Page 42 of Breaking Matt

I kept silent, not trusting myself to keep it together.

"I'm sure Courtney will be fine," he assured me when I kept quiet.

"I hope so." I said the words not believing them at all, but the other options were too terrible to contemplate.

"Your mom wants to talk to you," he said. I heard some background noise as he handed the phone to her.

"Sarah." Her voice brought my emotions back up to the top and I took a deep breath. "She'll be fine."

I couldn't answer her. I pressed the phone tighter to my ear, refusing to allow myself to cry.

"Mom..." I was struggling to keep myself calm.

"I know."

Our call ended soon after that. I was too upset to try and continue the conversation. For a while I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, hoping we were all overreacting and that Courtney would show up finding it hard to believe we'd all worried so much.

The sound of Matthew's phone ringing made me hold my breath as I strained to hear what he was saying. I couldn't make anything out so I shifted off the bed and walked into the living room.

His expression said it all. I felt like someone had ripped the carpet from beneath my feet. I couldn't breathe as I waited for him to say something. His phone was still pressed to his ear.

"I'll see you there," he said, and I began to feel a little dizzy because I couldn't exhale.

He disconnected the call and walked to me.

"You found her," I croaked out.

He nodded.

"Is she alive?" It was the most important question. Was my friend alive? It felt like I had a vise gripping my heart and squeezing it tight.

"Yes," he said and I felt my knees weaken. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close as I fisted his shirt in my hands, holding on to him desperately.

"Sit down," he instructed, and I felt him sit me down on the sofa. I felt dazed and shocked.

He bent down in front of me.

"I'm going to get you something to drink," he said. His voice sounded like it was coming from far away, as if he were in a tunnel. I nodded my head. I didn't really take what he'd said in. Moments later he shoved a glass into my hands. "Drink."

It tasted like water with some sugar. It didn't taste very nice but I forced myself to gulp a couple of sips down.

"It'll help with the shock," he soothed as he sat beside me. I took a couple more sips before I handed it back to him.

I had to pull myself together. Questions were racing through my mind but the most important thing was if I could see her.

"I need to see her," I said, standing up. My need to make sure Courtney was okay made me pull myself together and discard the shock and confusion.

"Sure," Matthew said, leading the way to the front door. He led me to the car. He helped me in and fastened my seatbelt before he got into the driver's side.

I could have asked Matthew more questions about how Courtney had been found but honestly I didn't think I could handle the answers. There wasn't time to break down and get emotional. My friend needed me, and I had to hold myself together for her. I would be able to deal with the answers and my feelings later.

Every few minutes Matthew would look at me, but I refused to acknowledge him. When he pulled up in front of the hospital I began to shake. It was all so real and I wasn't sure I had the strength to do what I needed to.

"I'm here." Soft words and an arm around my waist gave me the strength to put one foot in front of the other and walk into the hospital.

Matthew knew exactly where to go.

The sterile smell of the building hit me as the elevator's doors opened. I was numb. It was a reminder people died all the time, and it wasn't something I wanted to be reminded of at the moment.