TEN

Jake loved having his face fucked. It was probably part and parcel of his laundry list of things about himself that were fucked up, but bottoming had always done it for him. He could tell Rafe was getting there a little too fast, though, so he grabbed Rafe’s thighs with both hands and pushed back to catch his breath.

Rafe groaned in frustration as Jake coughed and caught his breath, but they both knew it was the right move.

“I want you buried deep in my ass,” he panted, pushing himself to his feet, then sliding his hands under the robe on Rafe’s shoulders so he could get rid of the garment. “Don’t be sweet or cute about it either,” he went on, kissing Rafe’s shoulder and neck as Rafe wriggled out of his robe and dropped it. “I know you’re mad at me. Take it out on my ass.”

He looked up into Rafe’s eyes with challenge.

“I’m not angry with you,” Rafe said, reaching for Jake and yanking him closer. “I’m just disappointed.”

“Ouch,” Jake said, laughing as his cock pulsed with arousal.

He’d deal with the freakiness of how turned on he was by Rafe’s disappointment later. At that moment, all he wanted was to feel his hole stretched and his guts filled with Rafe.

“I’ve been a bad boy,” he said, heart pounding, as he hooked a hand behind Rafe’s neck. He leaned to within a breath of Rafe’s mouth before whispering, “I need you to punish me.”

Rafe dug his fingertips into Jake’s ass with one hand and gripped the side of his head with the other as he brought his mouth crashing over Jake’s. It was exactly the sort of punishment Jake craved. He wasn’t really kinky, but there were times when a little rough sex made everything feel better.

He couldn’t tear his mouth away from Rafe’s right away. As good as Jake knew he was at sucking cocks, Rafe was equally good at kissing. He made Jake feel both like he was an object of desire that Rafe would take whether he liked it or not and like he was a cherished partner in something beautiful. That pretty much summed up their relationship.

“I can’t decide if I should be nice to you or give you exactly what you deserve,” Rafe panted as they pulled apart.

“Definitely give me what I deserve,” Jake said, almost giddy with desire.

He turned around and leaned over the bed, presenting his ass and winking over his shoulder at Rafe for good measure. He wasn’t sure what Rafe would do about it, but the invitation was for everything.

“You really are shameless,” Rafe said with a quick laugh that almost broke the intensity of the moment.

Jake was about to make a joke before Rafe smacked a hand hard across his ass. The shock and sting of the blow took Jake’s breath away and went straight to his cock. As perfect as the first blow was, the second was even better because he would have sworn Rafe was just trying to surprise him and that he wasn’t serious about punishment.

“I could get used to this,” Rafe said, smacking Jake’s backside again. “Your arse looks so pretty with my handprints on it.”

“Fuck,” Jake gasped, tilting his hips so Rafe would have an even broader target.

Rafe spanked him one more time, then said, “I don’t mind if I do.”

He reached for the bottle of lube waiting on his bedside table. Jake thought about flopping onto the bed and twisting so they would be face to face, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He’d been a jerk to Rafe, and in that moment, he wanted to be used and fucked like he deserved what he got.

He gasped and his whole body flinched as Rafe pushed a lubed finger into his hole and started working it to loosen him up. “Yeah, you like that,” he said, bending over Jake so he could murmur against his ear. “You’re a dirty boy who knows he’s only good for one thing.”

Jake let out an almost hysterical sound that turned into a moan when Rafe added a second finger. “For the record,” he panted, breaking character for a moment. “This is my kind of foreplay. Give me all the dirty talk, baby. Use me like I deserve.”

“Oh, I will,” Rafe said, slipping his hand down from Jake’s hole to cup and squeeze his balls.

Jake yelped with the burst of pain and pleasure, then laughed at the overwhelming need to grab his asscheeks and hold them wide open for Rafe.

He didn’t need to go that far. Rafe squirted more lube, and a few seconds later, Jake felt the blunt pressure of his tip against his hole. He quivered and cried out as his body tensed against the intrusion, then breathed into it, relaxing enough for Rafe to push past his ring of muscle.

It was wild and raw and sent Jake hurtling into the headspace he wanted to be in. He loved the painful stretch of his insides, the thick sense of invasion as another man used his body for pleasure. He gripped the bedsheets in front of him and relaxed into the way Rafe grabbed his hips tightly so he could thrust harder. His eyes even rolled back as Rafe found his prostate and punched over it with increasing intensity.

