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Chapter Eleven

RAELYN

“They should be over here somewhere.” Ronnie points to a parking lot area ahead of us, looking for the mobile showers.

Over the last couple of weeks, Ronnie has been teaching me the ropes of living in Las Vegas. Well, living in Las Vegas when you actually don’t have anywhere to live. How to survive on the street.

We wander the cool casinos during the day and enjoy the nightlife once it’s cooler at night. She has become my shadow, and I am grateful for it. But right now, what we need are showers. Desperately.

There are so many nights I wake up from nightmares, or during the day when out of nowhere I become nauseous and end up puking my guts up.

Not to mention that I feel like I am constantly under watch.

The detox side effects are slow to go away.

I still have the shakes and anxiety. My nausea hasn’t lightened up at all.

She has made me more comfortable around her, so much so that I have opened up a bit more to her. I told her that I was kept by a guy, and I escaped. She knows that much. So she’s dedicated herself to being my shadow. She has vowed to keep me safe.

There are good days, and there are really, really bad days.

Days when my skin feels like it’s crawling.

Days when I cry and can’t seem to move from the spot we find.

Where my chest feels like it is ready to burst with a single breath.

Some days I can’t even think straight. My body feels numb yet ready to combust at any moment.

“There they are!” Ronnie exclaims with a smile on her face.

My thoughts halt as I break out into a smile as well, as soon as I realize I will be under some hot water and I will get to feel clean.

As we approach the mobile showers, there is a tent off to the side that a few people are lined up next to. We both approach the tent, but I walk cautiously behind Ronnie as we do.

“Hi there!” an older woman with her grey hair pulled back says as she fans herself. “Sure is hot today.”

“Yes, it is,” Ronnie agrees. “Can we get a couple of showers?”

“Absolutely. The truck there has two right next to each other that are empty. Here.” She hands us each a bag with shampoo and soap, along with a towel underneath.

“Thank you,” I say quietly.

“If you head over there, Rebecca will let you into the bathrooms. And when you’re done, there is a food pantry in the building there; you can pick out some food and water for yourselves. My name is Nancy, if you need anything.” She smiles as she points over to the showers.

Ronnie and I nod and make our way over toward the showers. And I am relieved to be getting this. A hot shower will feel amazing, letting me feel more relaxed.

“Well, that’s awesome. We can shower and fill up our backpacks with some food and water before we head out for the night.” Ronnie bumps my shoulder with hers.

“How much money do we even have for tonight?”

She shrugs. “Enough. We will have to find a few more jobs here and there, but it should get us by the rest of the weekend. Look, don’t worry. Tonight we will look cute, and guys will buy us drinks.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know how I feel about all of this. Wh-what if something happens?”

“Look, you will be fine. I will be there with you; I won’t leave you on your own.

You need to have some fun, feel comfortable again in your own skin.

” Ronnie looks at me with a frown. “You can’t keep just existing in fear.

At some point you will have to rise above the shit hand you were dealt and take back your life. ”

I bite my lip as I take in her words. It’s easier said than done. There is nothing more that I want than to take back my life, but how can I? My memory is still blank. Bits and pieces filter in, but what I see scares the living shit out of me.

How can I take back my life when I don’t even know if I want to know what that life was?

“What’s this place called again?” I ask Ronnie as we walk down Fremont Street.

The crowd seems to be the usual. People are jam-packed walking around, drinks in hand, as they turn every which way to take in the scene.

Phones are stretched out as they take selfies with the lights or performers behind them.

“Throttle and Thirst. Do you have the room key in your pocket?” Ronnie asks.

She was able to score us a deal on a room in a crappy hotel c alled The Queen of Hearts, but it works.

Twenty bucks to have a place to crash and store our things for the night; it’s better than sleeping on the street again.

We have tried going back to the shelters, but I just start to freeze when we get there.

There are so many people there, and they can’t ever guarantee us a room together, which means that I would be in a room with so many other different people that I don’t know.

So we decided that living on the streets was a better option for the both of us. And so far, it’s working.

“Yeah, I have it. Just… Just don’t lose me in there, please,” I beg.

“Girl, I promise I won’t. But you need to let loose tonight. Just let the night be fun, okay? I have been here before. The drinks are cheap, and the guys will buy them time and time again. You look hot and ready to mingle.”

