Page 28 of Bleeding Hearts

I guess I grew up to be just like him though, hurting those I love.

Maybe he was just as fucked up as I am now, lost, alone, and lashing out for attention.

The reminder only makes my thoughts spiral to that dark place, the one I fight against every day, but trapped in a coffin, he’s all that consumes my mind now.

Is this how Tommy feels, buried in the ground, being eaten by spiders and insects?

He would hate it. He loved the sun. He loved daytime more than the night. It was the only thing we ever truly disagreed on.

I suppose he won’t mind, since he’s dead and not actually in a coffin, but that thought keeps floating around until I feel tears drip down my face. He’s dead.

I don’t know why it hits me so hard, but it does.

Tommy is dead. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back.

My sobs fill the coffin, and I curl onto my side as much as I can, trying to breathe past my aching heart. At least it drowns out the feeling of the spiders, and before I know it, the coffin top is opening. Fresh air flows in, and I peer through my fingers to see the night sky above me.

Breathing deeply, I wipe at my face and sit up, but my eyes drop to the coffin and the spiders sharing the space with me. I grab the edges and throw myself up and out, scrambling to get away from them as fast as I can.

My feet hit the solid earth, but my breathing is fast, and I can still feel them on me. As I spin around, brushing them from my body, my eyes land on an open, empty coffin where wasps currently buzz about. There’s no person inside. Did they tap out?

I’m curious about what was in the others, and I look at them as people run away screaming, while others simply sink to their knees, crying. One person is even throwing up in front of their coffin, and my eyes widen in horror and disgust as insects writhe in their vomit. They must have swallowed them while screaming.

Worms.

Snakes.

Spiders.

Insects.

Bats.

My eyes meet hers where she’s rapidly brushing ants from her body. Her face is pale, but she seems okay. Ants. She got ants.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I suddenly feel something on my back. I let out a shriek, and her head jerks up as I spin, desperately trying to get it off me.

“Here, let me help.” She rushes over. “Stay still.”

“It’s okay. I’m fine. I’ll get it,” I snap, knowing she won’t like touching it.

“Stand still,” she barks, and I freeze under her command. She slowly plucks something from my clothing and lets out a disgusted little scream as she puts it in the grass and wipes her hands on her sides.

“Anymore?” I ask. “Please, anymore?”

“No, you’re fine.”

“There is! I can feel them—” I know I’m spiraling, but I can’t help it.

Her hands cup my cheeks, and she presses her forehead to mine, stilling me. “There are none. Look into my eyes, Lally. Just focus on my eyes, nothing else. You’re fine. There are no more on you. I’m sure of it. Just breathe with me.” She grabs my hands and presses them to her chest where she breathes slowly. “That’s it, copy me. Slowly in, slowly out.”

“They are on me. I can feel them.” I start to spiral again, but her lips crush against mine.

My eyes widen as we stare at each other, our lips pressed together. She pulls back slowly, her smile small and unsure. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, just look at me. There is nothing on you, I promise. You’re fine.”

My skin crawls, but I force myself to calm down, trusting her. “Okay, I’m okay,” I rasp, my voice choked. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. They were just ants, so it wasn’t too bad. I didn’t like the dark, but I got through it.”