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Chapter Twenty-Nine

AURORA

C onsidering what I do for work, it’s not abnormal to have a weird day. Today topped the weirdness, though. Between fucking Theo, the awkward run-in with Austin, the bomb of a segment with Austin, and then Theo disappearing to talk to Nathan, all I want to do is melt into my hotel bed and think about nothing. Sounds a lot better than getting lost in my head, full of regrets, desires.

I shouldn’t have slept with Theo. I shouldn’t have liked it. I shouldn’t crave all the things that he did to me, all the things he could do to me.

I roll onto my stomach, burying my face in my pillow. I need to stop thinking about it. But I can’t. Every time I close my eyes, I replay things. The way his mouth felt on my pussy, the little whimpers he made, how he made me feel fuller than anyone ever has before.

My ex, the only guy I’ve really dated, used to roll his eyes whenever I asked him to go down on me. Theo dropped to his knees and begged to eat my pussy, fucking drooled over me. My ex was always a quick fuck. Sex with him felt like just another thing on my to-do list. I can imagine having sex with Theo for hours and—fuck!

This is the opposite of forgetting about it.

A knock on my hotel door gets my attention. I slowly sit up and walk over, peeking out the peephole. A sigh escaped the lips. Why won’t the devil get off my back? Is a break from him too much to ask?

I debate on whether I’m going to answer it before I finally give into the niggling desire in the back of my skull that wants to see him.

“Yes?” I ask as I open the door.

Theo grins at me, a sparkle in his brown eyes, almost like I didn’t run away from him after sex. He’s still so goddamn handsome too. “Got ya something, baby doll.” He hands me two sloppily put together bouquets of red roses. It looks like one bouquet was removed from its plastic wrapping and shoved into the wrapping of the other one so they could form a bigger bundle.

Taking the flowers, I raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

He doesn’t answer me, instead he holds up a finger. “But wait, there’s more.” With a grin still plastered on his face, Theo hands me a small purple cardboard box.

My eyes widen when I look down, reading the text on the box. He bought me the morning after pill. “Really?”

“I don’t want any little fuckers running around. I don’t know your birth control status. I didn’t use a condom earlier. Wanted to be on the safe side, ya know?”

“I don’t know whether I’m charmed or offended.”

“You can be both.” He shrugs. “I will have you know that I spent a solid minute searching the internet to figure out what the best ‘I’m sorry’ flower is. Red roses seemed popular.” Theo puts his hand on the doorframe, leaning in a little bit. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you after.”

“Probably not,” I agree. To be fair, I don’t think I handled everything after the best either. I shut him down, immediately got defensive because accepting it felt like a step too far. Denial is a comfortable place to stay in.

“But you should know that you can’t run from it, Roo. This,” he gestures between us with his finger, “is inevitable.”

My gut clenches at his words. Dread and desire swirling together like it always seems to do when Theo’s involved. I don’t want him, but I do. I take a deep breath, needing to hold myself together. I bring my hand up to his chest and give him a gentle shove out of my doorway.

“We’re not,” I say. “Nothing between us is ‘inevitable.’”

He tilts his head, looking down at me. “Why are you so desperate to deny it, Roo? I don’t get it. If I can feel it, you can feel it too.”

That’s the problem. I can feel it. But I have enough sense to be able to look at it logically too. I can give in, and what happens? Maybe we’re good for a few months until Theo gets bored of me, then he’ll discard me. Just like every girl before me. Just like Veronica.

Even if the strongest part of me is eager to fall into it, I also know better.

Using your head really fucking sucks sometimes.

I sigh, clutching the roses in my hand. “Theodore, what happened earlier was a mistake. It can’t happen again.”

He raises his brows at me, not bothering to shield how unhappy he is with my words. “A mistake? You’re really aiming to hurt my feelings, baby doll. Ouch.” There’s still a playfulness lacing his words as he leans against the doorway again. He’s blocking it with his hand so I can’t slam it in his face.

Theo knows me a lot better than I want to give him credit for.

