Page 53 of Blackmail

“They’re going to feed him and take X-rays. They’ll call me when they know more.”

The room around me is empty and sterile now that the dog and doctor are gone. Nothing but a stainless-steel exam table and two chairs. Leaving this room means leaving Sebastian, though. No, I’m not sure I’m ready.

Will you ever be?

No.

Things get awkward when we hit the parking lot—not precisely awkward. Sebastian’s heated gaze tells me we’re both thinking the same thing but can’t go there. I can’t go there.

“Let me give you a ride.”

I gesture over my shoulder. “I drove here.”

He nods. “We’re both covered in mud. I have an excellent shower.”

“I can’t.” It takes everything in me to put space between us, but I manage a few steps back. “I can’t see you again, Sebastian.”

I’m a liar, and lying this hard hurts my chest. I want to go home with him, get warm and showered, and crawl into his bed so badly. I want to eat pizza together and play video games with his neighbor. But this is no fairy tale, and I can’t let myself think about happy endings.

“Simon. The divorce is a matter of time.”

“It’s not about that.” Okay, it’s at least partly about that. “It’s about you being you, and me being me, and there being no point in continuing this shit whatsoever.”

“What about the fact that we enjoy each other’s company?”

What about the fact that I’m already catching feelings, and when you let me down, I won’t survive?

“I have a job that barely pays above minimum wage. I have volunteer work. I am studying for my nursing certification, and when I pass, I’ll most likely move to a bigger city with more jobs and better pay. By the way, I also fuck guys for money. There’s no world where I have time for a relationship, even if it would work out between us.”

“And you think it wouldn’t.”

“We both know you’re only fucking me as some power trip because I was in bed with Tony, right?”

Sebastian’s jaw hardens. “No. I don’t know.”

“Even so, how do you and I make sense? Outside of bed, I mean.”

His eyes look like they’re pleading. His lips don’t move.

“That’s what I thought.” There’s a burning in my throat as I swallow down the urge to say more. To take back what I just said.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out. As predicted, the assisted living home is pulling in anyone who can help before the storm.

I hold up my phone. “I gotta go to work. The county has issued an evacuation order for the elderly and infirm. They need help preparing patients for transport.”

Sebastian frowns. “What about you?”

“I’m not elderly or infirm.”

“We’re on the coast, Simon. If they issue evacuation orders for the elderly, they will probably issue orders for everyone else.”

Yeah, that’s often how it happens. A few days before the storm is due to make landfall, they tell all older people to haul ass. Then the folks living in mobile structures. Then everyone else, or at least everyone close to the coast. Doing it in waves like that is supposed to help with traffic.

Given how the town looked dead these last few days, some folks already packed up. Some die-hard locals probably won’t go even if they’re ordered to.

I shrug. “I don’t live near shore. If I need to I can stay with Brennan. He’s already babysitting my cat.”

Sebastian nods. My phone buzzes again. He’s got his fists clenched and looks like he wants to say something more. Part of me wants to know what it is, but I really do have to go.