He was close to coming within a minute and reached a hand to stroke his cock as Rafe thrust hard and deep. “So good,” he managed to grunt, along with half a dozen other half-formed expletives, in time with Rafe’s thrusts. He deserved to be treated like a cum-dump. He deserved the soaring heights of pleasure Rafe took him to as well. He deserved all of it.

“God, I’m close,” Rafe panted, thrusting harder.

Jake could practically feel how close Rafe was in the tightness of his grip and hear it in his panting, so he held nothing back, stroking himself hard and reaching for the orgasm that was building fast in him.

He managed to beat Rafe to it, coming hard across the bedsheets as pleasure burst through him. He gave himself over to it, holding onto it for as long as he could before everything tipped into discomfort.

He didn’t end up going through much discomfort at all. Rafe was right behind him, and when he started to swear and grunt, Jake could have sworn he could feel warmth spread through him. He let his imagination run away with that feeling and pictured Rafe’s cum spreading in him.

“God, that was so much better than it should have been,” Rafe gasped a moment later as he pulled out of Jake and tumbled onto the bed with him.

Jake opened his eyes and stared at Rafe. “What do you mean than it should have been?” he asked, panting.

Rafe gave him a guilty look as he shuffled around to lie the right way around in the bed. “I was too brutal,” he admitted.

“Babe. No, you weren’t,” Jake said, dragging his used, rubbery body around to lie tangled with Rafe. “I loved it.”

Rafe made a noncommittal sound, like he wasn’t convinced he hadn’t done something terribly wrong. Jake ignored him and snuggled against Rafe’s sweaty body. As far as he was concerned, he was happy as Larry, and as soon as he took a quick nap, he would declare his undying love for Rafe and beg the man to marry him for real as soon as possible.

Rafe had never once questioned whether he’d done the right thing by having sex with someone. He loved sex, his partners loved it, too, and he’d never had to wonder whether it was right or wrong to indulge in something that made everyone happy. But there he was, after an hour-long nap, sneaking out of bed to grab a shower, convinced he’d made a mistake.

It had been some of the best sex of his life, and he’d had a lot of sex. He and Jake had been in exactly the right mood for everything they’d indulged in. He’d gotten off on spanking Jake, and frankly, the man deserved more than just a few smacks. He deserved a full-on, kinky, drag him over his knees and paddle his backside until he couldn’t sit for a week spanking. The dirty talk had been great too, and that orgasm had blown his mind.

There were strings attached, though, and Rafe knew it. They weren’t two casual acquaintances out to get their jollies before going back to their everyday lives. Sex with Jake meant something.

“Hey,” Jake purred at him from the bed as Rafe came out of the bathroom. “You look hot as fuck.”

Rafe smiled, but guilt stole the joy he might have felt at the compliment. “Thanks. You look great, too,” he said, avoiding staring at Jake in his bed for too long. “The shower is yours, if you want it.”

“Oh, I want it alright,” Jake said, slipping out of bed. He walked around to where Rafe was picking through clothes in his wardrobe, searching for the right outfit to wear for a night out. As Rafe reached for a suitable shirt, Jake threw his arms around him and pressed the front of his body to Rafe’s back. “What do you say you and me grab some supper and then go for round two?”

Rafe’s heart sank. He twisted out of Jake’s embrace and headed for his bureau to find pants. “I can’t,” he admitted awkwardly. “I have a date tonight.”

“You what?” Jake demanded, suddenly fully awake and blinking.

“I have a date,” Rafe said, lowering his voice, as he picked through his top drawer, took out pants and socks, and moved to the bed to put them on. “I made it weeks ago, before you showed up.”

“Um, cancel it,” Jake said, as if that were obvious.

“Um, we’re not actually together,” Rafe fired back, imitating him. It was easier to fight off his guilt if he mirrored Jake’s attitude. “This between us is all a business arrangement. We’re engaged so you an get a visa, not because we’re in a deeply committed relationship that will last forever and a day.”

His insides twisted as he said that. It was meant to be banter, but it made him feel vaguely sick. It was a big, fat lie, and it was callous of him to play with Jake this way when they’d just gotten out of bed together. He was at a complete loss in the situation, though, and didn’t have the first clue how to act.

