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FORTY

Anders

The first thing I need is someone to drive.

The second thing I need is alcohol.

A lot of it.

Felix went out, so I turn to my next closest friend who’s single.

“Hey.” Aiden sounds like he was asleep, which makes sense since it’s after ten and we have to be up early tomorrow.

“What are you doing?” I demand, yanking on a pair of jeans.

“Sleeping? We have practice in the morning.”

“Tough shit. We’re going out.”

“We are?” He sounds confused and suspicious.

“New titty bar in town opened a few months ago and I haven’t been there. Time to rectify that.”

“Platinum Persuasion? It’s all right. Not my favorite. And why are we going to a strip club? What’s going on?”

“Apparently, I’m single again. So I’m going out. Are you coming or do I need to call Jordan?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He grunts. “If I let the two of you go alone, I’ll probably have to bail you out of jail before the night’s over. All right, I guess I’m the designated driver, so I’ll pick you up in twenty.”

“Great. I’ll tell Jordan to be ready in thirty.”

I disconnect before he can argue.

I can’t sit still or look at the four walls of my condo another minute.

I don’t know how things went so wrong with Claudia, but if I stay home and mope another second, I might explode. Or cry. And I don’t want to do either of those things. I need a distraction. A big one. Maybe several of them.

Jordan has no idea what’s going on, only that we’re going out, and Aiden stopped by to pick up Scotty Lukather because apparently, he and his wife have separated.

“Why are we going out on a school night?” Jordan demands as Aiden weaves through traffic on Las Olas. It’s late on a Thursday but the clubs and restaurants seem to be hopping and there are cars everywhere.

“Anders and Claudia had a fight,” Aiden says dryly.

“We didn’t fight ,” I correct. “She broke up with me. Not the same thing.”

“How come?” Jordan asks.

“What’d you do?” Scotty asks at the same time.

“I didn’t do anything,” I rumble. “She met someone else.”

“Oh, come on!” Aiden starts laughing. “You know that’s not true.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snap, my patience already thin because I hadn’t really wanted to talk about this. Not tonight anyway.

“That’s not the kind of girl she is. And according to Hana, she’s head-over-heels for you.”

“The only information I have is what she told me,” I say in a huff. “Why would she lie?”

“Did you do something that she might be upset about?” Scotty asks. “Like, she’s pre-emptively protecting herself from you dumping her?”

“No! We had plans for Thanksgiving, and she cancelled because of a work trip. Then we had plans to spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s together. I was even trying to fly her out for a weekend in December before Christmas. I made her a key to my apartment, as kind of a romantic gesture and talked to Felix about finding his own place. I didn’t tell her that yet—it was supposed to be a surprise—but I can’t think of anything I’ve done that might upset her.”

“Huh.” Aiden seems stymied.

“And this is why I don’t date,” Jordan says dramatically. “Women are the worst .”

“Fuck off,” I mutter.

“Women are complicated,” Scotty says. “I had no idea I’d be separated at this stage of my life. We’ve had our problems, but I thought we made progress in therapy over the summer. I guess not. She said she needs space and time to think. I don’t know what that means. So now I have to make appointments to see my kids and she’s off doing whatever it is she needs to do.” He pauses. “Maybe Claudia just needs a little time to adjust. You guys got serious after a week…and she’s young, right? Just out of college?”

“She’s twenty-four, but yes, just out of college. And I was her first adult relationship.”

“This could be growing pains,” Aiden suggests. “But how does she say she needs space? Or maybe this other guy is showering her with attention, and she wants to make sure you’re the one for her before any more of a commitment.”

I grunt again.

I don’t want to think about her with another guy.

I liked being her first and only.

The thought of her fucking someone else makes me want to punch someone.

“Whatever her reasons are, she dumped me,” I say. “Talking about it doesn’t change or fix anything. So how about we leave all this emotional bullshit behind and focus on naked ladies and lap dances.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jordan rubs his hands together.

