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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Elle

Thank god Candy is my best friend. I don’t know what the fuck I’d do without her.

I wake up to an empty bed, and for a moment, I just lie there, staring at the ceiling. I’ve no idea what time it is, but it feels early. Like, middle of the night early. Or late, I guess, depending on how you look at it.

I don’t think I’ve been asleep that long, but who knows.

The softness of the sheets, the faint scent of Seb still lingering in the air – it all feels like a dream. But the absence of him beside me is the harshest reality. I sit up, wrapping the blanket around myself, feeling the weight of his departure press down on my chest. I should have known he’d leave. He always does.

I can still feel the heat of his touch, but now that it’s over, it feels like I’m left with nothing but the echo of his absence, the warmth of it fading into the cold reality of his departure.

God, what is wrong with me?

I reach for my phone, mindlessly scrolling through it as if it can distract me from the gnawing feeling of embarrassment and shame. I can’t help but feel like an idiot. He probably left, not wanting to wake me, but he also doesn’t need to stick around.

The sound of a soft knock at the door jerks me from my thoughts. Before I can even get up, the door creaks open, and Candy steps in. She’s smiling, her eyes bright with mischief as she walks over to the bed, her tone teasing, and slips into the sweat-soaked sheets beside me without a single word of complaint.

“Well, well. Looks like someone had a good night,” she says, grinning.

I bury my face in my hands, wanting to hide from her, from myself. “Don’t,” I mutter. “He’s gone. And I’m—” I don’t know what I’m feeling. Embarrassed? Hurt? Disappointed? “Still a virgin.”

“Hey, hey,” Candy says gently, sitting beside me on the bed. “It’s okay. The plan worked. He’s feral for you, Elle. I saw it in his eyes. He wants you. All of you.”

I glance at her, shaking my head. “No. It was just...sex. Ish. It was just a punishment. Nothing more.”

Candy raises an eyebrow. “You don’t believe that for a second. Come on. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel it. He’s crazy about you. I could see it in the way he touched you. He’s not left because it was just sex.”

I pull the blanket tighter around myself and shiver. I want to believe it could be more. That it’s not just about a deal or the inevitable marriage. But I don’t know how to let myself go there. Not with him, not after all the walls I’ve built.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not fooling myself into thinking it’s anything more. We’ll wed and then he’ll go back to his life, and I’ll go back to mine. This isn’t some love story, Candy. I’m not you.”

She doesn’t argue, just sighs and gives me a look that says she’s not convinced, but she’s not going to push it. She pats my leg lightly before standing up. “You’ve got this. Don’t let him get inside your head. Don’t get inside your own head, Elle. You’re stronger than that. Now get up. You’ve got a date to get ready for.”

A date. Of course she knows, I bet the filthy bitch was watching on the security cameras the entire time.

I nod slowly, pulling the blanket off and stepping out of bed, letting the cold air hit my skin.

Candy gives me one last, reassuring look before slipping out. “Just remember, you’re not in this alone, Elle,” she says, her voice softer than usual. But I’m already too lost in my own thoughts to respond.

I’ve got to stop obsessing over Seb. He’s not the one who matters right now. I have a life to live. A life I’m starting to like more and more – especially if it means I can have more experiences like the one here last night at the club. Getting married to him doesn’t have to change that.

I glance at the clock. I still have time before I need to meet him, so I take a slow breath and start moving.

I won’t let him change me.

I head into the adjoining bathroom, turning the shower on and letting the water heat, while I tuck my hair into a complimentary shower cap.

Stepping into the spray, the warm water rushes over me. I close my eyes and let the sound of it drown out everything else. The confusion, the hurt, the questions swirling around in my mind. The only thing that matters right now is what comes next. Sure, Seb left, but we still have plans, so that’s something at least.

I don’t want some extravagant, fancy date. I don’t want a show or a performance. I just want something real – something that feels...normal. No pretences. Just a day together, no strings attached.

