Page 26 of Blood from the Marrow (Lilith’s Legacy #2)

Chapter Eighteen

Time had gotten strange to Elena. She slept sometimes, ate never, and sat at her desk waiting always. Waiting for what, she was no longer sure. But she felt it getting closer. Saw it in her periphery. An animal stalking her in the shadows waiting to pounce. Waiting to give her the end she deserved.

Days bled into nights bled into days. She faced east, eyes closed, and wondered why she hadn’t chosen an office with a window.

If she hadn’t picked a room at the center of the penthouse, she’d feel the sunrise on her skin.

Maybe she’d open a window if she had one.

Let the natural order of things drain her energy until there was no more to take.

Would it feel like ceasing to exist, or would the sun and salt make her feel like going back home? To return to the time before she made so many irreversible mistakes. Her sore chest throbbed. A time before she ruined so many lives. Before she could destroy more.

It was hard to believe that Elena had once felt so connected to her body. That she’d labored under the intoxicating illusion of control. Of blind confidence in her ability to know everything around her. Everyone around her.

For days innumerable, she’d been watching herself from somewhere above a body that felt foreign. Borrowed. Stolen. She’d known so many lovers much better than she knew herself now.

Elena’s fingers curled into fists. She couldn’t stop the images of Marisol and Zuri from flashing in her undisciplined mind. To see their eyes, wide and earnest and shining with all the love she didn’t deserve. Love she could never deserve when all she’d brought to their lives was danger.

Tired, Elena stood from her desk. The moment she moved, Luna and Loba stirred from where they’d been sleeping at her feet. The only comfort she hadn’t managed to push away was the dogs. Even now, she was too weak not to be selfish.

Dutifully, they followed Elena to the door. She crouched down to hug them. But she couldn’t give them more than a moment before emotion, useless and barbed, burned in her eyes and chest and the soul she didn’t really think remained until it collected more gouges in the flimsy fabric.

She couldn’t bear to look at the members of her cartel. The ones who refused to leave the penthouse. She couldn’t think about the greater number Librada alleged was gathered around the city awaiting a command. Anticipating a clarion call that was never coming.

Deflecting the unwarranted hope bombarding her while she walked as if blocking it would do anything to mitigate her self-hatred, Elena opened the door to a bedroom that once felt like hers. Two women whom she’d once deluded herself into believing she deserved walked out of the closet.

It was the moment Elena had been waiting for. The one she’d made herself hope would come.

And yet. The sight of Marisol and Zuri carrying luggage was debilitating. The moment when they stopped and stared at her, a living nightmare.

Their eyes on her were a bullet to the sternum—sharp, shattering, everything inside her failing at once. Her body went rigid, unsteady heart thundering against weak ribs. The pain worse than any physical projectile to ever shred her body.

This was it. She was hollowed out, scooped empty by the realization that hope was about to walk away from her. Panic crawled up her throat, acidic and unrelenting, making it impossible to breathe.

This was what she’d wanted, but she still had to wrestle her desire to beg. To reach for them. To say something that would make them stay, but the words were trapped in her clenched teeth.

She wanted to run. Either toward them or away from herself, Elena couldn’t tell. But the instinct burned in her muscles while she stood frozen. Rooted to the floor by grief and guilt and regret, she waited for what light remained to abandon her to the darkness she’d created.

This was right, she reminded herself while she tried to get her body to move.

If Elena’s wealth was worth anything, it was her ability to spare no expense in keeping them safe.

Keeping them out of her destructive orbit with new identities and an Alaskan home she would turn into a bunker.

If any vampire was determined to aid her, they could do it by protecting Elena and Marisol in a way she could not.

This was it, she repeated. And it was for the best. Elena’s selfish desires couldn’t matter now. Not when the price for what she wanted was so high.

“Oh, shit.” Zuri turned to Marisol as if Elena weren’t standing in the doorway. “What do you think Venice is like in October?” Her acting was so over the top, Elena was immediately ejected from her morbid thoughts.

