Page 10

Amelia

There was a massive difference between being in love with someone for years and finding another man attractive enough to date.

Fake-date.

I was trying my hardest to rearrange my thoughts.

On one hand, I really did want Kabir. But, I had never given him any clear indication of how I felt until that damn kiss. The one I started. The one he rejected .

On the other hand, I felt like it was my responsibility to move on. To stop forcing something that may only exist in my deluded imagination.

Yes, he seemed off since I’d started dating Sebastian.

Could be written off as fear of losing a friend.

Yes, he seemed jealous when I interacted with Sebastian.

Could be chalked up to his general hatred for the man.

Okay—that last one was a stretch. But I had zero solid evidence that Kabir had feelings for me.

So why the hell was I on this stupid quest to claim him? Why was I obsessing when there was an actual, tangible option in front of me?

Sebastian was interested, wasn’t he?

I didn’t have to decode his words or question his smirks. His flirting was blatant.

‘I’ve lost you.’

Kabir’s broken whisper lingered still. I groaned inwardly. I wasn’t sure what he had meant but it felt as though he hadn’t just implied our friendship.

But given that I had never actually dated before, maybe I owed it to myself to—

“How about signing table on the right and the altar… here? This fountain looks beautiful.”

Leora’s voice yanked me back to reality.

I blinked, processing my surroundings again. Right. Wedding planning.

We were standing in the courtyard of Blackthorn Security, a stunning green oasis tucked inside the fortified building. The entire space was bathed in soft sunlight thanks to the see-through roof, making it feel like a garden outside of time.

“I think the magnolia arch would go perfectly in front of the fountain.”

Delara’s voice.

I still didn’t understand her attitude toward me. The other day, she had exploded on me over absolutely nothing.

And I was the one who usually provoked people, but that time?

That wasn’t my intention at all.

So, when I sent her a small, hesitant smile, and she ignored it completely, I felt my irritation bubble up again.

“Where’s Kaylan?” I asked, shaking it off.

Leora sighed, flipping through a monstrous folder filled with floral arrangements. “Therapy. Dr. Mendoza suggested she increase the frequency.”

I nodded. Fair.

“So… we’re really doing this thing next weekend?”

Leora’s eyes snapped up, and she flicked the page dramatically, giving me an exaggerated glare. “ This thing is my wedding, Amelia. And yes, we’re doing it next weekend.”

I rolled my eyes, but my amusement faded quickly.

“I wasn’t downplaying it, Leora. I just meant that… I don’t know. I wish you were able to invite your family and friends.”

She paused.

Then, after a beat, she pulled a sticky note from her folder, slapped it over a white-and-green floral arch page, and set the binder down.

“If I’m honest, I don’t really mind. And… you’re also my family.”

She flicked her gaze to Delara and smirked. “And friends.”

Delara arched a brow. “Yeah, no. You’ve got to do better than that if you want us to turn into mush, darlin’.”

I let out a chuckle.

Leora squinted at me, pointing out the fact that I was, indeed, already turning into mush.

Dammit.

Then, the bitch punched me in the gut with her next words—metaphorically, of course.

“What’s going on with you and Kabir?”

Before I could even process that, Delara snorted.

“I think the better question is—what’s going on with you and Sebastian?”

My head whipped between the two very intimidating women, then back up to the roof, glaring at it like it had all the answers.

“Nothing.” I said flatly.

Leora’s brow arched in challenge.

“With either of them. Well… I guess you could say I’m dating Seb,” I added quickly but I really wasn’t sure about what I had with Sebastian.

Leora sighed, “I thought…” then hesitated.

Delara, being Delara, had no such restraint.

“Thought what?” She prodded.

I let out a sharp exhale. “You thought I’d end up dating Kabir at some point, didn’t you?”

Leora’s expression was pure disbelief, like she couldn’t believe I was actually saying it out loud.

“Listen,” I said, crossing my arms. “If it didn’t happen in the last six years, it’s not going to happen now. There’s really nothing I can do. And honestly? We’re better as friends. He’s a good friend. A great one, in fact.”