If only I could round up some excitement at the prospect of seeing naked women. I’m saying the right things but my heart—and my nether regions—are far less excited. Hopefully, that will change after a few drinks, but damn, this is hard.

The breakup with Martika wasn’t difficult because I didn’t love her. The pregnancy left me a little out of sorts, because I would have to deal with the kid, but the loss of the relationship had very little impact on me.

This is totally different.

Claudia became my world in a very short time, and I’m having a hard time imagining what’s next. I spent all day trying to figure out where I’d messed up, and what I’d done to send her into another man’s arms, but that probably isn’t fair. There’s undoubtedly some truth to what Aiden had said about her wanting to see what else is out there. I believe that she didn’t cheat—it’s not who she is—but the fact that someone else caught her eye so soon leaves me feeling a bit unsure of myself.

Is it something I did? Something I didn’t do? Should I have told her I loved her?

These are all questions I can’t answer, and I try to push them out of my mind as we pull up to the club. The parking lot is full, and there’s a line of men outside waiting to get in.

“We might not get in,” Jordan says, echoing my thoughts.

“Fuck that.” I pull a couple of hundred-dollar bills out of my wallet. “They’ll let us in.”

Sure enough, slipping the bouncer two C notes did the trick, and we’re at a table by the stage within minutes.

There are perks to being both wealthy and recognizable locally.

“Come on, being single is way better than being tied down,” Jordan says as a big-busted brunette brings us drinks.

“Nah.” Scotty shrugs. “I like going home to the same woman, having someone to talk to, sleep with, share a life with. Being single is…boring. Yeah, sex with hot strippers is fun—but I’ve done it. It’s not new anymore, and frankly, I’m too old for that bullshit.”

“I’m over strippers,” Aiden agrees, “but not being single. I do agree that sleeping with the same person more than once is nice because one-night stands can be hit-and-miss. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know what your partner likes. It’s the emotional stuff that bugs me, and unfortunately, you usually can’t have one without the other.”

“Round of shots!” I call the waitress.

“What’ll you have, boys?” she asks, grinning.

“Teq—” I start to say tequila, but Aiden cuts me off.

“ No tequila,” he says firmly. “We have practice in the morning. Bring us a round of jagerbombs.”

“Coming right up.” She disappears and I gaze up at the stage.

The woman dancing is attractive.

She has a great body, perky tits, and a pretty smile.

But watching her twirl around on the pole does nothing for me.

Zero.

Zip.

Fuck.

We down the Red Bull/J?germeister concoctions and I motion for her to bring us another round.

“We’re going to die tonight,” Scotty says, grimacing.

“I just texted Merry and Holls,” Aiden says, “and they’re on their way.”

Roy Merrick and Milo Holland are younger guys, on the fourth line, and I don’t know them very well. We hang out on the road sometimes, but not really at home, so I’m not sure what they bring to the table. Also, I don’t really care. Right now, I just wanted to get shitfaced.

We do another round of shots, and Scotty gets up to stuff some money in the dancer’s thong.

“Hello, gentlemen.” A gorgeous blond saunters over to us. “Anyone want a lap dance?”

“He does!” Jordan points at me and pulls some money out of his wallet. “On me, buddy.”

“Well, hi.” She puts her hands on my shoulders and smiles, wiggling her ample chest in my face.

“Hey.” I lean back, hoping for a spark of excitement, because so far, there’s nothing. Not even a glimmer of interest from my eyes, my brain, or any other region.

She starts grinding on my lap, and it’s almost embarrassing that I can’t muster up the faintest glimmer of an erection.

She does nothing for me.

All I want to see is thick, brown hair swirling around my chest.

Big blue eyes looking up at me adoringly.

Plump pink nipples in my mouth.

I close my eyes and let myself get lost in a fantasy about the woman I can’t have.

The woman I love.

The woman who just shattered my heart.

Fuck.

I can’t do this.

“I’m sorry.” I sit up and shake my head. “Uh, thanks.” I pull some money from my wallet, thrust it in her direction, and then excuse myself to the restroom.

This whole thing has been a mistake.