Page 7

Cassie

I faked being asleep the morning he left. I got spooked and ran after our amazing sex, and I couldn’t look him in the eye that morning. I did, however, take a peek at the baby monitor screen sitting beside my bed, and watched him struggle to walk away from Mackenzie. It made me fall a little more for him, which scares the shit out of me.

The first few days of Gabe’s long road trip are beyond awkward. Neither one of us knows how to talk to the other. Our text conversations are random details about stupid stuff until we begin discussing Mackenzie. Then, the convo flows nicely.

Me: It’s sunny today.

Gabe: Rain here.

Me: Where are you?

Gabe: Seattle

Me: Did you go to the Space Needle? Or Pike Place?

Gabe: No to the first one, and I don’t know what the second one is.

Me: It’s the famous fish market where they throw the fish.

Gabe: Oh.

Me: You got a box in the mail.

Gabe: New shoes, I think.

Me: Want me to open and check?

Gabe: No.

Gabe: Just new sneakers. Red ones.

Me: Why red?

Gabe: Favorite color.

Me: I hope it’s alright, but I’ve been sleeping in your room. It’s been easier to grab Kenzie when she wakes up at night.

Me: I got this book about sleep regressions, and I think she’s going through one. She’s been waking up four or five extra times a night.

Me: Since you didn’t answer me, I figured it upset you, so I moved her crib into my room.

Gabe: Okay.

Gabe: Can you send me a couple of pictures of Kenz, please? My mom wants some updated ones.

Me: Sure. Would you like to send them directly to her? I know you’re super busy and focused on hockey. I’m happy to coordinate the exchange. I can get some printed and send them to her if you’d like.

Gabe: Not necessary. I’ll handle it.

Gabe: How’s my girl doing?

Me: I’m doing well, thanks for asking.

Gabe: Uh, I meant my daughter.

Me: Oh. Kenzie’s fine. Lasted for twenty minutes doing tummy time this morning.

Gabe: That’s the longest she’s lasted, right?

Me: Yeah. She’s not a fan of it.

Gabe: What’s the point of tummy time?

Me: Strengthening neck muscles and making sure she doesn’t have a flat head. The bones in her skull are still developing and fusing together. If she spends too much time on her back, her skull bones will fuse together in a different position than what is ideal.

Gabe: Wow. I had no idea. The baby book I’m reading hasn’t covered tummy time yet.

Me: You’re reading a baby book?

Gabe: Yeah. I put the Kindle app on my phone and found some books I can read there.

Me: That’s actually really cool. My Kindle doesn’t have many nonfiction books.

Honestly, I don’t think there’s one nonfiction book on my Kindle. I like what I like, and I don’t deviate from it. The world is a dumpster fire most of the time, so it’s nice to escape into a romance book when I need a pick-me-up.

Gabe: What are you currently reading?

Me: A fictional story about a sports professional who finds a baby dropped on his doorstep and navigates new fatherhood while simultaneously engaging in a romantic relationship with his best friend’s daughter.

Gabe: So you’re reading porn?

Me: IT IS NOT PORN.

Me: Well, it kinda is.

Gabe: Title, please.

Me: No.

Gabe: Come on. We have a five-hour flight tomorrow. I can only read so much about babies. Porn will be a nice change.

Me: Are you going to judge me about the content?

Gabe: No.

Me: …

Gabe: Maybe a little.

Me: …

Gabe: It might teach me some things.

Me: Lovely.

Gabe: Just give me the title.

Me: A Major Puck Up by Brittanée Nicole.

Gabe: It’s porn.

Me: It is NOT.

Gabe: Alright, it’s borderline porn. Is this what women like to read? About grown men fucking teenagers?

Me: She’s twenty-two in the book, Gabe.

Gabe: Fine. Fucking ALMOST teenagers.

Me: Ew. No. Well, I guess some women probably do like to read that stuff. I’m not about to yuck someone’s yum.

Gabe: Yuck someone’s yum? That’s new.

Me: It’s like making fun of someone and telling them they’re wrong for liking a specific sports team. We’re all allowed to like what we like.

Gabe: Within reason.

