Page 16

Dex

J amie’s naked body moved against me, a soft sigh escaping her as she slept pressed to my side. On her other side, one of the guys—in the dark, I thought I could pick out Darren’s body—slept as well.

All week, hell, all fucking year since we’d gotten back from that damn trip on my family’s cruise line, I’d been a wreck. I’d hidden it well, I knew, but the anxiety was still there. Today, it’d all come to a head.

We’d sat down, the four of us—Darren, Cody, Taylor, and me—and we’d decided what we wanted months ago. We wanted her, Jamie Houston, and we wanted her forever. Our lover. Our wife. We’d made this plan and though I’d been all for it, there had always been the lingering doubt of whether or not she would even want all of us. Whether or not she would want me after what she’d been through.

Even now, as I lay there with her body pressed to mine and her scent in my nose, I still wondered if she hadn’t just said yes because of the others. What Stephan had tried to do … I closed my eyes as I felt my fists tighten. Her soft slumbering breaths stuttered and I knew if I didn’t get up and leave the room, I would wake her. I didn’t want to wake her when I was feeling like this.

Carefully, I extracted myself from her slumbering form and as quietly as I could manage, I snuck from the room and into the shared living room. I paused for a moment and thanked whoever had been lazy enough to leave a pile of laundry by the couch because I’d totally forgotten to grab clothes before sneaking out like a thief in the night. I grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and pulled them on before going to the balcony doors and slipping out into the night.

I didn’t smoke, but as I stood there against the railing, staring up at the night sky and the moon hanging overhead, I kinda wished I did. At least, I’d feel like I had a reason for being out here. Quiet contemplation didn’t seem good enough.

Not ten minutes went by, however, before I turned at the sound of the balcony doors sliding open again and spotted Jamie’s soft blonde-brown hair sliding over her shoulder as she peeked out. “Hey,” she whispered, giving me a soft smile. “Do you want to be alone or can I join you?”

Without hesitation, I held my hand out for her. “You can join me,” I told her.

Her smile when it came was beautiful. She slid the rest of the way outside, revealing that she’d slipped into one of my shirts, before coming to me. The sight of it on her body always sent a visceral reaction through me. It was almost like she was letting me mark her. The moonlight gleamed on the ring on her finger. She was letting me mark her, I realized. She was letting all of us mark her.

Jamie took my hand and approached the railing, moving to lean her head against my arm.

“I’m sorry if I woke you,” I said gently, cupping a hand around her waist, loving the feel of her in my arms.

She wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t love me, right? “It’s okay,” she said. “I don’t mind.”

I dipped my head down and inhaled her sweet scent. She smelled something like strawberries, maybe a new shampoo? Whatever the case, it was addictive.

“Are you okay?” she asked after a while. “You were kind of quiet when we got home tonight.”

Home, I thought, turning back and glancing through the balcony doors into the interior of the apartment I’d shared with her and the guys for the last few years.

My family had lived in hotel after hotel and mansion after mansion, but not a single one of those places had ever felt like a true home. This tiny apartment with its messy bedrooms, cramped kitchen, and whining air conditioning unit had felt more like a home than the many in the years before I’d come to Winthrope and met the others.

I pulled her closer. “Just a lot on my mind,” I told her, unsure how to explain my insecurities.

When we were together, just Jamie and me, I was the one who took control. I dominated her. She loved it. I loved it. So, it didn’t feel right to express my fears.

Almost as if she could sense that, her hand clamped down on my wrist and she turned her gaze up to meet mine. “Want to share with me what’s up?” she asked.

My eyes widened at the tone in her voice. Though she’d phrased it as a question, it was clear she wanted to know and even if I turned her down, she probably wouldn’t let up. I sighed. “Don’t worry about it, Baby, I—”

“Do you regret asking me to marry you?” she blurted.

I blinked, pausing as I was stunned into silence. I frowned. “What?”

“Do you regret asking me to marry you?” she repeated, eyes never wavering.

“Of course not,” I said quickly. “How could you think that?”