“I’m serious.” I sigh. I don’t want to be a bitch. For some reason, hurting Theo makes me feel bad. He’s an asshole, but there’s more to him underneath that facade, even if he wants to deny it. “We work together. You’re…you. This can’t happen. ”

“Are you really playing the ‘we work together’ card?” he asks with an exaggerated huff, rolling his eyes. Then his expression changes, becoming a little darker, more serious. “What do you mean ‘I’m me?’”

Might as well give it to him straight. “You will break my heart. You’ll snatch the light from my eyes because that’s what you do. It’s what you always do to girls. I don’t want to be tossed out like trash when you get bored of me.”

I’m expecting that wall to go back up. I hurt him; I can see it on his face. He’s not trying to hide it yet. But I know that he will, because that’s who Theo is. He doesn’t like people seeing that he’s actually human underneath the bravado.

“You’re assuming that I’d get bored of you. What if I don’t?” No wall goes up. It’s down again, a certain vulnerability in his voice, in his brown eyes. He looks much…softer, even in the dim lighting of the hotel hallway.

He’s saying the right things. What if he didn’t? What if I’m the girl who changes him? But I’m not delusional enough to let myself believe that would be the case.

I don’t think that Theo’s intentionally a monster. Maybe he’s one because of his family, even if he denies it. Maybe it’s just who he is and he doesn’t know anything different.

Sighing, I roll my bottom lip between my teeth. “You just ruined your own engagement, Theo. You put a ring on Veronica’s finger and then you destroyed her. Publicly. What makes me so different from a woman you proposed to?”

Bringing that up is probably a low blow. I can acknowledge that, but it’s a point that needs to be said. Humans are creatures of habit. Theo’s habit is using women until he’s burned through them or something new comes along.

From what Jules has told me, his relationship with Veronica wasn’t a happy one. In the shades of grey that I exist in, I can see why he made the choice that he did. Relating to Theo is the last thing that I ever expected to do.

Frustration is evident on his face. Eyes dark, eyebrows furrowed, full lips in a bit of a pout that’s surprisingly cute. “That whole thing was for publicity, for my parents,” he confesses, keeping his voice low. Resting his forearm on the doorframe, he leans in toward me and my heart pounds in my chest. “Look, I don’t know what the hell you want me to say, Roo. I like you. I want you. Why does that have to be a damn problem?”

He doesn’t know how badly I want him. How hard it is not to give in. I want to reach out and pull him close instead of pushing him away. I want to press my lips to his and spend the night with him inside of me. He makes my stomach clench and my thighs ache.

And underneath that desire, he’s wiggling his way into my heart.

I don’t know how. I don’t even know why.

“Because I can’t do that to myself.” My words come out in a whisper, almost reluctant to let them spill from my lips because I don’t want to deny him. The problem is, if I don’t, where does that leave me? What does that make me if I so willingly put myself into the position to get hurt?

As hard as standing my ground is, I have to do it.

Theo opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, I step toward him. Standing on my tip toes, I press a kiss to his cheek. “I wish things were different,” I murmur.

The darkness vanishes from his features for the smallest moment. The corners of his lips almost curl up in a hint of a smile before it fades. Theo takes a step away from me and that wall comes back up again, closing himself off because he’s hurting.

“You’re really gonna hold my past against me, huh?” he scoffs, looking up at the popcorn ceiling in the hotel hallway. “I can change, y’know. I could be a better man. For you.”

It’s like he’s using a step-by-step guide on how to break me down. Theo’s saying all the right things, making all the right moves. Despite knowing that, it’s taking all of my self-control not to fall for it and give in. I want to so fucking badly.

I meant it when I told him that I wish things were different.

Tilting my head to the side, I look up at him. “Prove it then, Abrams,” I challenge. “Show me that you can be ‘different’ and then we’ll talk.”

Theo pauses and looks at me, his head tilting slightly to match me. Then his eyes drift away from me, looking off toward the side as if he’s thinking. His tongue pokes at his cheek as he slowly nods. “Yeah? That a deal? I show you that I can be different, and you’ll give me a chance.”

“It’s a deal.”

That far too familiar smirk spreads over his lips. “You just made a deal with the devil, baby doll.”

I know I did, and that terrifies me, but sitting right beside that fear is excitement. The pure excitement at knowing what could come next.