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“ M otherfucking asshole.” Bellamy bolted from the bed. “I’m going to kill him with my bare hands.” He heaved in a deep breath. It burned his lungs. He’d never liked Eric. That was a given. And it wasn’t just about Octavia, although that was a big part of it.

But Eric was an arrogant dick who thought his shit didn’t stink. And he was dangerous in the field. He thought only about himself.

Not his men.

And certainly not the K9s. Octavia thought he loved animals. That was a farce. He wanted that pilot program because it was something that Bellamy and her father believed in. It was a way to get in her good graces.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

“I’m guessing,” Octavia said. “I could be wrong. The man who attacked me spoke in Spanish. Wore a mask. I couldn’t make out his features and he hit me over the head first. I was seeing stars right off the bat.”

“Would you stop making excuses for that man.” Bellamy gripped the door handle, ripping it open. Without glancing over his shoulder, he stepped into the hallway and slammed the door shut. It rattled right along with his insides.

His heart pounded in his chest so hard it hurt. His blood roared through his veins, and he couldn’t see straight. He wanted to hit something. Anything.

The door squeaked open and Octavia stuck her head out. “Bellamy?—”

“I need a damn minute, O.” He paced up and down the corridor. The hot, thick air clung to his pores. Visions of Eric putting his hands on her filled his brain. He tried to stop his mind from going there. From watching Eric hit, cut, and do other unspeakable things to his precious Octavia.

But he couldn’t stop it. It was like a horror movie that played over and over again.

“Bellamy,” Octavia’s sweet voice cut through the fuzzy haze. She rested her hand on his shoulder. Her touch was warm and gentle. “Please. Come back inside the room.” She held his gaze and begged with her big blue eyes. “I promise you I’m not covering for him. I’m only trying to keep you from flying off and killing him. I will tell you what I know and what I believe. But you have to keep that temper of yours in check. Can you do that?”

“I honestly don’t know.” He palmed her cheek. The side with the scar. For whatever reason, he felt the need to cover it up. Or maybe to shield her—or him—from the pain it represented. He inhaled sharply, filling his lungs with her sweet coconut and strawberry scent, hoping it would soothe his aching soul. “Eric’s part of the reason me and the boys left the military. When I had to sit across from him during a review board about a K9 Pilot?—”

“Tate told me.” She pressed her finger across his lips. “Come on. Let’s finish this conversation inside the room.” She tugged at his arm, dragging him across the hallway.

He followed, wishing the room had come with a mini bar, because he could use a straight shot of tequila right about now.

“When Tate found me, I couldn’t even speak of what happened. I was terrified. All he could do was find a safe place for me to heal and that wasn’t going to be in the States. Not until he had a better idea about what happened because that first six months or so, he didn’t even trust you.” She leaned against the table and folded her arms. “I told him about Roxy and because that didn’t make sense, he had to wonder who the players were.”

Bellamy shouldn’t be pissed. He’d do the same thing in Tate’s shoes. “This is all old news and not what I want to know. What I need to know.” He let out a long breath. “Why didn’t you go after Eric if he’s the one who tried to kill you?”

“It’s not that simple and you know it.” She pointed toward the bed. “If you can sit and be quiet, I’ll continue.”

He knew better than to argue. So he sat, closed his mouth, and nodded.

“While I know it was Eric who attacked me, we can’t prove anything. Trust me, Tate and I have tried to place him in that village. In Colombia. Or even anywhere in South America. But we couldn’t. Not even his family private jet came here that week. It didn’t take off until shortly after the attack.”

Bellamy opened his mouth, but she waggled her finger.

“The first year after the attack, it was all about me healing. About getting my strength back. We didn’t even discuss what happened. I couldn’t. Every time Tate brought it up, I’d curl up in a ball and freak out.”

“O, I’m so sorry.” He swallowed the thick lump that had formed in his throat. He’d seen his fair share of death and destruction. With every failed mission came nightmares. He wasn’t the kind of man who was too proud to seek out a therapist.