When I’m done, Candy has gone, but she’s left my overnight bag on the bed, which has already been stripped clean. We had hoped I might end up staying the night, but I didn’t expect it to be like this. I pick out a simple outfit – a fitted white sweater that shows off just enough of my collarbones, a pair of skinny jeans, and boots that I know Seb will like. It’s not fancy, but it’s me, and I did pack several options. It’s also how I want to feel today: comfortable, in control, and not trying to impress anyone.

I do my makeup in soft, natural tones, just enough to highlight my features without overdoing it. I leave my hair down, letting it fall in loose waves around my shoulders. It’s nothing special, but it’s me . The me I never let anyone see, because god forbid there was a hair out of place once I stepped outside.

When I finish getting ready, I take a long look at myself in the mirror. Who is this person looking back at me? I barely recognise her anymore. But at least she’s not pretending to be something she’s not.

I grab my coat, phone and check the time – just enough to make it home to drop off my bag without being late. As I walk out the door, I take one last look at the room, taking a steadying breath. It’s a beautiful space. One I didn’t get time to appreciate fully last night. But one I hope I can revisit.

Because this isn’t just about Seb. It’s about me, too. And now I’ve had a taste of ‘For Me’, I want more.

I head out, my nerves tightening as I think about the day ahead. Seb’s going to be there. But I’m going to keep my head straight. No expectations. No fairy tale. Just a simple day – one that’ll help me remember who I am, without getting caught up in whatever he wants me to be.

The cool air hits my face as I step outside, and I pull on my coat. My fingers gripping the collar as I pull it tighter around me. It feels grounding, like a reminder that the world is still turning, that everything is still moving forward, even if my mind is stuck in this fog of uncertainty.

Candy must have ordered a car for me while I was getting ready, as it’s waiting just outside. I make my way home and take a steadying breath before the buzzer goes. I tell myself over and over, this is just another day. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a date.

But then, I remember how he makes me feel. How he’s always on my mind, even when I try to push him away.

I shake the thought off. No . Today is about me.

I get to my apartment, drop my bag off, but there’s no sign of Sebastian as I step back out of my flat into the chilly morning air.

Around me, the city still feels asleep, but the anticipation in my chest keeps me awake, buzzing with uncertainty. I keep telling myself that it’s just a date. Just a simple plan. It’s nothing more than that, even though my heart keeps arguing with me, reminding me how everything between Seb and me feels anything but simple.

The street is quiet, the hum of traffic a distant murmur, as I head toward the corner. I don’t have to wait long before I see him – leaning against the brick wall of the building across from me. He’s hard to miss, even in the early morning light, wearing his usual black leather Asheret, his broad frame outlined against the dim glow of the street lamps.

He’s watching me, his eyes flicking up from the ground as I draw closer. When our gazes lock, it’s like a magnet pulling me toward him. I feel that familiar pull in my chest, the one I can never seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.

“Elle,” Seb greets me, his voice rougher than usual. There’s something in the way he looks at me – like he’s wrestling with himself, unsure of what to say or do. My chest tightens, but I swallow it down. I’m not ready to deal with his uncertainty yet.

I don’t know why, but I feel my cheeks flush, despite my best efforts to keep myself composed. “Hey,” I mutter, trying to act nonchalant, though my heart’s already racing.

He smiles, that rare smile that reaches his eyes and makes my stomach flip. “You look…stunning.”

I force myself to hold it together. “Thanks,” I say, keeping my voice steady, though my hands feel like they might shake. My outfit is as low maintenance as I come, so I really hope he hasn’t planned anything fancy today.

“Ready for the adventure?” Seb asks, stepping forward, his gaze never leaving me, as he reaches out to touch my arm gently. The contact is light, almost casual, but I feel the warmth of it all the way to my core.

“Sure,” I say, trying to sound confident, but the flutter in my stomach betrays me. “What’s the plan?”

He doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he takes a step back, his hand still lightly resting on my arm. “Follow me,” he says. “Trust me, you’re going to love this.”

