Page 18 of Boss with Benefits (Boss of Seduction #6)

He headed for work while thinking how odd it was he couldn’t wait to see her again. She was wrong about his day though. He’d explained it to her before leaving. There was a pile of paperwork on his desk he’d been putting off.

Guilt over losing his temper in front of her son settled over him halfway to the office. He turned right instead of left at the next traffic light. If he didn’t deal with what he’d done, he was doomed to repeat it in the future. That was the last thing he wanted.

∞∞∞

“Calm down,” Deacon said. He gestured to the couch. “And sit. Please. You’re making me dizzy with all the pacing.”

Brady dropped down on the couch, but he only stayed there for a second.

Popping up again, he crossed the room to the door, ready to storm out.

He stopped at the last second and turned back to face his best friend.

Deacon was the only one he could talk to at this point, because Deacon knew about his past. He knew things no one else did.

And that was why he had shown up at Deacon’s office without an appointment instead of going to work. Lucky for him, Deacon’s first patient wouldn’t show up until nine.

“I lost it,” Brady said. “I lost my temper with Jessica’s kid.”

Deacon’s expression turned concerned. “Oh, man. What happened?”

“We were having breakfast and—”

“Why were you having breakfast with the kid?”

A heavy sigh parted Brady’s lips, and he headed for the couch.

Once he was seated with his hands clasped between his knees, he told Deacon something he’d been holding back.

His business and Jessica’s troubles had been keeping him too busy to talk to Deacon lately.

In fact, they hadn’t met for a session since the secret wedding.

“I married her,” he said.

Deacon’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “I know I did not hear what I think I just heard. Say again.”

“Jessica and I got married.”

“No way. Why would you do that?”

“To help her get custody of her son,” Brady said. “The lawyer says she needs to be married and have a nice house in a good neighborhood. I took care of both.”

Deacon scowled at Brady from his nearby chair. “I hope you know what you’re doing. You must really care about this woman to give up your freedom.”

“Temporarily,” Brady said. “I temporarily gave up my freedom, and she knows it. We have an understanding.”

“You aren’t sharing a bed then?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Deacon gave him the look he reserved for special occasions when he thought someone had done the dumbest thing they could have ever possibly done. They stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them willing to back down.

Deacon blinked. “You can’t live with this woman like you’re a real couple, or she’ll get confused. She’ll expect you to get gooey feelings for her and stay with her after the custody battle is over.”

“She isn’t like that,” Brady said.

“Women are all like that. You are walking into a trap with a big stupid grin on your face.”

Exasperated, Brady raked fingers through his thick hair and tried to reel in his anger. He had come to Deacon for advice, not for attitude. Perhaps, he would have been better off going to a shrink he didn’t know.

“Listen,” Brady said. “This is serious. Focus on the real problem. We were having breakfast this morning, and her kid spilled his orange juice. Some splashed on my work pants, and I hit the roof. I totally lost it.”

“Meaning?”

“I cursed in front of the kid, and Jessica didn’t appreciate that.

She followed me to the bedroom, and I said too much.

The last thing I want is to pull her into my messed-up childhood.

The woman is going through enough right now without worrying about my mental state.

She always takes care of everyone around her instead of looking out for herself. ”

Deacon smiled. “She sounds like a special person.”

Brady sighed. “Why do you keep focusing on the wrong thing? Forget Jessica, and concentrate on the important part of this conversation. I lost my temper with her son.”

Deacon nodded, but didn’t appear concerned anymore. “We all lose our tempers, man. Someday when Samantha and I have kids, I’m sure we will both lose our tempers. I would be worried if you lived with a child and didn’t get mad once in a while. It’s normal.”

“The average person can afford to lose their temper, Deke. Most of them weren’t raised by a drunk. They don’t do major damage when they get mad.”

“How many times do I have to tell you having a bad father doesn’t make you one? You aren’t him, and you’re never going to be him.”

Deacon didn’t know anything. Brady fumed in silence for a moment. He thought Deacon would get it, why he was worried, but his friendly shrink didn’t seem to understand the situation.