But he didn’t discuss that with anyone other than the person he paid to listen to his troubles and occasionally Octavia .

However, there he sat, a selfish man, not comforting the woman who meant more to him than life.

He leaned in, brushing his lips over hers softly. “I wish I could have been there for you, and I promise you, I will make him pay for what he’s done.”

She nodded. “It took a while, but slowly, I began to open up. Tate didn’t know who to trust. He didn’t want to believe you or my dad could be involved, but everything was so suspicious. After the first year, he was able to weed you out of the mix. My dad’s been more complicated because of how closely he’s worked with Eric.”

“I’m aware and unfortunately, it doesn’t look good.” He held up his hand. “On paper. But I know your dad. He loves you and he wouldn’t go along with something like this. Not willingly. Whatever Eric has done, he’s flown it so far under the radar that I’m sure your dad didn’t see it coming.”

“My dad pulled Eric in under his wing when we were still in high school. He had big plans for Eric, but Eric frequently disappointed my father. I do know this because I’d often hear the strain in my dad’s voice. He never came out and said it, but sometimes I would hear hushed arguments between them after Eric made decisions I know my father didn’t agree with.”

That was news to Bellamy. “I’m going to need you to elaborate on that because I’ve always thought Claudius looked at Eric as if he could do no wrong.”

Octavia snorted. “What my dad saw was ambition. Unfortunately, he always thought he could tame Eric’s ego. And for a while, perhaps he did, especially when we first started dating.”

Heat filled Bellamy’s veins.

“Eric climbed the ladder quickly. He didn’t have too many stains on his active duty military career or working with my dad at National Clandestine Services. He was a real go-getter. That’s what my dad did like, but Eric could be really arrogant at times and he struggled to keep that in check. He pissed off a lot of people once he hit a certain level. He started taking control. Making decisions by himself where he should have sought counsel.”

“I always thought the strain between your dad and Eric was caused by your death.” Bellamy ran a hand over his mouth. “I didn’t realize it started before and I’ve had many conversations with Claudius. I’m a little annoyed he didn’t say anything to me.” He took her hands, rubbing his thumbs gently over her soft skin.

“He wouldn’t because you’d do what you always do and that’s get in Eric’s face.”

“I probably would have,” Bellamy agreed. “Eric is a greedy, self-absorbed asshole who craves power. He gets off on it. I mean, when he got to tell me and the boys we weren’t good enough for the K9 Pilot Program, he was giddy with joy.”

“That’s because he hates you.”

“Why? Outside of having a past relationship with you, I’ve never done anything to him.”

“He always felt like he was in competition with you. Both with me and my father.”

Bellamy laughed. “That’s ridiculous. While I got along with your dad, he always preferred Eric.”

“Not true. My dad often compared Eric to you in private. How humble you are. He’d constantly tell Eric that your reserved personality served you well and how Eric should check his ego at the door like you often do.” Octavia rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m tired and we’re talking in circles.”

He shifted, pulling back the covers. “We only have a few hours before we hit the road. Why don’t you get some sleep.”

“Bellamy?” She glanced up with wide eyes. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“I wasn’t planning on leaving.” He pulled her close to his chest, wrapped his arm around her body, and kissed her temple. Staring at the ceiling fan, he watched it swirl above his head. “Close your eyes and try to rest.”

“I’ve missed you.” She draped her leg over his thighs.

She still fit perfectly. It was like they’d never separated. “I swear, O, you were the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning and the last thing before I closed my eyes. Every single day for five years.” He tilted her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “It was hard when we broke up. Even harder when I learned you were with Eric and accepted his proposal. But at least I could see you. Knew you were doing okay. These last five years were pure hell.”

She hugged him tight. “I can’t imagine what that’s been like for you. For my dad. I at least got reports about your life from Tate.”

Bellamy chuckled. “I’m a glutton for punishment. What did Tate tell you?”

She reached inside his shirt, ran her hand across his chest, and fingered his scar. “He told me about the time you got shot and spent a week in the hospital.”