I follow him through the quiet streets, the city starting to wake up around us. We walk in silence, my thoughts swirling around like a whirlwind, my steps matching his, as if we’re in sync. The fact that Sebastian Sterling-Knight is capable of walking anywhere practically floors me, but I don’t say a word.

We reach a small park by the river, the sky above still dark with the promise of the impending sunrise. Seb leads me down a hidden path to a little clearing, tucked away from the busy streets. It’s peaceful here, almost like we’re in a different world.

He steps over to a bench and collects supplies I didn’t immediately notice, and a moment later he’s spreading a thick blanket on the ground. I watch, intrigued, as he brings over a basket and flops down onto the makeshift picnic rug.

“Breakfast?” he asks, his tone playful as he opens the basket and reveals an assortment of pastries, fruit, and steaming hot coffee in a thermos.

“I didn’t expect a picnic,” I say, sitting down on the blanket, still trying to mask the fact that my heart’s pounding.

Seb smirks, sitting down beside me. “Well, you didn’t expect a lot of things, did you?”

I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me, the sound foreign on my lips, but I quickly push it down. “I guess not.”

We settle in, the warm blankets wrapping us up as the first hints of sunlight begin to creep over the horizon, casting a soft glow over the park. It’s beautiful here, peaceful in a way that I haven’t experienced before. It’s just us, no expectations, no judgments.

I take a bite of a croissant, savouring the flaky layers, trying to ignore the way his gaze lingers on me as I lick the crumbs from my lips. It’s like he’s always watching, like he’s always studying me, and I can’t tell if I hate it or love it.

“Tell me something,” Seb says after a while, his voice low and almost vulnerable in the quiet of the morning. “What do you really want, Elle?”

I freeze for a moment, my mind racing. I wasn’t expecting that question, not in this moment, not when everything’s so calm. I set the pastry down, my fingers suddenly trembling.

“I don’t know,” I say, my voice soft. “I think I want something real. Something that’s not just…whatever this is.” I wave a hand between us, my nerves creeping back in. But even as I try to push away my doubts, there’s still something pulling me toward him. And I can’t deny it. “I don’t want to keep pretending that I don’t care. Last night was everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Seb’s gaze sharpens, and I can feel the weight of his attention on me. “Then stop pretending,” he says simply.

I look away, out at the river. The sky is brightening, the gentle buzz of the city awakening in the background is rising slowly, and for a moment, it’s just us – no pressures, no games.

“Seb,” I whisper, my voice catching.

His hand moves to rest gently on mine, the warmth of it grounding me. “I lied,” he says, his voice thick with something unspoken. “I thought I could walk away from you, but I can’t. I can’t…” He swallows loudly. “I can’t watch you at the club, Elle. I can’t see you with other men. Even last night, with Vixen, I nearly lost my shit. I can only imagine how much worse it will be once we’re married. I…I don’t think I can have you once and walk away.”

I feel the air shift around us, the weight of his words sinking in. For a moment, I want to say something, to tell him that I feel the same way, that I don’t want to walk away after just one time either. But the words get stuck in my throat, tangled with fear, with uncertainty.

We sit in silence for a long moment, watching the sunrise, wrapped in blankets, the world waking up around us. I don’t know what comes next, don’t know what he wants from me, what I want from him.

I don’t know what to say, and by the time I’ve gathered my thoughts enough to reply, I feel like the moment has passed.

The sun continues to rise slowly, painting the sky with soft hues of pink and gold as the world around us begins to wake up. We sit in the silence of the moment, the blankets wrapped around us, the steady rhythm of the river beside us. It’s peaceful, but there’s something in the air, something that feels like the calm before a storm. I can’t ignore the tension between us, the unspoken weight of everything we’ve been skirting around.

“Seb,” I say softly, breaking the quiet. “Tell me more about your family. You mentioned your father before, but you didn’t really go into it.”

