Page 16 of Blood & Honey (Saint’s Outlaws MC: Deadman’s Beach, AL #2)
Chapter Fifteen
“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Blood asks as I pull my purse strap onto my shoulder and dig out my keys.
“I think I need to do this alone.”
He nods and doesn’t push the issue.
I’m spreading my sister’s ashes today. I had some of them put into a locket for me and a pocket knife for Ash when he’s older.
“I won’t be gone long.” I kiss his cheek and the top of my nephew’s head as he sleeps on Blood’s chest.
“Take all the time you need. We’re not going anywhere.”
“You’d better not.”
He wraps a hand around the back of my neck as I pull away, drawing me back toward him for another kiss.
“Later, baby.”
I grab the urn from the mantle finding it hard to beleive that this is all that is left of my sister.
Dust and my memories.
Ash will never know her touch or her laughter.
That when we were kids and I’d get scared of a storm she’d feed me marshmallows and braid my hair.
Or how she’d always get the lyrics wrong to every song.
That she always had to have her toenails painted red just like our mother.
She loved dipping her pizza in ranch dressing.
She was supposed to grow old with me.
She should be here to raise her son.
Now it is up to me to make sure he knows that for all the bad in the end she gave me lots of good.
She gave me him. And in a way she gave me Blood, too.
As I get into my jeep, I can’t get thoughts of Shelby and how scared she must have been in the end out of my mind. As weird as it sounds, I’m glad Blood was with her. I like to think that in those final moments they shared he somehow found it in his heart to forgive her or make peace with her.
Some may find that silly or weird considering the things she did. Shelby was just…I don’t know, lost or misguided. I hope. That’s what I want to believe. Is that somewhere in her jumbled mind that she believed she was doing what she had to. I can’t reconcile it in any other way.
Candyce told me that Shelby was with Momma Tee when they were taken.
I guess Momma Tee had promised Shelby that if she helped her, she’d make sure that she could leave with Ash and start over somewhere. But after they got to the boathouse, she was keeping them in Momma Tee turned on Shelby and wouldn’t even let her hold her son.
All of that pain and loss for nothing.
Greed does funny things to people.
The sister I knew and the one who killed people are two different people. I don’t know the Shelby who did terrible things, so I’m going to remember her as the sister I loved. The one I was even jealous of at times because she was beautiful and had a hot biker boyfriend.
That biker is now my husband, and I know Shelby would want me to be happy. Even if it is with Blood. She loved him too.
And despite what he says now, I know what she did broke his heart, but I’ll spend the rest of my life putting those pieces back together.
I’m going to live the life Shelby will never have the chance to.
I drive to the cemetery where our mother is buried and park.
I grab her urn from the passenger side and stroll to where her tombstone is.
This is my first time coming out here since she passed away all them years ago.
I figured they should be together. It’s what Mom would have wanted.
Shelby would come here to talk to her whenever she was missing her.
I couldn’t bring myself to come. I was always still too angry with her for dying.
Like I blamed her for leaving us too soon.
I clear away the dead leaves and overgrown foliage and place Shelby’s remains next to the headstone.
“Hey, Momma. It’s me. Ashley. I feel kind of stupid talking to a rock or whatever, but I’m here, and I brought Shelby with me.
Maybe you know that. I don’t know if you can see me or hear me.
If you can, I hope that you’re together and that you’ll watch over Ash and me.
I love you and I miss you both every day.
” I kiss two of my fingers, then press them to the urn and then the headstone.
“I’ll bring Ash next time I come. You’d both be amazed at what a cute kid he is. I promise that I’ll give him a good life and raise him with so much love he’ll feel smothered by it at times.” I get choked by my tears and swipe them away. “I love you both of you.”
I take the bottle of red nail polish out of my purse and place it on the grave along with the flowers I bought on the way here.
The walk back to my vehicle is somber yet peaceful.
Birds are singing. Insects are chirping, and the sun is shining.
I hope Shelby found the peace in death that she never found in this life.
I’m almost home when I get a text from Blood telling me to meet him at the clubhouse.
“What’s going on?” I slip under Blood’s arm as he stares out at the beach.
He points down the shoreline, and I spot one of the guys carrying a woman in his arms.
“Who is that?”
“Not a fucking clue. Guts said Kevlar found her washed up on the beach.”
“Is she alive?”
“I hope so.”
To be continued in Kevlar & Lace