Delara cleared her throat, her voice losing some of its usual sharp edge.

“If you have even the slightest doubt, back off Sebastian. Please. He’s already going through a lot. We don’t need to add heartbreak to it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Jesus, woman! I’m not planning on hurting the man. Is that what your whole outburst was about?” I gestured between the two of us. “You’re mad because you think I’ll break your poor boss’s heart?”

Delara’s eyes widened, like she was caught between amusement and exasperation.

“You’re a blunt lot, aren’t you?” She chuckled.

“First off, that man is anything but poor.” You don’t have to tell me, woman.

“Our whole bloody lifestyle is funded by him. Secondly, no. That week was not about that. I’ve just seen too many people make stupid mistakes because of their emotionally-driven decisions, and I didn’t want you rookies to do the same. ”

Rookies?

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to punch her, start spitting fire, or laugh at the sheer audacity of it.

“We’re all special ops, Delara. What the fuck?”

Leora snorted. “I think she just meant me.”

I whipped around, playfully scowling. “You had better not, Brit! She’s getting married to Zarek. She’s special ops by association.”

“Shitting hell,” Delara groaned, rubbing her temple. “That’s not how it works.”

Leora chuckled. “Not even close.”

The tension in the air loosened slightly, enough that even Delara let out a small laugh.

“Alright, then,” Delara said, rolling her shoulders. “Since we’re all experts in different things, what expertise do you bring for the wedding planning, Amelia?”

I smirked. “Making terrible decisions.”

Leora clicked her tongue. “Self-awareness is key.”

I shot her a glare. “I’ll have you know, my terrible decisions will at least be entertaining.”

Delara raised a brow. “You mean the decision between Kabir and Sebastian?”

Oof . Wasn’t that the truth.

“That is not —” I placed a hand over my heart. “You really just say things, huh?”

Leora giggled as Delara simply shrugged. “I like to cut through the bullshit.”

“Clearly.”

Delara crossed her arms. “I’m just saying, this whole thing is either going to end in absolute disaster… or complete, fiery chaos.”

Leora frowned. “Amelia’s love life or my wedding?”

I waved a hand at Leora. “Thank you! The wedding. Can we talk about that again? That was much safer.”

Leora sighed dramatically. “Oh, now you care?”

“Always cared, Leora. Just didn’t feel like dying today.” I smirked eyeing Delara.

Delara rolled her eyes but the sharpness in her voice was gone now.

After our little wedding planning session, Delara left Leora and me to sunbathe in the courtyard. We sprawled out on the lounge chairs by the pool, soaking in the late afternoon sun. For a while, there was only silence—just the distant hum of activity and the occasional bird overhead.

Then she spoke.

“Have you written it yet?”

The speech.

I groaned, eyes still closed. “I will, woman. Have some patience.”

Leora giggled, that soft, lilting sound that made her sound so damn content. She sighed a moment later, and I didn’t need to look at her to know she was smiling. She was genuinely happy. And I was genuinely envious.

“You know…” she began, her tone thoughtful. “I don’t understand. Why aren’t you with Kabir?”

My eyes snapped open, but I didn’t move. Her question pierced something I wasn’t prepared to examine out loud.

Why wasn’t I with him?

Because he didn’t want me? Because he rejected me?

I let out a breath and finally admitted, “I kissed him. And he rejected me, Leora.”

That made her sit up straight. “Wait—what?”

I rolled onto my side and propped myself up on one elbow. “It was… a while ago. Right after the Bitch blew up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I just kissed him.” My voice cracked slightly. “And he didn’t kiss me back.”

Leora blinked, mouth parting in disbelief. “He didn’t kiss you back?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Just sat there. Fumbled like an idiot. Later he said that he’d even wingman for me. I didn’t need him to do that.”

“How come you’re dating Bastian, then?”

My face twisted with embarrassment. Because that’s what this was—an embarrassing mess. “I went to Seb and asked if we could pretend to date. Thinking that would shake Kabir a bit. God, it sounds so fucking stupid.”