“That wasn’t fun.”

“He mentioned some redhead who came to visit all the time.” She tilted her chin. “Who was that?”

“No one who lasted very long.” A pang of guilt tickled his heart. “No one ever lasted.”

“And why was that?”

He gazed into her deep blue eyes. Ever since he’d met Octavia, he found himself getting lost in her stare. She could captivate him with a glance. It was easy to fall in love with her and if he was being honest with himself, he’d been in love with her since middle school. “I believe that one broke up with me because there wasn’t enough room in the bed for her and I refused to make Roxy sleep somewhere else.” He batted Octavia’s nose. “But I’ve developed a love for cats, so I’ve got a few of them now too. It does get a bit crowded and you were right about me. I make connections with animals better than I do people.”

“I said that to hurt you.” A tear dripped from the corner of her eye and rolled down her sweet cheek.

He collected it his thumb. “Why are you crying?”

“What’s going to happen to me?”

“For now, you’re going to stay with me on Big Island in Hawaii while me and my team figure out the breadcrumbs that Tate left behind.” He tucked her head back into the cradle of his shoulder and held her tight. For five years she’d been shielded from the place she’d called home. From her family and friends. It had to have been so lonely. While she’d been used to being on her own—and Octavia had been the kind of woman who could stand on her own two feet—it had to have been so isolating. He couldn’t imagine what it had been like to sit and wait for someone to bring information, wondering if someday he might not show.

“So, that means I get the bed with all the animals and you’re getting the sofa.”

He laughed. Leave it to her to know precisely the right moment to lighten the mood. “You might change your mind after one night.”

“I might ask you to join me,” she whispered.

Closing his eyes, he inhaled her fresh scent, ignoring both her statement and the thick humid air. He wouldn’t be able to deny her anything if he tried.

It had been a long time since Octavia had been in the arms of a man. Even longer to have felt safe in them.

But this was Bellamy.

Unlike Eric, he’d never betrayed her trust, even though for a brief moment in time she’d believed he had. He’d never lied. When he couldn’t tell her something because of his job, he was upfront about that, and she understood. She lived that life with her father.

Eric made it weird. It was as if he were on some strange ego trip. The more time she spent as Eric’s fiancée, the more she realized she was meant to be arm candy. A prop to take out to show the world just how important Eric was and that made her want to wash with a Brillo pad. One of the many reasons she’d taken an extended assignment with the Peace Corps .

She’d needed time to think. Time to realign her life with her goals.

And Eric didn’t fit into her world in any shape or form.

She had to accept that she’d dated him because he was the polar opposite of Bellamy.

Eric was loud. He was extravagant. He wore his career on his sleeve and demanded respect for how he served his country.

Bellamy was quiet. He lived his life in the shadow of everyone else. He and his team never liked to be in the spotlight. They didn’t want to take credit—at least publicly—for anything.

She breathed in sync with him, sucking in oxygen each time his chest rose. Her hand felt each beat of his heart. She used to dream about the day she’d see him again. But as Father Time ticked away, so did the realization that her past life was just that. As much as she had wanted to rise from the dead, Tate needed to bring down the gavel of justice.

And she desperately wanted to be part of that.

Even if that meant she’d never see those she loved again.

Snuggling in closer, she let her mind drift back to all the good memories she had of her time with Bellamy. And there were so many. More good times than bad.

Honestly, they had two big struggles .

Their passion for their careers and she could admit Bellamy was partially right about her desire to continue her work.

But his inability to see how desperate she was for stability had been what destroyed them.

“I can feel your mind spinning a mile a minute,” he whispered right before his lips landed on her forehead. It was a kind and tender kiss packed with all the caring one man could conjure. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“Nothing I care to share.”

“And why not?”

“You’ll think I’m crazy.” For three years, she did nothing but help out in whatever village she settled in. She did all the things she would have done as a Peace Corps volunteer. She educated women and children and not just in teaching English. She did what she could to help women in crisis. It had become her passion. Her purpose. She wanted women to know—to believe—they had choices, even when it seemed as though they didn’t.

