Page 54 of Bleed the Shadows

“Food court okay?” I asked.

“It’s fine.”

Now that she’d seen I was okay her mood had shifted from worried to mad. I hated when Bailey was mad at me, but it was better than worried. I knew all too well how much it cost to worry about someone — I’d been worried sick about June in the year before her murder — and I hated that I’d made Bailey worry about me.

I stood in line for Chinese while Bailey went to get a salad. We met up at one of the tables in the center of the food court and got settled.

“You could have texted me back,” she said, pouring dressing over her salad. “It only takes a second.”

“I know. I’m so sorry.” I’d texted her the morning after the Hunt to let her know I was back with the Butchers, but after that, I had to admit I’d gone pretty dark.

I knew she was really mad at me by the way she furiously mixed her salad with her fork. “Just tell me what’s going on.”

“They’re going to help me. With Ethan Todd.”

She sighed. “Do you think that makes me less worried?”

I picked at my food. “Probably not, but it’s part of why I’ve been MIA.”

She put down her fork and leaned over the table. “You’re living with three guys who run drugs and who knows what else, who chase women through tunnels for the purpose of making them slaves for three months, and together you’re all planning the murder of a high-profile influencer with legions of crazed male fans. Do you see why I’d be worried?”

I tried for a wry smile. “Well when you put it that way…”

“This isn’t funny, Maeve.”

I sighed. “I know. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what to say. I’m finally going to get justice for June. Once that happens…”

Her eyes widened. “What? Once that happens what?”

I pressed my lips together. “I don’t know. Things can go back to normal, I guess.”

“And what’s normal, Maeve? Please tell me what this ‘normal’ will look like when you solve all your problems by killing Ethan Todd.”

Her voice had slowly gotten louder, and I looked around, nervous that one of the holiday shoppers in the food court might overhear.

“I mean, I’ll come back to live with you at the apartment. Maybe I’ll try to get a job in a kitchen somewhere. I don’t know. Normal.”

“Will you really, Maeve? Will you really come back to the apartment? Will you really participate in killing someone and then just go get a job in some restaurant like it never happened?”

“Yes.” It came out louder and more angry than I’d intended and two women who looked like mother and daughter turned to look at us. I took a deep breath and lowered my voice. “Yes. I just need to do this, okay? You know I need to do this.”

“It’s not going to bring her back,” Bailey said softly.

I blinked back the tears that stung my eyes. “I know that. Don’t you think I know that?”

She moved her salad around with her fork. “And these guys, these… Butchers, they know how to do this without getting caught?”

This was why Bailey had been my best friend for so long. No matter how much she disapproved of what I was doing, if I was burying a body, she was bringing a shovel.

“They know more than I do about how to do it without getting caught.”

She took a listless bite of her salad, then put her fork down. “I just want you to really think about this, okay? Consider the possibility that this isn’t going to make everything right. That it’s just going to be one more fucked-up thing you have to live withwhen it’s all said and done. Will you at least think about it some more?”

I nodded.

“And these guys, the Butchers, are you in love with one of them?” I looked down and she continued. “Or… all of them?”

I chewed my lower lip. “‘Love’ is a strong word.”