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My Dearest Avery,

I know I shouldn’t be sitting here, writing the words I’ll never have the courage to speak aloud. I know I should leave you to move on with those you are now surrounded with. But I also know, I don’t only write these letters for you. They are for me too.

There’s a peculiar comfort in transferring my thoughts into ink, watching it dry on the paper and become permanent. There’s an intimacy in knowing that you will read these words and finally know the truth, even if it will forever remain an unspoken vow between us.

You have always been my light. My life has been cloaked in shadows for so long, the kind of darkness that threatens to swallow a man whole. It creeps in around the edges, suffocating joy, erasing hope. Before I knew you, I wandered in that endless night, searching for something—anything—that would make it worth continuing. And then you appeared.

I recall the exact moment I first saw you. Huge blue eyes on an angelic face, blonde wisps that refuse to be tamed. You will never know the power you hold, how your mere presence pulls me from the abyss. Every time I catch a glimpse of your smile, hear your laugh—it’s as if the weight I carry lifts, if only for a fleeting moment.

I wonder, sometimes, how someone so full of life can be so unaware of the effect they have on the world. You radiate warmth, kindness, and something else—something that is yours alone. Something that emanates from you when you dance, a sense of power invisible to the eye but has the force to bring grown men to their knees.

I have spent years observing you, waiting for the right moment to step forward. But every time the thought crosses my mind, fear claws at me. What if my presence taints that light? What if, when you finally see the real me, you turn away? I could not bear that. I wouldn’t survive it.

And so, I will remain as the man who has loved you from afar, who has cherished every moment you were unaware of. Every letter I send is a piece of me, a confession of love that I am too afraid to speak aloud. They have become the only way I know to reach you. In these letters, I am brave. In these letters, I am whole.

I am not perfect. I am flawed, and my life is far from easy. But you have given me reason to live, to keep fighting through the darkness, because somewhere out there, you exist. And for that alone, my heart beats.

I do not ask for you to love me in return. All I ask is that you allow me to share your light from a distance, and know that in you, I found my salvation.

Always Yours,

XO