Page 31 of Beyond the Cage

“Chels, you can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Giving up your life for me. I’m fine.”

“I’m not giving up anything, and you are most definitelynotfine.”

“I am,” I insist. “You should be out partying instead of being stuck here with me.”

“There’s no partying without you.”

“There must be something you want to do. I’ll die of guilt if you keep this up.”

“Well…my parentsdidask me to come home for a while…”

“Good…go. Please.”

She sighs in resignation. “Fine, but only for a few days. When I get back, we can both celebrate the end of finals.”

“Deal.”

Now I can wallow in self-pity all by myself – the way it should be. I’ll put Destiny’s Child’s “Where’d You Go” on repeat and mope in solitude. While Chels is on the phone with her mom, I nibble on popcorn, not really tasting it. I watch the figures – blurs, really – moving on the screen, hearing nothing. What is this feeling? I’m not sad or angry. It’s like I’m on autopilot, just going through the motions. I feel like a character fromThe Walking Dead…you know, one of the walkers. I’m just a mindless zombie, walking and eating. I’ve never felt this way before, not even when I broke up with Jamal. But that’s it, isn’t it? There was no ‘end’, no closure. The car broke down in the middle of the road, and he just walked off and left me with no idea of where he’s going or if he’s even coming back. Now, I’m stranded with a broken-down car and no clue what to do.

This is ridiculous. I need to forget the name Cameron Jackson.

“Okay,” Chels announces as she bounds into the room. “It’s settled. I’m leaving tomorrow. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Positive. Stop worrying, Mom.”

She rolls her eyes, snuggling up next to me while I pretend to watch the movie.

***

After Chelsea leaves, I drive to the mall. Maybe I just need a little retail therapy. Two hours, three tops, a pair of jeans, and several bras and panties later, I walk out feeling no better than I did when I went in. Today is a rare, completely free day for me, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Before going home, I make a stop at Bath and Body Works to pick up some scented candles. A long, relaxing bubble bath is in order.

When I walk in, the smell hits me as it always does, the different aromas and flavors mingling to create a unique scent. I move around slowly, trying different products, picking up a few that claim to promote sleep.We’ll see. I decide on Caribbean Escape candles and throw in a Vanilla Tini lotion for good measure. This is totally going to be a ‘me’ day. Just one more stop – the supermarket. I promised everyone at Little Sisters I would bring them my famous—yes, famous—double chocolate chip cookies. Rolling my eyes, I acknowledge that baking will keep me busy for only about an hour.

It’s after 3 p.m. when I arrive home. I change, put some music on, and start on the cookies. As I’m placing them in the oven, I receive a text from Chels.

Chelsea: Got in ok…How u doin’? Miss u…

Aww…

Jasmine: Great! I’m good, don’t worry about me. Miss u, too, sweetie…especially with all these double chocolate chip cookies ;).

Chels loves my cookies, so I know that’ll divert her attention.

Chelsea: No u didn’t! I hate u so much right now.

Worked like a charm.

Jasmine: Lol! I’ll make more when u get back…especially for u :).

Chelsea: U better! Talk to u later.

Jasmine: K Babe.

I drop the phone on the couch next to me and wonder what to do next.Hmm…maybe some cleaning?