He shifts beside me, the faintest sigh escaping his lips as he runs a hand through his hair, his gaze fixed on the horizon. “My family...my father is a constant weight,” he begins, his voice low, the words heavy as if they carry years of frustration. “He’s...relentless. I could never live up to his expectations. It’s like he needs me to be someone I’m not, someone I’ve never wanted to be.”

I can feel the edge in his voice, and I sit up a little straighter, turning toward him more fully. “That sounds...tough.”

“It is,” he admits, his jaw tightening. “He doesn’t care about what I want. He cares about what I should want. He wants me to be a clone of him – cold, ruthless, calculating.” Seb lets out a sharp breath. “I don’t know if I can keep doing it. I don’t know if I even want to. But when you’ve spent your whole life trying to meet someone’s impossible standards...it’s hard to see another way.”

His words hang in the air between us, raw and unfiltered. The Seb I’ve known – the man who always had a calculated response, a guarded smile, a sharp remark – has cracked open in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I nod slowly, my own thoughts drifting back to my family. It’s not the same, not at all, but I know what it’s like to feel like you’re being molded into something you don’t want to be.

“I get it,” I say quietly. “My mom…she was always so disappointed in me. I mean, nothing was ever good enough. If I ever didn’t follow the rules, if I ever didn’t take the right path, she let me know it. Every day. You know, the whole...‘when will you grow up, Elle?’ thing.” I laugh, though it’s more of a bitter sound than anything else. “She was always pushing me, telling me what I should do. What I should want. And when I didn’t do any of it, when I made my own choices – well, it just didn’t fit her idea of who I was supposed to be. It was always clear that Aiden was the golden child. The one who never disappointed. And it made everything I did feel...less. Like I was always fighting for scraps of approval, even though I never asked for it.”

Seb turns to me then, his eyes softer, his expression a mix of understanding and something else. “Sounds like she never saw you for who you really are. Just...the version she wanted.”

“Exactly.” My voice cracks a little, and I quickly clear my throat, trying to steady myself. “And you know she was never like that with Aiden. I hate that she, well, both our parents really, held us both to different standards. But that’s not even the worst of it. When I finally started making my own choices, it was like she couldn’t handle it. She wanted to hold onto this version of me, the one that fit into her world. She thought I was a disappointment. Sometimes, I still feel like I am.”

“You’re not a disappointment,” Seb says, his voice steady, but with an intensity that surprises me. He shifts closer, his hand reaching out to rest on my arm, the touch warm and grounding. “Not to me. You’re not. You never could be. They’re the disappointment, Elle, for holding you to different ideals than your brother. For their bullshit expectations and total inability to see your worth.”

I blink, taken aback by the sincerity in his words. I never expected him to say that, especially not in this moment. “I don’t know if I can believe that,” I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper.

“You don’t have to believe me. But I mean it,” he replies, his voice soft, yet certain. “I get it now. About pushing people away. About trying to meet expectations that aren’t yours to carry. But you don’t have to do that with me. Not anymore.”

My chest tightens at his words, and I look away, staring out at the river. The morning air is cool, but it feels warm here – between us. Like we’re both slowly shedding the layers we’ve built around ourselves.

“Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if things had been different?” I ask, my voice quiet as I turn back to him. “If we’d grown up with families who actually saw us, who actually understood us, instead of just making us fit their image?”

Seb looks at me, his eyes darkening with something I can’t quite place. “I don’t know,” he says slowly. “Sometimes, I think I would’ve been different. Maybe I wouldn’t be so damn guarded, so afraid to show what I really feel.” His gaze drifts off to the side, but I can tell he’s lost in the thought, a rare vulnerability in his expression.

I nod, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders. “I think we’re both still trying to figure out who we really are. Without the masks. Without the walls.”

He looks at me then, his gaze searching mine, like he’s trying to read something deeper. After a long pause, he speaks again, quieter this time. “Maybe we could figure that out together.”

For a moment, the world feels like it’s holding its breath, and I hold mine too, not sure what to say next. His words hang in the air between us, fragile, but they mean something.

