Page 42 of Between Passion and Revenge, Part One (The Griot Chronicles #1)

It’s about this thing forming between us that I don’t understand, that seems too big to contain.

Call it love, call it obsession, but whatever it is, it’s undeniable.

At some point, she and I will have to face it.

True to my word, I gave Shae space to process her thoughts and decide what the hell she wants out of life, out of her future, out of our relationship. I’d all but confessed my biggest sin, the one I’d commit over and over if it means she’s okay.

There’s a loud, irrepressible part of myself that knows on a soul level it’s my job to protect Shae.

That I’ll raze anyone to the ground to keep her safe.

I told her the last time we spoke that when I’m around her, my thoughts go haywire, and all I can focus on is her.

The space is a good thing for me, too.

But now it’s time to talk, because if there’s one thing I can conclude from the discussion with my mom, it’s that I can’t stay in the middle of a riptide forever. I either have to find my way out of the chaos…or let myself be dragged under completely.

Whichever way Shae Rivers and I are meant to flow, it’ll be determined here.

Tonight.

I just have to get the balls to stop staring at her door and take action.

“Get it together, Sandoval,” I mutter in the empty hallway.

Wow, I’ve turned into a caveman and I’m losing my mind.

I try to control my breathing and my nerves when I knock. It takes her at least two minutes to open the door.

A vice tightens around my chest when I finally see her.

“Hey,” I say, annoyed I can’t think of a better opening.

Shifting her weight to her right hip, she crosses one leg over the other, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from pouncing on her. She’s in jersey-knit shorts and a worn T-shirt, and her smooth, velvety legs are on full display.

“Hey,” she replies, breaking my attention to her body. “I wasn’t expecting you.” Her voice is cautious, but her face is unreadable.

I wasn’t expecting you either, Sweetness.

I nod, thinking through all the things I can say next, but then she interrupts my freak-out when she says, “Actually, could you come in? I…we need to talk.”

Even though talking is the reason why I’ve come here, the words are like a gong in my skull, a death knell for my rational brain.

“Of course,” I say, and I enter her apartment when she moves to the side.

“Would you like some water?” Shae asks, moving into the kitchen.

I follow her with my gaze, and swallow hard when she opens the fridge and bends over to grab a bottle from the vegetable drawer.

I don’t respond right away, so she looks over her shoulder at me.

Something in my expression causes her to snap to a stand.

“No,” I say. “Thank you.”

She shuts the refrigerator door.

We stare at each other in tense silence, and I wait for her to break it. Because just by showing up here, I’ve already broken my promise.

I’m supposed to be giving her time and space. I’m supposed to be waiting for her.

Yet everything within me has me wanting to rush toward her, full speed ahead.

She uncaps her water bottle and takes a long drink before placing it on the kitchen island.

“Storm, I’ve been thinking,” Shae begins. “And I don’t think we should explore this any further.”

I let the words hang in the air and work hard to keep any reaction off my face.

When I don’t respond to her statement, she says, “I just…this all sounds like a lot and I’m leaving for Massachusetts in a few months.”

“Are you moving to Massachusetts?” I ask, my voice low.

Her shoulders tense.

“Yes, I need to stay focused on my goals and stick to the plan. And this—whatever this is—it doesn’t fit.”

“Doesn’t fit,” I echo, taking a measured step closer. “You mean I don’t fit.”

Her eyes flash, and I see a spark of frustration. “That’s not what I said.”

“It’s what you meant.”

Her lips press into a thin line, and I watch as she wrestles with herself, her emotions flickering across her face.

Then, she releases a surprised chuckle.

“I never paid too much attention to the parables Daddy taught, but damn if I don’t feel like Eve right now.”

“In awe of creation?” I break in.

“No,” she replies. “Facing the biggest temptation that will damn the entire world if I fall.”

My eyebrows shut down.

“I guess the question is: Am I the apple or the snake?” I grind out, and Shae shakes her head.

“It doesn’t matter, Storm. Listen, I’d love to be with you, and these few weeks that we’ve been together…they’ve been unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Good and bad.” She rasps the last part.

“But I have to live in the real world, and that requires me to be practical. At this stage in my life, I need to focus on security, on building the foundation on which the rest of my life sits. And even though I lo—care for you, you are the opposite of secure.”

I move next to her, crowding her.

“Are you saying you don’t feel safe with me?” I ask.

She shakes her head hard, an emphatic no.

“That’s not what I’m saying. Not at all.”

“So it’s really all about Harvard. Your nice little future that’ll fit in a nice little box. A gilded cage for Shae Rivers.”

“Stop,” she whispers, sliding her eyes closed. “This is hard enough. You don’t know what it’s like to?—”

“To what? To want something so badly it terrifies you?” I move so close my chest touches her side, and she doesn’t move away, though her fingers tighten on the counter. “Don’t tell me I don’t understand, Shae. I know exactly what that’s like.”