Brady tried to explain it to him. “There is no way to know how I will react without me putting myself into the same circumstances my father faced, and I refuse to do that. I know I came close when I married her and let her kid move in, but he’s her son.

Not mine. I would never hurt him, because he belongs to her. ”

“If you love a woman and have a child with her, it will be hers. I don’t understand your brand of logic.”

Brady shot to his feet again. He felt like he had a nuclear power plant’s worth of energy coursing through his veins, and he couldn’t contain it much longer. He paced like a caged tiger despite Deacon’s objections.

And he still didn’t know what to do about his problem.

So far, Deacon hadn’t said anything helpful.

Brady sighed. “Maybe I should just avoid the kid. I can start working late and going in early. We don’t need to eat meals together.”

“Avoidance doesn’t solve anything.” Deacon shook his head. “Jessica will get upset if you suddenly change your routine, and she’ll probably think you don’t like her son. Maybe the boy will think you don’t like him.”

It was the last thing Brady wanted to hear. He was trying to keep from hurting Axl. If staying away from the boy was going to hurt him or his mother, Brady needed to think of another way to keep himself under control.

“You cursed at him,” Deacon said. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“I didn’t curse at him. He was just in the room when I lost my cool. I cursed in front of him. Big difference there.”

Deacon tapped the end of his pencil against his notepad a few times before asking a question. “Did you come close to hitting him?”

“Of course not.”

“Did you think about hitting him?”

“No.”

“Did you want to hit him?”

Stopping next to Deacon’s chair with his hands on his hips, Brady said, “The thought of hitting a child is beyond repulsive to me. You know that. I would never—”

“Then what are you worried about?” Deacon asked.

Brady threw his hands up in frustration. “Haven’t you been listening all these years? Do you just sit there and doodle? I’m worried I’ll lose control and hurt someone someday.”

Silence descended on Deacon’s office.

Brady felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

A deep sadness filled his heart at the thought of life without Jessica by his side.

Maybe he should cut ties with her completely after the custody hearing.

He could hit the road and take photographs of endangered species.

That was what made him happy. He should pursue it.

“Do I ever annoy you?” Deacon asked.

Brady rolled his eyes. “You mean like when I’m trying to talk about something serious and you change the subject?”

Deacon grinned. “Yeah. Do I get on your nerves sometimes?”

“You know you do. What’s your point?”

“Remember when I was messing around in your darkroom and I accidentally ruined the photos you needed for an important client the very next day?”

Brady took a deep breath as Deacon continued to test his patience. “Of course, I remember. Because of your clowning around, I had to call the model back in that night and pay her double. I didn’t get to bed until four in the morning.”

Deacon kept grinning like an idiot. “You were so angry. I thought you might take a swing at me. But you didn’t.”

Brady repeated, “What is your point?”

Deacon leaned forward in his chair. “My point is, you are not the type to lose your temper and hurt a child or a woman or even an exasperating friend. Case closed.”

“I’ve read research on the subject of people raised by abusive fathers. The girls generally grow up to marry men like their fathers, and the boys grow up to be their fathers. They repeat the cycle.”

Deacon shook his head. “That only happens if the person has no self-awareness and chooses not to get help. You’re seeing me . We talk at least once a week, openly admitting our faults. I hate to tell you this, buddy, but you are an enlightened modern male.”

“Am I?”

Brady still didn’t know what to do about Jessica and her kid.

He’d married her to save them both from her nasty ex, but he might be making things worse.

What if Randy’s private detective delved too deeply into Brady’s past and found out about his parents?

What if someone discovered his biggest secret?

Jessica could lose Axl because she’d married him. The irony didn’t escape him. Perhaps he should tell her the truth, all of it, and let her decide what she wanted to do. He didn’t imagine being divorced would be any better for her than being a single mom, but the decision should be up to her.

“You’re a good guy,” Deacon said. “It’s a shame you haven’t figured it out yet.”

Brady glanced at his watch. “I’m late. I need to get to work.”

“Say hi to Jessica for me.”

∞∞∞