Page 12

CHAPTER 12

JACE

She smiled as I tapped out glasses together, but there was something behind it. Something I wasn’t sure how to read. To try to set her at ease, I filled her in on how the twins had taken the news that the two of us would be spending a lot more time together.

“I told Eli and Wren we’re dating.” Leaning back against the couch cushion, I waited for her reaction.

“Oh, how did they take it?”

“Seeing as how you’re the first woman I’ve dated since their mom left, I wasn’t sure how they’d take it, but they’re happy about it.” I set my glass down on the coffee table and slipped my arm behind her. “I should probably warn you. Wren will probably drive you up a wall asking about drawing and Eli already mentioned inviting you on our end of summer camping trip.”

She sighed. “That actually sounds fabulous.”

“Their mom didn’t like to camp. Didn’t like much about Tennessee, either.” I hadn’t opened up to anyone about Michelle other than my poker buddies, but Delaney deserved to know what she was getting herself into. About my past that had made me put up the walls she’d somehow managed to breech. “Turns out she also didn’t really like me or being a mom.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Delaney reached for my hand.

“It was over between us almost as soon as it started. We met in college, dated a couple of months, and if she hadn’t gotten pregnant…” My words trailed off. “I tried to do the right thing by marrying her. Tried to make it work when I got the job in Tennessee and we moved out here. She was miserable, though.”

Delaney’s fingers squeezed mine, giving me the courage to keep going.

“We stuck it out until the twins turned two. Then she told me she was moving back to Texas. Didn’t even fight me for custody.” My gut still twisted every time I thought about how easily she’d given in. “It was hard the first couple of years, but then I met Tucker, Brody, and Walker. It got easier after that. We’ve been doing alright all these years. Only now, my ex’s parents want to get to know their grandkids.”

“Is that the trip to Texas?”

“Yeah. I’ve done my best but what if it’s not good enough? What if Wren and Eli would rather stay in Texas with them than come home with me?” That was my true concern. I’d been losing touch with my daughter and could tell she craved connection. There was something I wasn’t giving her, and it was killing me not knowing how to fix it. But now, with Delaney next to me, even that worry didn’t seem too big. She made me feel hopeful about everything.

“I’m so sorry.” Delaney put her hand on my chin and stared up at me. The light reflected back at me in her eyes. “You’re a great dad, Jace. The twins adore you and you deserve so much better than the hand you’ve been dealt.”

“You’re right, and now I’ve found that with you.” I leaned forward to brush my lips over hers. “I’m falling for you, Delaney.”

Her breath caught, but not in the way I’d hoped. It was like I’d handed her something too heavy to hold. I didn’t expect her to say she felt exactly the same, but I also didn’t expect her to put her palm on my chest and push me away.

“We need to talk.” Her brow creased and tears welled in the corners of her eyes.

Every muscle in my body tensed. This wasn’t going the way it should. “What’s wrong?”

She swallowed hard. “I got a call earlier today about a job offer back in New York. They want me to start right after Labor Day. It’s everything I want.”

“You’re leaving.” Of course she was. What did I expect, that she’d give up everything to stay in Big Wood with a man she just met and help raise his two kids? I’d been so blown away by my feelings for her—by the fact that I was even still capable of feeling anything at all—that I’d assumed we’d find a way to stay together.

“I haven’t accepted the offer yet.”

“But you will. You have to. Like you said, it’s everything you want.” Resigned and devastated, I hated the way my voice sounded, but I couldn’t help it.

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down on it. “I’m falling for you too. Can’t we find a way to stay together? You and the kids can come visit and we can camp up at Moreau Lake. It’s so beautiful in the fall.”

“And then what? We come visit you, then you come visit us? And eventually we realize it’s too hard so after you’re fully entrenched in Wren and Eli’s lives, we break up and they’re shattered?” I wouldn’t do that to my kids. They’d already lost their mother. I couldn’t watch them let Delaney in and then try to pick up the pieces again when she gave up on us for good.

The tears slid down her cheeks as she stared up at me. “It wouldn’t be forever. There are tons of parks in New York, you could?—”

“This is my home. I’m not willing to rip my kids away from the only place they’ve known to take them somewhere they don’t have family.” Technically they didn’t have blood relatives in Tennessee, but I had my friends. We’d been there for each other through everything, and they were more like family to me than the flesh and blood relatives I’d never even met.

“Then where do we go from here?” Her shoulders sagged in defeat.

“I think you should go home, Delaney.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I’ll go back to the cabin tonight so we can both get some perspective. Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow, or?—”

“No.” I shook my head and resisted the urge to reach out and brush her tears away. “I think you should go back to New York.”

She blinked rapidly, like that sentence physically knocked her off balance. “So that’s it? One hard conversation and we throw it all away?”

When I didn’t respond, her hands clenched into fists.

“What about camp? I asked Wren to draw a new park map that we can print out for visitors, and I told Eli I’d teach him how to tie a lure before summer is over.”

I might have been a fool to trust her with my heart so easily, but I’d protect my kids however I could. Even if that meant sending her away. “I’ll finish camp. If you stay, they’ll just be more devastated when you leave.”

“So, you don’t even want to try? You want me to pack up and slink away in the middle of the night? What about us?” There was hurt behind her anger, but I wouldn’t let myself feel it.

“You’ve made your decision, and I’ve made mine.” With my heart tied in knots, I got up from the couch and walked toward the door.