I look down at my ripped jeans and black tank top that shows off my midsection and says “Fuck around and find out” across the front.

Frowning, I shake my head. “I hate mingling. Well, I think I do.” Something about that sentence doesn’t sit right.

Maybe I didn’t hate it before. Before I somehow ended up in that house. Maybe when I was whoever I was before.

God, I fucking need to remember.

“Trust me, a couple drinks in, you will be fine. This is all going to be fine,” Ronnie assures me.

I let out a sigh. “Okay. Wait, I don’t have any identification.”

“You won’t need it. This place doesn’t card.

Been here before many times. They know me, so they will let us drink.

Besides, they can only card if you are buying the drinks, and since we will not be the ones buying tonight, we don’t have to worry!

” She throws her arms up like I should have known that tidbit.

The crowds are out in full force tonight.

Each performer is located in their five-foot circle trying to get the tourists to take a picture with them for money.

Yeah, apparently that’s a thing. Ronnie has shared with me that I just need to keep walking past them, that the moment I stop, they will hound and harass me for money.

Hard pass. Not that I really have money to give them anyway.

And my stranger danger detector is a bit on high alert these days. My paranoia is still strong, given everything that’s happened.

The smell of cigarettes and pot assault my nose, causing my face to scrunch up. The music from the casinos and stores start to blend together as Ronnie guides us through the throngs of people. Most are already drunk off their giant drink they are carrying with them as they walk around.

When we finally do get to Throttle and Thirst, I let out a long breath. I can instantly start to feel a weird sense of both relief and anxiety. Like I want to be here, but a part of me wants to run.

I hate being split into two sides.

“Hey.” Ronnie shakes me a bit. “Snap out of it. I’ve got you; you will be fine. Just stay close by,” she assures me.

I nod and bite my lip. She grabs my hand and opens the door into the bar. Instantly, I’m hit with a thick cloud of cigarette smoke. I cough a little as my lungs are assaulted. The music from the band playing on stage is loud, and I wince at what it’s doing to my ear drums.

“See? We will definitely be getting drinks tonight.”

I scrunch my face, trying to figure out what she’s talking about. When she nods toward the bar in front of us, I see all the eyes that are suddenly upon us. As we walk further into the establishment, they track our every move.

My skin feels like it’s crawling with ants from being under their stares. I try to shift my body to stand behind her, to hide myself from the eyes watching us. This was such a bad idea. We finally find a table and sit.

“Hey there, ladies. I have some drinks for you, compliments of the gentlemen there.” The bartender points to three well-dressed individuals. Three men who look to be in their forties or fifties, dressed in nice button-down shirts and slacks. They definitely stick out like a sore thumb.

Ronnie smiles at the guys and holds up her drink as a thank you. But I keep my eyes on her. “Cheers.” She clinks my glass and takes a sip. “Oh shit. This is Sex on the Beach. This is awesome.”

Reluctantly, I take a small sip. The instant the sweetness of the drink passes my lips, my head sucks me into another place and time.

“Oh my god! Tonight has been so fucking awesome!” the redhead girl next to me yells into my ear.

Her back eyeliner is heavy, and her face makeup barely covers the tired bags under her eyes.

She is skin and bones as a green corset wraps around her, and her black leather pants cling to her barely-there legs.

The sound of a hand clapping in front of my face startles me out of the blurry memory. “Hey! Earth to Raelyn? Snap out of it,” Ronnie exclaims.

“S-Sorry.” The memory lingers in my mind. Or at least, that’s what I think it is, a memory. It feels so real, but the faces are blurry, and the vision is barely hanging on. I rub my temple as I try to shake out of it.

“You okay?” Ronnie frowns, taking another sip of her Sex on the Beach.

“I don’t know. I had a flashback, I think. Or maybe it’s my head playing tricks on me. But these flashes are so confusing.” I look down at my drink.

“Well, let’s forget about that and have fun tonight.

Tomorrow, you can tell me all about it, and we can try to make sense of it all.

Maybe we can get you a journal to write it all down in, like a place to keep track of all the memories or flashes you get so we can piece it together. ” She looks around the bar.