Page 9

9

SUNNY

I can’t believe he jerked off to me!

I lay there, quietly in bed, watching as he did it. My eyelashes are really long so I can keep my eyes cracked just a little and you’d never know I was awake. But of course, it wasn’t my face my big brother was looking at. It was my breasts…and between my legs.

I let him look— I admit it. I kept thinking of the books I read, about how ex-cons come out of prison with these deep, sexual needs because they haven’t been with a woman in so long. I wanted to help him meet those needs—at least, indirectly. I mean, I wouldn’t have let him touch me or anything, though I admit I couldn’t help watching him back.

I’ve never seen a cock as big as his—none of the boys I dated in high school are anywhere near that huge. And as for my boyfriend, Charles , well…if you want to know the truth, he’s a little on the small side. Not that I was comparing him to Kane or anything. I’m just saying…

Anyway, I know he’s my brother, which makes me feel all kinds of guilty for letting him look at my body while he got himself off. But in another way, I feel like it’s the right thing to do—helping him when he’s so desperately starved for any kind of sexual release.

Besides, even though we’ve been corresponding for the past two years, he doesn’t feel like my brother. He feels like a handsome, muscular stranger who came into my life just when I was wishing for a little something to perk me up.

I’ll be honest, things have been rough lately. Parts of my house are broken and I don’t have the money to fix them. I suppose I could ask Charles for a loan—his Dad owns a car dealership over in Clariton , so he’s got plenty of money. But I don’t like doing that— Momma raised me to be independent and that’s how I like to stay.

Besides, things with Charles haven’t been great lately. He’s been pushing me to set a date for the wedding—apparently his mom is bugging him for some grandbabies. But I’m just not ready to settle down and start popping out babies.

And he hasn’t even asked me to marry him yet— I mean, not formally. I’m not saying “ I do” until he gets down on one knee and offers me a ring. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy like a four-carat diamond— I’m not greedy. But it has to be something he put some thought into and so far I haven’t seen any indication that he’s willing to do that.

I sigh and snuggle against Kane , pressing my back more firmly to his broad chest. When I first settled against him, he tried to move away from me—maybe thinking it wasn’t right for us to be so close. But he’s so big and warm, I just couldn’t help myself.

I don’t feel offended that he tried to scoot away—on the contrary, it makes me like him more. Despite his sexual starvation, he was trying to act like a gentleman— I appreciate that. It makes me feel safe with him. Though to be honest, I was already feeling safe. If I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have let him look at me or offered to share my bed with him in the first place.

Some people might think I’m crazy, trusting an ex-con, but those people haven’t read Kane’s letters. They’re so deep and thoughtful and personal. I could feel his heart in every line. Even though it was nothing but words on paper, it was enough to let me really know him…and I know that he’d never hurt me. But where do we go from here? Well , to be honest, I’m not sure.

I don’t want him to leave—that’s the one thing I’m sure of. I think I can get Cookie to offer him a job and of course he can stay with me. I want to help him get back on his feet and reacclimate to the outside world.

But for now, I just want to be close to him. He smells so good and I feel so warm with his big body surrounding mine.

I might not have known my big brother for long, but I already love him. Not like that , though, I hasten to tell myself. I love him in the right way—the family way. Nothing else.

Secure in that knowledge, I finally drift off to sleep in his arms.