“You’re impossible, Jace. We can figure this out.” She reached for me, but I twisted away.

“Goodbye, Delaney.” I pulled open the door and waited for her to go.

She stood in the doorway, her chest heaving and tears streaking down her cheeks. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t want to fall in love with you.”

I didn’t say a word, but my body betrayed me. My jaw clenched tight enough to crack a molar and my hands curled into fists. I wanted to stop her, to beg her not to go, to tell her I was scared of getting hurt again. Instead, I just stood there like a fucking coward.

“But I did.”

And then she was gone.

Days passed. The kids moped around the house and battered me with questions about why Delaney left. I didn’t know what to tell them except she’d found another job and had to start right away. Admitting I was the one who told her to go would give them way too much ammunition to use against me and I wasn’t sure I’d survive.

I went through the motions at work, trying to balance running the day camp with all my other responsibilities. We got back to the house late every evening, then got up the next day and did it all over again.

Not even poker night had the power to pull me out of my funk. I told the guys I couldn’t make it. First, I said Wren wasn’t feeling well and the next week I told them I had an emergency at the park. They didn’t believe me, but they didn’t call me on it. At least not yet.

It was Mama Mae who finally got through to me. After I let her call go to voicemail for the third day in a row, she called the park office and Janice put her through without telling me who was on the other line.

I was sitting at my desk, trying to wolf down my lunch while the kids and I cut butterflies out of felt for one of Ranger Rhonda’s planned activities. Wren had been complaining all morning that she hated camp now, or in her words, “it sucked.” Eli was on a hunger strike until I taught him how to tie a fly and took him fishing.

“District Park Ranger Ramsey here. How can I help you?”

“Jace.” Mama Mae didn’t have to say anything else. The tone of her voice told me she knew something was wrong and she wasn’t going to give up until I filled her in on exactly what was going on.

“Hi, Mama Mae.” I even smiled as I said her name, trying not to let my bad mood seep into my tone, but it was no good.

She clucked her tongue. “You haven’t returned my calls. What’s going on?”

“Are you calling about our upcoming trip?” I wasn’t looking forward to it, but at least I’d get to spend some time with her and a few of my foster brothers while the kids visited my ex’s parents in a few weeks. I still wasn’t excited about the trip, but Delaney made me realize I wasn’t going to lose my kids over it.

“I was, but I’ve got a sense something else is bothering you.”

I could picture her sitting in her rocking chair on the front porch. That’s where she always sat when it was time to have a talk with one of her boys. She said it was her thinking spot.

Knowing it wouldn’t do any good to try to pull one over on her, I held the phone away from my mouth. “Wren and Eli… why don’t you head outside to finish your lunch? I’ll be out in just a few minutes when I’m done with my call.”

Eli left his lunch sitting on the table untouched, but Wren shoved hers back in her lunchbox and the two of them left the room.

“I can’t wait to kiss my grandbabies,” Mama Mae said. “I know they’ll be spending most of their time with Michelle’s mom and dad when you come visit but promise me I’ll get my hugs.”

“You know you will.” They were just as excited to see her as she was to see them. Didn’t matter that I was her foster son and we weren’t actually related by blood. She treated my kids like they were her own grandchildren because that’s how she viewed them.

“Good. Now that we’ve settled that, tell me why you haven’t returned my calls.”

“I’ve been busy.” It was the truth, just not all of it.

“And?” she prompted.

“And what?”

She sighed. “You can tell me, or I’ll call up one of your card playing friends. I’m sure Janice knows how to get ahold of those boys.”

“Fine. I met someone.”

“Sugar, you don’t sound like a man who’s flying high on the wings of love. What happened?”

I tilted my head back, wishing I hadn’t picked up the phone. I wasn’t ready to talk about Delaney to anyone, but especially not to the woman who raised me and could read me like a fucking book. “It didn’t work out.”

“And why’s that?” I could hear the rocking chair creak in the background. How many times had I sat on that front porch with her while waited for me to ‘fess up to what was bothering me? Too many times to count.

“Because I caught feelings. She was great with the kids. Got Wren to open up to her and even got her to open up to me a little bit more. She even impressed Eli. But then she got a job offer in New York. A good offer. I told her to take it. I didn’t want to be the one to hold her back or make her give up her dreams. You saw how well that worked out the last time I tried that tactic.”

Mama Mae let out a loud sigh. “Now, Jace. What’s this woman’s name?”

“Delaney.” Saying it out loud hollowed me out inside. Left just a shell where I could have sworn I’d had a beating heart a few days before.

“That’s a beautiful name. I bet she’s a beautiful woman.”

Damn, Mama Mae was twisting the knife I felt like I had lodged in my side. “She is.”

“Well, so was Michelle, but the two of them aren’t one and the same. We both know you and Michelle had no business getting married. The only thing you had in common was you both liked to push the rules and that got you in a whole lot of trouble.”

I couldn’t argue with that.

“You got scared, son. I raised you to be strong and to fight for what matters. Delaney matters. Don’t let your past keep you from going after the future you and those kids deserve.”

I rubbed my hand over my chest. It hadn’t stopped aching since the moment Delaney walked out the door. “What if it’s too late?”

“It’s never too late for true love, and you’ve got nothing to lose. Go after her. Give her a reason to stay.”

We hung up shortly after, but Mama Mae’s words kept ringing in my head. She was right. What I had with Delaney might be new, but it was worth fighting for.

I pushed back from the desk and grabbed my keys, hoping I wasn’t too late.