“And to think, I let you spank me,” Jake said, shaking his head like they were playing, although Rafe felt the glow of seriousness in him intensely.

He winced, stood, and went back to the wardrobe to get a pair of trousers. “It’s just a meet-up for drinks sort of thing. Steve and I set it up ages ago, before he went on a business trip to Singapore. I felt bad backing out of it. We’re meeting at a club in London, Cupid’s Arrow. It doesn’t mean anything. I’d be happy for you to hang out with your friends without me, if you had any.”

He smirked as he added the last bit to his chain excuse, trying to make light of everything.

It worked. Jake’s quivering tension broke and he laughed. “Alright, I get it,” he said, thumping Rafe’s arm. “You can fake cheat on your fake fiancé in order to have a fake date in London. I don’t mind at all. It’s not like we’re actually together.”

Rafe’s attempt at a smile flopped spectacularly. They weren’t actually together. Saying it out loud shouldn’t have hurt so much.

“I’m sorry,” he said, putting on his trousers then sighing. He rubbed his hands over his face and moved to stand in front of Jake, who had sank to sit on the bed. “I don’t know what’s the right thing to do in this situation. I made the date with Steve ages ago, and I forgot about it. He was at the Renaissance Faire the other day and reminded me. I should have told him no, but he made me feel guilty.”

“You sure do have a lot of guilt rolling around inside that gorgeous body of yours,” Jake said with a shit-eating grin.

“And I suppose you have none?” Rafe fired back, grabbing his shirt.

Jake shrugged. “I have way more than I make it look like,” he said.

They were silent for far longer than Rafe was comfortable with. Everything seemed wrong, but he wasn’t sure what the right thing should be. He and Jake were in a newish business arrangement. Steve was a friend he’d known for years. The engagement wasn’t real, and as much as Rafe liked Jake, he had no sense of whether anything between them was permanent or whether they were just messing around for convenience.

“It’s okay,” Jake said at last, getting up and heading for the bathroom. “You can go. I get it.”

“It’s just two friends meeting up,” Rafe called after him. “I can call Steve and cancel.”

“No, go on your date,” Jake said, pausing in the doorway. “Honestly, I’d probably do the same thing if I were you. Go have fun.”

It was permission, but Rafe didn’t feel like it was even close to approval. He sighed as he checked his appearance in the mirror over his bureau. He was going into London to one of The Brotherhood’s clubs. He didn’t have the same pulsing excitement and certainty that he would get his rocks off at some point that night that he usually had when he was meeting a guy at a club, but he wanted to look nice.

He left the flat while Jake was still in the shower, his stomach in knots. It was a little unnerving. He used to love the thrill of the hunt, the sly looks across crowded clubs and the shallow conversations over drinks that would lead to him getting a hotel room for the night and thoroughly mussing the sheets.

As he drove into London, he didn’t have that same invigorating feeling. Jake was the one he wanted, but Jake was behind him, not at the other end of the road. Steve was attractive and they’d had fun in the past, but that was all it’d been, fun.

As frustrating as he could be and as many problems as he had, Jake was more than just fun. He needed help on so many levels, but that appealed to Rafe. It appealed far more than it should have.

“Don’t you look delicious,” Steve said as soon as Rafe walked into the club and found him leaning against the bar. The hungry, sweeping look Steve gave him should have thrilled him and made his jeans tight.

“You look good, too,” Rafe answered woodenly.

Steve laughed, which took Rafe by surprise. “Long day, huh?” Steve said, grabbing his hand and pulling him over to the bar.

He’d saved a stool for Rafe, and honestly, it was a relief to sit. Maybe he had just had a long day.

“Turns out teaching a full schedule of classes while also trying to create brilliant, original artwork is exhausting,” Rafe said, forcing himself to relax.

He liked Steve. They were friends. It was perfectly alright for him to have friends and be sort of engaged at the same time.

“Well, I’d be lying if I didn’t say all that work looks good on you,” Steve said, sliding his hand over Rafe’s and winking.

“Thanks.” Rafe lowered his head under the compliment. Whether it should have or not, it felt good to be complimented. It felt good to be the center of someone’s attention for once instead of constantly battling for the spotlight.

Maybe having a little fun with Steve wasn’t such a bad idea. It was something he could do for himself, something that would make him feel like he used to.