Leora looked like she was trying to process a glitch in the matrix. “So… you’re not really dating Seb?”

“Not really,” I mumbled. “It made sense at the time. I thought if I was around Seb more, I’d forget Kabir. Or maybe Kabir would… fuck! This is a mess. I created this mess.”

Leora stared. “Okay… so you’re not actually dating Seb.”

Was she broken?

“I’m not.” I hesitated. “Wait, I don’t know anymore. We were supposed to be pretending. But it doesn’t feel pretend all the time. Everything’s muddled. He flirts, I react. Then there’s this Grayson woman…”

She bit her bottom lip, thoughtful. “Amelia… I love you, so please hear me when I say this—don’t start something with Sebastian until the Kabir chapter is really closed. You’ll just end up hurting yourself. Or worse, both of them.”

I looked down at the edge of the chair, tracing a scratch in the wood. “I feel… rejected, Leora. And so damn dejected. I don’t think he wants me and this whole thing is all in my head.”

“Are you sure that’s it? Maybe he was just scared before?”

“I don’t know.” My voice was tight. “I really don’t.”

Leora reached over and squeezed my hand. “Then find out. But you do need to choose what you want, not what hurts less.”

We sat there a while longer, the air heavier than before. Eventually, she stood and kissed the top of my head.

“Figure it out, okay? You deserve real. Not… confusion.”

She walked off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The sun was still warm on my skin, but I suddenly felt cold.

Because she was right.

I couldn’t keep pretending.

Not when my heart already knew exactly where it wanted to be.

And it had never truly let Kabir out.

I needed to end things with Seb—whatever this thing between us even was.

Not because I thought I had a chance with Kabir.

But because Seb could never have a real chance with a heart that was already taken.

Groaning, I dragged a towel over my face and lay back on the lounge chair.

And promptly passed out.

Because emotional whiplash? Absolutely exhausting.

???

This was becoming a routine. Me, in Sebastian’s apartment every night—clearing out his alcohol and pretending we had some kind of deal to fake-date.

The dating part, though?

That ended tonight.

I was glad he was sober. I’d been patrolling his drinks since morning like a watchdog. He’d had my tea. At lunch, I’d harassed Chef Matthis into swapping his wine for juice. Dinner had gone the same way.

Still, my conversation with Leora lingered like a whisper at the back of my mind.

I must’ve been showing it on my face—my guilt, my decision—because Sebastian came to stand beside me as I dumped the last of his whiskey down the sink.

“You look troubled, sweetheart,” he said quietly.

I turned, offering him a sad smile.

He nodded before I could even say it. “You’re ending this, huh?”

I gave a half-hearted shrug. “It didn’t even really start, Seb.”

He cleared his throat and took a respectful step back. “I know it didn’t. But I also know how hard it must’ve been for you to even try dating someone who cared more about his next fix than—”

“Hey,” I cut him off gently. “That is not why. We all have our shit. You’ve handled mine with so much grace, and I want to be very clear—it’s not because of your addiction.”

He nodded again, though I wasn’t sure he believed me.

“Seb,” I stepped forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t even pretend to date you—let alone actually date you—because I’d never be able to give you the part of me that’s belonged to someone else for a long, long time.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “Sounds poetic. Kabir’s a lucky bastard.”

I smiled, soft and apologetic. “I was being stupid, asking you to fake anything with me. I’ve never really dated before. And though that’s not an excuse… I wish I’d handled it all differently.”

His smile turned tight, but he didn’t pull away. “I know you love him. We were never going to work, not really. But I’m glad you were here the last few weeks.”

“I’m still going to be here, Seb. You’re not losing your booze police.”

That made him laugh—genuine this time—before he pulled me into a hug. Warm. Steady. No longer intimate, just comfort.

Maybe I’d finally stopped being stupid.

All that was left was talking to Kabir.

And trying to rebuild what I’d carelessly broken. Maybe even get some answers.

Maybe, just maybe… I hadn’t ruined everything.