“I’ve never really had someone to rely on,” I say softly, the truth slipping out before I can stop it. “Not in the way you’re talking about. But I want to. I want to know what it’s like to trust someone. To have someone trust me, too.”

Seb’s hand moves, and before I can stop him, he’s cupping my face, his thumb brushing against my cheek, the touch so gentle it makes my breath hitch. “You can trust me,” he says, his voice thick with meaning. “I’ve got you, Elle.”

And for the first time, I believe it.

After a long stretch of silence, we both rise to our feet, the blankets falling away as Seb extends his hand to me, his fingers brushing mine. “Come on,” he says with that same gentle but insistent tone. “Let’s go for a walk. I know a place.”

I glance at him, curious, but there’s something in his eyes – a spark of something mischievous, maybe even excitement – that makes me want to follow. So I take his hand, letting him guide me away from our little riverbank retreat. We walk side by side, the early morning chill crisp against my skin, but Seb’s presence is like a steady warmth beside me.

After a few blocks of walking through the almost-quiet streets of London, Seb leads me to a large, ornate building with huge glass windows, the kind that usually looks closed off. I’m about to ask where we’re going, when he pulls open a door, revealing an ice skating rink, completely empty except for a few workers setting up for the day. A smile spreads across his face as he looks down at me.

“I thought we could try this. You game?”

I stare up at him, my mouth slightly open. “You’re taking me ice skating?” I can’t help the surprise in my voice. Seb’s always been so polished, so precise – it’s hard to picture him in something as carefree as this.

He shrugs, looking way too smug. “I like to mix things up now and then.”

“You’re crazy,” I say with a laugh, but I find myself already stepping into the rink, the cold air and smooth surface making everything feel like it’s suspended in time.

Seb’s already pulling on his skates, gliding across the ice with practiced ease. I stand off to the side, unsure of how I’m supposed to move without falling flat on my face. I haven’t skated in years, and the thought of looking ridiculous makes my cheeks flush.

“You’re not getting away without skating,” Seb calls over his shoulder with a teasing grin. “Come on, Elle. You can do this.”

I stand still for a moment, watching him skate circles around the rink, his movements fluid, confident. He’s got this grace about him, like he was born for this, while I feel like a baby giraffe trying to figure out how to stand.

With a deep breath, I take a step forward, then another, trying to get my balance. At first, my legs feel wobbly and uncoordinated, but as I start to get the hang of it, I feel a small sense of victory. I push myself forward a little faster, surprised at how good it feels to glide, the movement ruffling my hair, my body coming alive with satisfaction.

“Hey, not bad,” Seb calls, skating up beside me. His grin is wide, and I can see the enjoyment on his face, the little glint in his eyes that says he’s proud of me, even as he shows off skating literal circles around me.

I give him a playful shove, trying to act casual. “Don’t get cocky,” I tease. “I’m still figuring this out.”

But as soon as I say it, my feet slip out from under me, sending me careening toward the ice. I brace myself for the fall, my arms flailing in the air – but before I can hit the ground, I feel Seb’s arms wrap around me, pulling me upright.

I blink up at him, my heart pounding. “Thanks,” I manage, feeling my pulse race at how close we are. He’s looking at me with something softer than usual in his eyes, and I can’t quite place it.

“No problem,” he says, his voice a little lower than normal. He holds me steady for a moment longer than necessary before stepping back with a grin. “See? You just need a little trust.”

Seb hesitates for a moment, his eyes searching mine, as if he’s deciding whether this is the right time. But then his gaze softens, his breath shallow. For a moment, it’s just us, the world falling away as we stand there, close enough that I can feel the heat of his body even in the chill of the rink. And before I can process it, his lips are on mine – quick, but filled with all the things we’ve left unspoken.

It’s a quick kiss, more of a brush than anything, but it’s enough to make my head spin. Enough to make me realise that maybe, just maybe, this thing between us could be more than I thought.

When we finally pull away, I can’t stop the smile that tugs at my lips. Seb just looks at me, a little breathless, his eyes dark and full of something unspoken.