Page 114 of Blackheart

A slick smile spread across his face as I approached the circular high-top table. “Well, if it isn't my old friend from the wicked ‘Wards,” he drunkenly chuckled. He must have been working out and eating more since arriving in Castivian. He looked healthy andstrong.

Amzee’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you know Elora, too?” She tapped the chair next to her for me to sit, so I did.

“Of course. She was on the ship with us. I was stuck with her in the ol’ obsidian prison before that. Almost died together once, actually, now that I recall… small world.” Beck laughed. He carried it all so well, the pain and baggage.

I was envious.

“We didnotdie,” I agreed, not quite as optimistically as him.

The guilt of rejecting Riven forced itself to the forefront of my mind, stinging worse than a Drakenhornet. My mind fed on that pain, longing for more.

The last time I’d been in a tavern with Beck, Luna had been there.

“Are you okay?” I heard Amzee’s voice, but I sat staring at the table.

No, I was not okay. But saying it felt risky, like they would think I was just craving attention. That was the last thing I wanted. What I desired was a future that wasn’t hollow. To sleep without dreading morning. I wanted to care about myself, but I had no idea how.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

Without a second thought, Beck slid his glass to me. “For you, immediately.”

“How can we help?” Amzee set down her cards.

If they thought I was worthy of such kindness, I must have been fooling them, because there was a cruel darkness inside of me. The real me could never deserve sympathy or affection. Sooner or later, they would see the truth of who I was deep down, and leave, just like everyone else.

Sweat pearled on my palms. I couldn’t keep up with the racing thoughts or the overstimulating sounds. I should have stayed home and gone to sleep.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Amzee said gently. “Do you know any card games?”

I grabbed the glass in front of me and shot the liquid back, embracing its burn. “I’d love to play if you don’t mind teaching me.”

Amzee got right to the instructions while Beck ordered more drinks.

As we played, Beck delighted in telling us about his future plans. Maybe it was to distract me, or maybe it was to distract himself.

He’d been taking full advantage of his Nature, lurking around enough to hear there might be a ship going back across the Sea of Blades soon. A discreet trip to bring back refugees. There were already people getting out of the Northern and Western Waywards in small groups, thanks to the Rogue Drakers. Beck explained that ever since he’d found out about the ship, he’d been trying to figure out how to sign up. If Rogue Drakers could get people out, so could he.

“There are two different Waywards?” Amzee asked, sorting through her deck.

“Three,” I answered. “North, south, and west. I’ve heard south is alright, west is supposedly the worst.” Thinking about the people still stuck in the Waywards made the alcohol sour in my stomach.

“How do you know that?”

With the back-to-back questions Amzee had, I considered inviting her to Lady Jocelynn’s show.

Beck took over. “Because, love, we’d hear rumors from the Drakers, and we kept getting more work. Supposedly, the reason we got loads added on was because the people in the west ‘Wards had been dying out.” He slapped a card down onto the wobbly table.

Amzee cracked her neck. “Well, I’d love to come help again. Zephy, too, if they’ll allow him.”

I wanted to help as well, even if it meant crossing those sickly seas again. The possibility was unlikely, though, since I’d probably be in a wedding dress when the ship left the harbor.

“I’m sure they’ll take you, Amzee,” Beck said. “I don’t know about your bladebreather, though. You know how hesitant everyone is about them.”

Amzee’s lips straightened.

“He’s very loyal. Maybe if they started allowing bladebreathers to be used regularly in the upcoming war efforts, we’d have a chance at winning.” It was uncharacteristically snippy, but graceful nonetheless.

“I was unaware they were frowned upon,” I admitted.