Me: Yes.

Gabe: You’re not into some weird shit, are you? Like reading about people getting fucked by horses, or a tentacled man drilling all your holes at the same time?

Me: Boy. You did some weird Googling, didn’t you?

Gabe: I did.

Me: No, I’m not into that kind of stuff. I like regular romance, where the guy sweeps her off her feet, and they feel like their connection is special. Like they weren’t fully complete until that other person came into their lives.

I’m a little nervous when Gabe doesn’t respond for quite some time after my last text. I don’t know if it got too close to his game time, if he fell asleep, or if he chose not to respond, and I’m frankly too much of a chicken-shit to blatantly ask him why he didn’t reply.

What worries me, however, is that I’m not entirely sure if I’m scared Gabe might tell me sleeping together was a mistake because he doesn’t feel a connection with me … or if he’ll tell me that he did feel something.

I know I may have freaked out immediately after and hightailed it up to my room to cower. It’s possible that I realized I’m nowhere near the extroverted person that Gabe met in the hotel, and I’m worried he’ll be less attracted to me when he realizes I’m one heck of an introvert. My idea of a fun Friday night is a trip to a bookstore and then reading by a fire. I’m not interested in clubs or parties. I’m very content in my own little bubble, thank you.

But whatever is happening — or happened — with Gabe suddenly makes me take stock of my life. I’m thirty years old. I left Oregon because I was working a job I hated for a large daycare in a massive corporation. I love working with kids, but my four-year early childhood education degree hasn’t been highly sought after. Whenever I was offered a job, the pay would usually be close to minimum wage. The Pacific Northwest is absurdly expensive. All three of my brothers have often offered me loans, but I don’t take handouts. I never have. Our parents taught us to make our own way. So, instead of asking anyone for money, I decided a complete life change was needed. Colorado has slightly cheaper housing and day-to-day expenses. As soon as Grant was traded here, I knew I wanted to follow him. The state calls to me.

Certainly didn’t see life evolving the way it has since I moved here though.

When Gabe doesn’t text me the following day, I get concerned. I found highlights of his game through Google, so I at least know he’s alive. But then Levi texts me and asks how Kenzie is, and I get pissed.

Levi: Any new pictures today?

Me: (see attachment)

Levi: I swear she’s grown since we left.

Me: I think so. She almost smiled at me today, too. But it might have just been gas.

Levi: One of my sisters used to always do that. It’s about time for Kenzie to start smiling, though. The average is one to two months.

Me: It’s weird how much you know about babies.

Levi: I’m the oldest of a gazillion siblings, and I helped my mom a lot. Plus, I just like kids.

Levi: Has Kenz still been spitting up?

Levi: How’s tummy time going?

Levi: Did you take her to her four-week well-child appointment? What did the pediatrician say?

Motherfucker.

Me: Levi.

Levi: What?

Me: Tell Gabe if he wants to know these things, he can FUCKING TEXT OR CALL ME HIMSELF.

Levi: Busted.

Me: Don’t text me again.

Levi: But I still like hearing about Mackenzie!

Me: Ask Gabe about her. I won’t be used as a middlewoman.

Five minutes later, my phone rings.

“What?” I shout.

“You can’t keep information about my daughter from me!” Gabe snaps, his voice tense and angry.

“You can’t use your friend as a reconnaissance man to track down information about your daughter!” I volley. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why wouldn’t you just text me?”

“Because our text conversations have been weird. And now I don’t… fuck. Never mind.”

“What? Gabe, please talk to me. I don’t want this to be awkward between us, but you’re being super sketchy right now.”

The phone remains quiet for a few minutes. It’s quiet for so long that I pull the phone away from my ear to check if the call has been disconnected.

“I don’t know how to act around you now,” he finally says.

“Now?”

“Yeah.”

“Since we had sex?”

“No. Since you said you needed to process things.”

Oh.

“I didn’t need to process that ,” I say hastily. “I think I ran away because I was scared of what you might say, so I wanted to beat you to the punch.”

“What did you think I might say?” Gabe asks quietly.

