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The desk is just a plank of wood balanced across two filing cabinets.

The computer hums like it’s alive.

I don’t even bother taking off my coat. Just sit down, crack my knuckles, and fire up AOL.

Welcome.

You’ve got mail.

(Spam, of course.)

I click into my buddy list.

She’s not online.

I minimize the window. Maximize it again. Then just… stare at it. Like, if I focus hard enough, her name will appear .

But nothing.

The clock ticks past 2:00 a.m. I change my away message. Then change it again. I settle on: Still here -Fang950

I leave it there like a lighthouse in a rolling fog.

I try to eat. Can’t.

Try to sleep. Won’t.

Try to write her a message. Don’t.

Everything feels like it would be too much or not enough. And I don’t want to scare her off. But I do want her to know I’m still here, dammit. Still listening.

She said she needed space.

I’m giving it to her, hard as that is.

Meanwhile, AIM keeps pinging softly with other names signing on and off, and every time I hear the sound, I jolt upright like I’d heard a gunshot.

But it’s never her.

Crap.