Marisol hesitated, but her stumble only lasted a moment before she picked up Zuri’s strange game. “Northern Italy in autumn?” Her acting was worse than Zuri’s. “I’m going to say sunny days and cool nights? I’ve never been to Europe.”

“Venice?” Elena choked on the poorly disguised lure. “Where the hell are you going?”

Zuri pretended to be startled at the sound of Elena’s voice. She looked at her, dark eyes wide. “To learn a little history.”

Elena’s mind was tired, but not too dull to miss the connection between the city and history. “Absolutely fucking not. You’re not going to a vampire—”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Zuri’s laughter was caustic and cold when it slithered down Elena’s spine.

“You think you can just pop in and out of this relationship?” She dropped her bag on the floor with a soft thud.

“That’s not how this works. In or out, Elena.

” Her arms crossed over her chest looked more like a self-soothing motion than protection.

“And if it’s out, no fucking problem. That’s just fine.

We’re still going to save your ass and take Sayah down with my witches and her Aglion and all your vampires.

Librada is coming with us, so you don’t have to do anything but hide.

Since that’s the only thing you’re interested in lately. ”

Staggered, Elena shook her head. Stomach heaving and chest tightening, her body was in revolt. Like it wanted to mutiny in exchange for new leadership.

Hiding? That wasn’t what she was doing. She was fortifying herself against the darkness she’d let loose. She was…

Elena blinked, vision blurring. What had they been doing while Elena waited for the end? She couldn’t cope with the enormity of them fighting her fight. It was too much, too bright, too good.

She wanted to reach for them. To thank them and hold them and love them before asking a thousand questions. What turns had they taken to end up with Lib’s old cult? But it wasn’t fair to indulge and she did not allow it.

“I’m going,” Elena said, voice rough from disuse. “There is no way I’m letting you risk yourselves. Lib hasn’t been there in nearly a century.” Her thoughts raced to deceit and traps and lies in the shadows. A cult devoted to Lilith’s daughters and trapped in the past was not where she’d seek help.

Zuri stepped forward, chin tilted up. A new red tattoo on her forearm sparked with magic—light pouring out of her like the Eiffel Tower at midnight, impossible to ignore, impossible to dim. The air thrummed around her, power making her more alive than anything Elena had ever seen.

She had so many questions about that. Had she formed her coven? Had Librada gotten the relics for her? Questions rose and fell and remained unasked.

“You really want to come with us?” Marisol asked, the crack in her voice a dagger to Elena’s already broken heart.

“I might just let you,” Zuri said like she couldn’t decide how angry she was.

“But it’s about time you wake the fuck up.

That you realize we survived.” Her voice was low and fierce and vibrating with everything that made Zuri impossible not to love.

“We’re fucking alive, Elena.” She raised her arms, tattoo pulsing, as if Elena hadn’t noticed her surroundings since they dragged themselves home from a bloodbath.

“We made it through hell, and it’s time we start fucking acting like it.

If you step out of your fancy ass prison, this is over.

No more hiding. No more trying to suffocate yourself with guilt and self-pity.

” Zuri’s voice trembled and her eyes watered.

“We are done surviving.” Her lip curled and the tiniest fire sputtered to brief life in Elena’s gut.

“It’s time to fight. To keep what’s ours and show Sayah she made the biggest fucking mistake of her life. ”

Thunder cracked, loud and sudden, rattling Elena’s teeth.

“Please, Elena,” Marisol said so gently it nearly brought Elena to her knees. “We need you.”

Elena felt the echo of their words in her chest. It burned with the desperate hope that they could see their way through this. That they could all endure this together.

The longing to reach for them nearly broke her, but Elena held her ground. She would not be the one to ask for more than she deserved. Not now.

But she was going with them. Into the fire, into the unknown, into the next impossible thing. And even if she couldn’t hold them, she could stand at their side. For now, that would have to be enough.

Elena nodded, uncertainty shredding her gut.

She doubted she could meet Zuri’s terms. Doubted she could drag herself back to her body after so long.

But they didn’t have to know that. Not yet.

First, she had to see them safely in and out of another situation she couldn’t control. First, she had to protect them.