I hesitate, wondering if I should be truthful, before taking a deep breath and telling him what I’m thinking. “That you thought it was a mistake.”

Gabe lets out a loud exhale. “Christ, Cassie. I’d never think you were a mistake.”

My heart skips a beat at that statement. And, of course, as I’m about to ask Gabe what he wants for us, Mackenzie has an explosive diaper situation. “Crap, I gotta go. I also mean literal crap. Your daughter just shot poop out of the side of her onesie.”

“I’m oddly proud of that,” Gabe chuckles.

“Text me your questions from now on, okay? No more going through Levi.”

“I will, Firecracker.”

When the call ends, I realize he called me by the nickname he bestowed upon me the first night we met, making my insides feel gooey.

On the sixth day of the road trip, I’m lounging with Mackenzie on the living room carpet while she does tummy time, and the doorbell rings. Expecting it’s another package for Gabe, I open it without looking through the peephole. Gabe lives in a really nice neighborhood. I probably should be more careful about things when caring for his daughter, though.

At the door is a beautiful woman, and I’m immediately jealous. She’s model tall. A few inches over my own five-seven, with perfect blonde hair falling just below her shoulders. She smiles genuinely at me, and I’m unsure how to react.

“Can I help you?” I ask cordially.

“I’m hoping you can, actually,” she laughs. “I know Gabe Dawson lives here.”

My hackles immediately rise, and I’m a half-second away from slamming the door in her face when she continues. “I’m trying to reach one of Gabe’s teammates. Grant McNally?”

“May I ask what this is in regards to?” I ask.

“Well, I think that’s between me and him. I mean, do you even know him?”

“I do.”

Her eyes widen, and she studies me before throwing back her head in laughter. “Oh my God, you’re his sister. You guys have the same damn eyes! I should have seen that as soon as you answered the door. What are you doing at Gabe’s? By the way, I’m Teagan.”

“Hi, Teagan, I’m —”

“Cassie. I know. Grant told me all about you. But that was ages ago. When did you move here?”

“Do you want to come in?” I ask.

“Oh, sure. I’d love to chat with you about Grant —” Teagan gasps as soon as she steps foot in the house and sees Mackenzie. “Oh. My. God. Does Gabe have a kid? Did you and Gabe have a kid together? Holy shit! Fuck. I shouldn’t cuss around a child. Do you think she can hear me? I can’t let her first word be fuck or shit.”

I throw back my head in raucous laughter. “She’s still a newborn, so I think you’re good with her not cussing just yet. And no, I didn’t have a child with Gabe. This is his daughter, though it’s not public knowledge.”

“Oh wow,” Teagan breathes reverently as she crouches next to Mackenzie. “Oh goodness. She is so stinking cute.”

“I know. She really is,” I murmur. Teagan immediately thought Mackenzie was mine, mine and Gabe’s, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it to be true. Would others assume she was mine? That Gabe and I were a couple? I physically shake my head in an attempt to jostle that thought out of my brain. “So, what can I help you with, Teagan? You said you’re looking for my brother? It doesn’t make a lot of sense that you’re here when you probably know both Gabe and Grant are on a road trip.”

“I took a chance to see if one of the guys has a roommate, or girlfriend, who would know how to get in touch with them.” Teagan looks uncomfortable.

“Did you reach out to Grant yourself?” I ask.

“I did, but we — well, we didn’t end on good terms, and I assume he thinks the worst and refuses to call me back.” Teagan looks chagrined as she waits for my response. “You didn’t know about me, did you?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t. In his defense, Grant has never been one to kiss and tell. I only knew about a high school girlfriend because I saw them with my own eyes. I don’t think he’s told me about one girlfriend since then,” I tell her honestly. My brother may be a complete dumbass for a lot of reasons, but he’s always kept secrets well. And he’s never been one to broadcast his relationships.

“The entire time I knew him, he never called me his girlfriend, Cassie. Unfortunately, I think I viewed the relationship as much more serious than he did.”