And if that wasn’t a stupid, convenient lie he didn’t know what was.

“So how are things in the London financial market?” he asked, turning the conversation to Steve and his life to take the spotlight off himself.

“Oh, you know.” Steve shrugged and gestured for the bartender. “Money makes the world go ’round. Actually, I’ve just started working with your cousin, Baxter.”

Rafe ordered a drink then relaxed into Steve’s explanation of everything going on in his life and how Bax’s new LGBTQ-focused accounting business was helping him. It was soothing and easy. Letting someone else drone on while you nodded and asked leading questions in the right places didn’t require all that much brain.

Wasn’t that why he’d enjoyed dating and clubbing so much in the past? He could turn off his brain and let other parts of his body lead for a change. He’d never been disappointed, except on the nights when he and his partner of the moment had had too much to drink. But even those times had fond, silly memories attached to them.

The more Steve droned on, though, the hollower Rafe felt. Was that it? Was that all he’d cared about in the past? It was clear that Steve was just talking to fill space before they got down to what they were ostensibly there for, but was that what Rafe really wanted?

“So then Kyle said to me ‘You can’t sell a horse to the airline industry’,” Steve said, then proceeded to laugh hilariously.

Rafe laughed with him, but he’d completely lost the thread of the conversation. He peeked around subtly as Steve went on, scooting closer on his stool and running his fingers along the back of Rafe’s hand and wrist as it rested on the bar.

The majority of the men laughing, flirting, and dancing in the middle of the club were younger than him. Some of the guys sitting at the bar or at intimate tables scattered around the perimeter were older, but not many. A lot of the guys wore wedding rings, whether they were young or old. They danced and gyrated with each other, but it was clear that there were established couples mingled in with the young guys looking for a good time.

If you had asked Rafe which of those groups of guys he wanted to be a part of a year ago, he would have stuck himself in with the hot, young twinks just looking to get laid. Those days were long gone, though. Now his gaze drifted to the older guys at the tables, their arms around each other as they engaged in what looked like lively conversations with their friends instead of grinding with the cuties on the dance floor.

When had he grown up so much? When had stability and long-term partnership become more important to him than a good time?

Of course, with Jake, he had the potential for a long-term partnership and a good time. The same things that made Jake a headache and hard to deal with also made him fun. Yes, the man needed professional help, but didn’t everybody in some way? As far as Rafe was concerned, Jake’s problems were minor compared to some of the shit he’d seen in his day.

What if he and Jake married, Jake got the visa and then the passport that he craved so badly, and instead of parting ways once the ink was fully dry, they stayed together? They could have a partnership in every sense of the word. Their work coincided so perfectly, and the joint English countryside project they were working on had incredible potential.

They could be partners in every sense of the word.

With a slow intake of breath, Rafe realized that was what he wanted, not nights of cheap hook-ups with guys he liked but could never see himself spending the rest of his life with. His party days were over, and it was time for something more.

“Attention Rafe.”

Rafe blinked and dragged his eyes back to Steve. His face heated as he realized he’d been completely ignoring his date.

“There you are,” Steve said, smiling. “I know you’re exhausted after a long day, but I’m not that boring, am I?”

Rafe laughed sheepishly and lowered his head. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s not that. I’m just sitting here wondering what I’m doing.”

“I hope what you’re doing is having a good time,” Steve said, sliding his fingers through Rafe’s to hold his hand on top of the bar before Rafe could pull away. “I hope you’re looking forward to more, too.”

That was just the thing. He was looking forward to more. He was looking forward to a whole different chapter of his life, the one that involved Jake by his side, come what may.

“Listen, Steve,” he said, pulling his hand away, though Steve tried to keep the contact.

Rafe didn’t get any farther. A flicker of movement from the club’s door caught his attention. He turned and sat a little straighter as Jake walked through the door, dressed in tight black jeans and a blue, sequined top that he must have taken from the clothes room. He looked radiant, even in the club’s dim light.

It only took Jake a few seconds to find him sitting at the bar. As their eyes met, Rafe’s heart started to beat twice as fast. It was not the reaction of someone seeing a friend walk into a club, it was more. Jake was so much more to him.

Everything was perfect for a fluttering heartbeat before Jake’s gaze dropped to Rafe’s and Steve’s hands twined together on the bar.