Page 56 of Bloody Black

I can’t leave without checking on Holly. Even though the rest of the crew is ready to go, and the timing is getting tight… I still have to see her. Reassure myself that she’s still alive. For a moment, I stand outside in the small corridor, practicing my speech.

I’m sorry. It’s going to be fine. What do you say when yet another friend hovers at the edge of death, and you’re the one who put them there?

The door creaks as I slip inside, closing it behind me with a soft click.

Much to my relief, she’s breathing, shallow but steady.

Tremaine has tucked her in, and even though her forehead is damp, she seems to be resting peacefully.

She looks less pale, although I can’t tell if that is just my wishful thinking.

She certainly isn’t fully healed, which is what I expected.

Especially given my deal with the demon.

After a beat, I take a seat in the empty chair. The room is dim, lit only by the slant of lantern light. There’s a basin on the floor, half full of pink water… a spare blanket folded neatly on the end of the bed.

Somehow it’s all overwhelming.

After years of being numb or having nothing but anger, I am suddenly full of feelings. Sadness. Regret. Guilt. Something else that feels… bittersweet. I suppose I could blame that on Robb, but maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m evolving.

“Have to be honest, I can’t believe Teach isn’t here.” I consider her still form. The curves of her body under the blanket look like far-off islands, a dull grey smudge against the sea.

It reminds me of the beginning. The early days, full of mistakes, where we were still learning to sail, figuring out how to bait a fish hook.

It reminds me of swimming holes and luminous harbors, storms and bonfires and white sand beaches.

The whole way, Holly was there, reminding us to eat and go to sleep, nursing our wounds. Mediating our disputes.

I would have been lost without her, yet I can’t remember the last time we had a conversation. I’ve been so selfishly focused on my revenge that I hadn’t noticed her changing. Hadn’t known she’d fallen in love.

Don’t die. It seems unlucky to say it aloud, so I settle for stroking her hand instead. After so long of not touching people, I marvel at how soft her skin is. Beneath my calloused fingertips, it feels like rose petals.

“Don’t look so worried, Captain.” Her voice is thin, but it’s the same teasing tone she used when I fell overboard during my first week at sea.

“How are you doing?” I lean closer, examining .

“Been better. You know.”

It seems like meaningless small talk, and I cannot make myself follow through.

Not when she’s been injured so seriously.

Not when everyone is broken, exhausted, maimed, bruised.

Dead, never to return. “Honestly, Holly, I’ve been thinking.

Maybe I should call it all off. Sail on and never turn back. ”

“Really?” Her lips turn in a rueful smirk, as if she thinks I’m joking. “You’ll just let him live? He can marry your sister, keep your throne… live in your home? You’d just walk away and let William have it?”

I sigh loudly. “If I die chasing him, that’s one thing. But dragging you all with me? That’s not who I want to be.”

“Are you saying we did it all for nothing?”

“I’m saying that maybe my revenge wasn’t worth the cost.”

Holly blinks. “But he’s—he’s terrible. He’s a murderer.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but so are we.” I shake my head. “No quarter, no mercy. Remember?”

“That’s your throne. Your legacy.” Holly’s voice is thin but unyielding. “You’re only saying this because you’re afraid. Because you’re worried about me.”

“I am worried,” I agree. “You could have died.”

“I could die from a mosquito bite.”

I inhale sharply, my tone gentling. “The world is more complicated than I thought, Holly. We’re not always good, maybe they aren’t always bad.”

“Regardless, this is a war. And it’s one you need to win.”

I stare out the porthole, watching the smudge of land in the distance. “Alright. ”

“I told you that we would follow. To the deepest of depths, over the darkest of oceans.”

“I’ve always thought you didn’t really mean that. Or, I guess, I never saw myself as a person worth following.”

Holly sighs loudly. “I swear if it’s the last thing I ever do, I’m going to convince you.”

Convince me?

At my blank look, she keeps talking. “You are our leader, the true-born queen. However much you may want to, you can’t do it alone. You’re always whinging off, trying to do everything solo. Stop that. Take your crew and go give that bastard the hell he deserves.”

But this time the words don’t feel true. “I want my throne back, I do. But not if it costs me you. Or Teach. Or Domino. I’ve already lost too many things. And if I keep losing…

“You’re not going to lose, Anne. You were meant to be. ”

Maybe.

The truth is, I don’t even care anymore about who knew what or when. I just want it to be finished. I want to turn the page and start over again. A new life, with my friends. With a family. I can’t forgive, and I can’t forget, but I could at least stop looking back.

Holly notes the expression on my face and takes my hand in hers. “Listen to me. You are more than the bad things that happened to you. You are more than your mistakes. You’ve had the strength—the courage—to rebuild. Not everyone gets the chance to do that.”

“I hurt a lot of people along the way.” I swipe at my eyes. When did I become such a crier ?

“Nobody’s perfect.” She winces, hissing as she takes a shaky breath.

Least of all me. Scourge of the seas.

“William beat me because I was weak. Because I was naive. Because—”

“Because he tricked you.” Holly interrupts, her voice cutting through my self-loathing with surprising force.

“Because he learned who you were and what you cared about and used it against you. Who you were wasn’t bad, Anne.

When are you going to stop focusing on your weakness instead of his cruelty? ”

It’s a fair point, and one I don’t know the answer to.

“Regardless, who I was is gone. William killed me. Killed Anne.”

“Yes. He did.” She smiles weakly. “And you rose from the ashes. Don’t waste this opportunity.”

For the second time in an hour, I find myself saying the same thing. “Don’t leave me. I don’t want—”

“I’m not going anywhere. Tremaine stitched me up so tightly, I’m going to be sweeping and mopping tomorrow.” She laughs softly. “Though I do hate to miss your big victory.”

She’s right. Everything we’ve fought for is right within reach; it does none of us any good if I start to panic now. Xandretta and Domino are waiting up on the deck, armed to the teeth. Robb hopefully hasn’t sawed through any ropes yet.

Because she knows me, because she’s been here for everything, Holly can read my face perfectly. She watches my resolve harden, sees the storm within me calm.

“Ah. There you are, Captain.” She sighs contentedly and relaxes back into the pillow. “Now go on, my girl. Bring me back a crown.”