Page 41 of Below Zero

The flight attendant offers me a glass of water from a tray. I shake my head, smile, and DM Shmac.

Marie: I think Steve doesn’t want to play with us anymore.

Shmac: I think Steve wasn’t held enough as a tadpole.

Marie: Lol!

Shmac: How’s life?

Marie: Good! Cool new project starting next week. My ticket away from my gross boss

Shmac: I hope so. Can’t believe dude’s still around.

Marie: The power of connections. And inertia. What about you?

Shmac: Work’s interesting.

Marie: Good interesting?

Shmac: Politicky interesting. So, no.

Marie: I’m afraid to ask. How’s the rest?

Shmac: Weird.

Marie: Did your cat poop in your shoe again?

Shmac: No, but I did find a tomato in my boot the other day.

Marie: Send pics next time! What’s going on?

Shmac: Nothing, really.

Marie: Oh, come on!

Shmac: How do you even know something’s going on?

Marie: Your lack of exclamation points!

Shmac: !!!!!!!11!!1!!!!!

Marie: Shmac.

Shmac: FYI, I’m sighing deeply.

Marie: I bet. Tell me!

Shmac: It’s a girl.

Marie: Ooooh! Tell me EVERYTHING!!!!!!!11!!1!!!!!

Shmac: There isn’t much to tell.

Marie: Did you just meet her?

Shmac: No. She’s someone I’ve known for a long time, and now she’s back.

Shmac: And she is married.