Her breath catches, and for a moment, I think she might let me in. But then she shakes her head, her resolve hardening. “This isn’t about you, Storm. This is about me. My independence. My future. I can’t afford to lose sight of that.”

“You mean the future that you get sick at the thought of?” I bite out.

She turns her head away, but she doesn’t move from her spot next to me.

“You think I want to take your future from you?” My voice rises, sharp with disbelief. “You think I want to ruin you? To end you? Shae, I want you to live the life you want.”

“I don’t know what I want!”

And there it is.

She folds her arms over her chest, further barring herself from me.

When she speaks again, the frustration in her voice cracks something open in me.

“You look at me like you see everything, know everything about me, but you’ve got me so twisted up that all I want is to be around you.

And that’s terrifying! I don’t need people the way I need you, and I hate it.

I hate it so much. And the fucked-up part is I’m bared to you, but I know I’m only scratching the surface behind your masks. ”

That one—that barb cuts deep.

“When are you going to do what you want?” I ask.

For a moment, the air between us electrifies, at risk of igniting if either of us moves. But then she steps back, shaking her head.

“The truth is, if there’s anyone on this planet who knows me, the real me, it’s you, Shae.”

“How are you possibly being honest? You can’t fully mean the things you say.”

Wanna bet?

“We already promised not to lie to each other, Sweetness. So answer me: Do you think I’m lying about how I feel?”

Taking her arms in my palms, she turns her tear-stained face toward me.

“I want you to look at me, look into my soul in that way only you are able to do, and tell me I don’t love you.”

The words ring in the air and her eyes widen. I hadn’t planned on making the declaration, but damn it, if this might be the last time I get to hold her, I want her to know everything.

“What do you want from me, Storm?” she whispers, her voice just as low as mine. I let that question drop into my mind, into my spirit.

What do I want from Shae?

I inhale deeply when the answer manifests.

Everything. I want everything she’s willing to give me. I’ll worship at her feet and beg for the scraps as long as she lets me stay by her side.

“I want you to be free, Shae. I want you to do what it is that you want because you want to, not because of some twisted sense of obligation.” I pull back from her, putting both hands on her cheeks to force her to look at me, to look into my soul.

“I want to be with you, not to subtract from your amazingness, not to steal from you, but to lift you up and help you achieve whatever the fuck it is you want to achieve.”

Tears well at her lower lids again, and I hate the sight. But this is necessary. We have to go here to move forward…or to move on.

“And yes, Shae. You know I want your body. I want you to have my name on your lips when you come over and over. I want to make you boneless from pleasure, to take you to a place where you can shut your brain off and feel because it’s safe to do so.

I want to be everything you need. I want you in every single way possible, Shae Olivya Rivers. ”

I’m mesmerized by the fractured lift of her chest as she begins to pant.

“But you’re going to have to be the one to say it, Shae. You’re going to have to be the one who says if we go or if we stop here. So no more stalling. What do you choose?”

She opens her mouth, snaps it shut, then opens it again.

“I…” she looks down at the floor and I lift her head, not allowing her to hide from me.

From this.

“What do you want, Shae?”

I let her breathe. I let her think. And just when I’m about to let it go—about to stop forcing her to face the reality of us , she says, “Fuck it,” and her lips are on mine.

The first touch of our mouths is electric—a current coursing through us and tying us together as the heat surges in the room. I feel her everywhere, and I want to feel her everywhere.

Mine.

I wrap my arms around her, grabbing her luscious ass and lifting her to me. I carry her out of the kitchen and to the hallway leading to her bedroom.

Once we’re over the threshold, I slam the door shut with my foot, never breaking our kiss.

“You have no idea what you do to me, Shae,” I say against her lips, and when she whimpers, it’s my undoing.

Sliding her down my body, I do the hardest thing in life and move a step back.

Away from her.

“What are you doing?” Her eyes are a bit unfocused, as if she’s drunk on this moment, just as I am.

“I’m looking at what’s mine, Sweetness. I’m committing this moment to memory.”

And then, I go to her bed and situate myself in the middle of it. To prevent myself from doing what I want to do, which is to haul her to my body, I ball my hands into fists.

This moment is critical for us, and what happens here will change everything.

Her mouth opens and she raises her hands to the hem of her shirt.

I keep my gaze on her, trying to make my face undemanding.

“You hold all the power here, so it’s what you want.”

With that gauntlet thrown, I count the heartbeats.

Three.

Two.

One.

Shae rips the shirt over her head, and I have the pleasure of seeing her delectable tits bounce for the first time. Naturally heavy breasts with dark areolas and nipples poke out at me. I gorge myself on her image, imprinting it in my mind.

She waits, and I remain still.

“Say the words, Shae. Own it,” I say on a breath.

Three.

Two.

“I want you, Storm Sandoval. So fucking much.”