She bit down on her lip. “Well…” Her gaze turned away from mine as she looked out across the apartment building parking lot and towards where the university lay in the near distance. “You were so quiet and I just wondered … maybe you felt like you had to be ready if the others were ready, but if you’re not ready to commit—”

“No, no, no, Baby.” I turned her forcefully to face me, cupping her shoulders in my hands. “That’s not it at all.”

“Then what is it?” she pressed. “Something’s obviously bothering you, and I don’t want you to think that you have to marry me if—”

“I want to marry you,” I cut her off, feeling the words coming from my mouth with every fiber of my being. “I want to marry you like I’ve never wanted anything in my whole life.”

“Maybe you think having one girl to yourself would be better,” she replied.

I shake my head. “It wouldn’t matter if I had one girl to myself if that girl wasn’t you,” I insisted. “Jamie, I’m in fucking love with you. You’re it for me. For as long as I live, I will never want another woman the way I want you. I’m trying to figure out why the fuck you’d want to marry me.” The idea that she thought I wasn’t ready to commit to her was preposterous.

“What?” She gaped at me.

I realized my mistake almost immediately. “Shit,” I cursed, releasing her and turning away.

“Oh, no.” She grabbed my arm, latching onto me with surprising strength. “What did you mean that you’re trying to figure out why I’d want to marry you?” she demanded.

I groaned. I may have been able to control her and bend her to my will in the bedroom, but in the real world, Jamie was a force to be reckoned with. It was heady, I admitted to myself, having this strong, independent woman get on her knees for me and submit, but it did have its drawbacks. Like now—because there was no way I could Dom my way out of this situation.

A sigh released from me. “I’m just concerned that you agreed to marry four guys,” I said. “You have no reason to not want to marry Darren and Cody and Taylor, but me…”

“What about you?” she pressed when I trailed off.

“I come with baggage,” I said. “My family. My mother. What Stephan tried to—”

“You are not your family, Dex,” she hissed, cutting me off and tightening her hold on my arm at the same time. “Do you think I don’t know myself?”

Shit, how did I get out of this? “No,” I said. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I love you.” Jamie pulled hard on my arm until I bent over, putting her face level with mine. She released my limb abruptly only to move her hands to my face. Her cool fingers touched my jawline, holding me still. “And I am more than ready to make you mine and to give you me in return. I’m not na?ve—okay, well, maybe a little—if I think this can actually work because technically I think it’s illegal to marry more than one person, but we’ll figure it out—”

“You’re babbling,” I informed her gently, trying not to smile. It was growing increasingly difficult. She always made smiling so easy.

“I am, sorry, you’re right. Back to the matter at hand.” Her beautiful gaze settled back on my face. “You are absolutely crazy if you think I agreed to marry you just because of the others. I knew what it meant when you guys asked me to marry you. I knew what it meant when I accepted. I know what I want and I don’t think it’s that hard to figure it out.”

“Even knowing that my family may become an issue in the future?” I asked. “I don’t speak with them much now after what happened, but—”

“I hate that,” she confessed.

“What?”

“I hate that you don’t talk to your family,” she said. “I mean, yes, Stephan was a fucking dick and I don’t like him, but I’ve never liked that you stopped talking to them because of me. It makes me feel guilty—even knowing that what happened wasn’t my fault.”

“I don’t need to,” I replied. “You’re my family.”

“You’re damn right I am,” she snapped in response. “And so are the guys, and family doesn’t lie to each other. So, know that I’m not lying to you now. I love you, Dexter, and I am ready to marry you … and three of our best friends.”

I snorted. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” I insisted even as her hands loosened their hold and allowed me to move closer.

“It’s … exactly … what … I want…” Her voice trailed off as I pressed her chest against mine and lowered my head. All of the anxieties I’d felt before weren’t gone, but they had been assuaged. They were still there, but quieter.

She had silenced them for me and as I pressed my lips against hers, I whispered the truth to her. “Then allow me to give you everything you want, Baby,” I said. “Forever…”