“Not necessarily. Grant is who he is. And while you may think I mean it in a way that you have to accept him exactly as he is, I only sort of do. But I also mean it in the way that Grant is incredibly confident in his ability to judge a person, or a relationship. If he believed in you and your relationship, he wouldn’t feel the need to tell people about it. Growing up, Grant didn’t care what others thought of him, or his choices. Once he made a decision, he was confident in that. He wouldn’t backpedal based on someone else’s opinion.”

“That’s actually what I’m afraid of,” she says nervously.

“Why? What’s going on?”

Tears fill Teagan’s eyes as she begins to fill me in. “I don’t know who else to go to. They said they’d release everything if I talked to anyone but Grant.”

“What?” I ask, a feeling of terror filling my belly.

“Someone cloned my phone. There are lots of pictures and some videos on there. Some pictures are just of me and some of Grant, but then there are some of us together. Whoever it is wants Grant to pay a million dollars, or they’ll put everything up on the internet.”

I stare at Teagan in shock. “And you tried to call my brother? And he hasn’t picked up or called you back?”

She nods. “I didn’t leave much information on the voicemail I left him because I didn’t want to frighten him. Do you think I should wait until they’re back in town? You’re right. I should wait.”

Teagan stands, and I’m confused about how that somehow became my solution. “I never said that. Knowing my brother, he’ll be furious if you don’t tell him immediately. When did they reach out to you first?”

“Last week,” she whispers. “I checked the Wolves’ schedule and saw Grant was scheduled to leave the next day, so I decided to wait. But they kept calling me. Then, a note showed up under my apartment door yesterday, and I freaked out. I went to Levi’s apartment first since he lives close to me. I tried Jax’s place, figuring he probably had a puck bunny staying there to watch his guinea pigs, and finally came here today.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, clearing my throat, “did you just say Jax has guinea pigs?”

“Oh yeah,” she says, a watery giggle breaking from her mouth. “He has like five or six of them. One bedroom in his condo is devoted to their cages, and he has a huge setup of tunnels that connect the cages. It’s pretty elaborate.”

“I am never going to be able to look at him the same way,” I tell her. When my phone rings with a FaceTime from my brother, I grin. “He’s not getting away now!”

I answer the call and wait for Grant’s face to fill the screen.

“Hey, Cass, can you do me a favor?”

“Uh, sure?”

“Listen. My ex-girlfriend called a couple days ago and left me a message that sounded concerning. Something is up with her, but obviously, I can’t do shit while I’m here. Can you check on her for me? I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her.”

“Sure,” I say innocently. “What’s her name?”

“Teagan.”

“Send me her info. How long did you guys date?”

“About a year.”

“Seriously? And you never once mentioned her to me?” I say with mock shock.

He shrugs. “You know I keep things close to my chest.”

“Why’d you break up?”

Grant sighs. “I really don’t know. One second, we were talking about moving in together, and then the next, we were breaking up. I honestly don’t know what happened.”

“Sounds like you miss her,” I comment.

Grant looks off in the distance, waving at someone. “I don’t know. Maybe. Gotta go, Cass. We’re boarding the bus to head to the arena. I’ll text you her contact, and let me know when you speak to her. Just be … gentle. She’s the sweetest person I know.”

As he ends the call, Teagan takes a gaping and quivering breath as tears roll down her face. “He doesn’t remember why we broke up.”

“Do you know why?” I ask.

She nods. “I told him I didn’t want to get married, that I didn’t believe in marriage. And that I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids.”

“Oh, wow,” I breathe. My brother might keep things close to his heart, but he’s always wanted to have a family of his own. So I bet that hurt him immensely. “I was right, though.”

“About what?”

“He may not have called you his girlfriend in front of you, but in all the ways that mattered to him, you were.”

“That’s true. Listen,” Teagan says, jumping up and wiping her tears away, “I’ll figure out something. Tell him you couldn’t reach me. Tell him I hung up on you when you said your last name. Anything. Just don’t tell him why I called him. Okay? Please, Cassie. Promise me.”

“I’ll try,” I murmur as Teagan gives me one last smile before she bolts out the front door. Looking down at Mackenzie, I lift my hands up in exasperation. “These hockey boys are doing my head in Kenz!”

And that’s when I get my first gummy grin from my favorite newborn.