Page 16 of Best Wrong Thing

“The gentleman at the hotel was lovely. He’s given me contact details for the photographer, the DJ, and a balloon man.”

“A balloon man?”

“You know, the kind who twists balloons into silly shapes.”

“Why do you need one of those?”

“It’ll be fun. You don’t mind if I make the calls now, do you?”

Would it matter if I did? “No. Go ahead.”

I sigh. I’m in for a long wait. Oh well, at least I can sit here, staring out the window, wondering why Mr Perfect turned into Mr See You Later.

Chapter 5

Jacob

I sit on a sun lounger while Mum attacks the deadheads of the rose bush Dad bought her for their wedding anniversary one year.

“Can you believe he married her?” The snip of the shears punctuates every word.

“It was a shock.”

“In Vegas!”

How did she find out? I hadn’t decided whether I should be the one to tell her. I’m too afraid to ask in case she turns on me with the shears.

“Well, I hope they’re happy together. They deserve each other. Did you know they’re having a wedding reception?”

“Yes.”

“In a fancy hotel, no less.”Snap. “Do you know what your dad and I did for our wedding reception?”

Yes, but she doesn’t give me a chance to answer.

“We went to the pub and sent your granddad to a chippy to pick up fish and chips for everyone. Your dad promised me that when we could afford it, we’d renew our vows and have the ‘slap-up do we couldn’t afford’.”

Amazing how menacing shears can be when used to make air quotes.

“Did it ever happen? No. And now he’s giving that floozy the wedding reception he promised me for years and years.”

“Mum, could you put those down, please?”

“Put what down?”

I point at the shears.

Mum gives me a withering stare, then returns to lopping every last rose head. They fall on the floor, scattering fragrant red petals everywhere.

“Forty years of marriage, and this is how it ends. With his secretary and the wedding of my dreams.”

“You wanted to get married in Vegas?”

She spins around, brandishing the shears. Thank god I’m several feet away.

“You know what I mean. And no, I can’t think of anything more tacky than getting married in Vegas.”

Some of the wedding chapels on the strip look pretty and anything but tacky. It could be romantic if you wanted to elope rather than deal with the hassle of a wedding at home. I keep my mouth shut.