother. And it doesn’t matter.”

Foley drew in a shaking breath. “I cannot leave this place,” he whispered.

“When was the last time you took a life?”

He closed his eyes. “I . . .”

“When was the last time you attacked a member of the Fae and drank them dry?”

He shook his head, swallowing. “Not since . . . Ajun.”

“You haven’t fed on Fae blood sinceAjun?” I wanted to bury my face in my hands and scream. “Whe—” I stopped. Sighed heavily. “When was the last time you were around a living, breathing member of the Fae?”