Once she got over her fears, she helped Tate in his search for the missing boys and girls. It disturbed her that he’d collected so many names from other villages. One or two here and there every year. It wasn’t a lot, but right before he died, he told her he’d spoken to someone who was working on a bigger sex trafficking ring and wondered if this could be connected .

He never said Eric’s name, but he didn’t have to.

Eric had to be somehow connected to it. If he wasn’t orchestrating it, he was at least turning a blind eye, and that was just as bad in her book.

Bellamy rolled to his side, palming her face. “You’re a lot of things, but nuts isn’t one of them.”

“I’ve spent five years either hiding because I was afraid someone was going to come and finish what they started. Or searching for answers so I could finish them.” She stared into Bellamy’s warm light-blue eyes. They were soft and sensitive—most of the time. Right now, they were pools of bathwater, giving her comfort and reminding her of home. “I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be held, to be cared for, and it’s making me want to do things I haven’t done in a very long time.”

In the light of the moon shining through the grimy window, she could see him arch a brow while his lips curved into a seductive smile. “How long?”

“Five years.”

His smile disappeared and was replaced with a contemplative look and narrowed eyes. He took a sharp intake of breath through his nose as he traced her scar. “I’m trying really hard not to focus on what happened to you, but it’s impossible.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe not. But I still failed you when your father sent me and my team in to rescue you.” He kissed her tenderly. “You suffered because something was wrong with Roxy. With all the dogs during that search and rescue. It’s one of the reasons we weren’t accepted into the military K9 Pilot Program.”

“Tate came to believe something hinky went down with that rescue.” She cupped his face. “But I don’t want to talk about that now.” Rolling on top of him, she tore off her shirt. Needing to feel his skin against hers, she fumbled with the fabric of his, yanking it toward his head.

He tossed it across the room and reached for his cell.

“What are you doing?” Desperation laced each syllable.

“Checking to make sure no one has been trying to reach me.” He tapped his fingers on the screen. “We have to meet the team downstairs in less than two hours and we have to be prepared for anything. Tate was concerned you were compromised. Maybe it had to do with Lemin. He does travel to this area sometimes. While no one but my organization knows we’re here, we have to run with the idea it could have been leaked.”

“That’s such a buzzkill.”

“I shouldn’t even be entertaining the thought.” He set his cell on the nightstand and cupped the back of her neck, drawing her closer. His lips were less than an inch from hers and his gaze tore through her system like a runaway freight train. “ But I’ve never been able to say no to you. Not even when you showed up at my apartment and you were with him .”

She groaned. “Why did you have to bring that up?”

His fingers danced up her spine and unhooked her bra, letting the straps fall over her shoulders. His touch had always been so loving and kind. He’d never been a selfish lover. Not even when they’d been young. Her feelings and pleasures came before his own. It was the one thing that made her feel more connected to him than any other human.

But in the end, it hadn’t been enough. She needed more from him if they were going to make it for the long haul. Or at least that’s what she thought. Perhaps she’d been wrong.

She’d been wrong about so many other things.

“I don’t know.” He took the flimsy garment and flung it across the room. He ran his index finger down the center of her chest. “Trust me, he’s not here with us now.”

“And yet, we’re talking about him.”

Bellamy flipped her over on her back like she weighed nothing. His mouth came down on hers hard and fast. His tongue wrapped around hers as if it were on a mission.

Years of pain, sadness, and loneliness left her body. Everything she held so close to the cuff released from her muscles. Nothing mattered in this moment but her and Bellamy. It was more than a reconnection to her past life. To making right so many wrongs.

This was where she belonged.

Where she had always belonged.

It was bittersweet.

Because she knew it couldn’t—wouldn’t—last.

But she needed to feel something. To feel loved and valued.

To feel alive.

And Bellamy could give her that, even if only for a moment.

He dotted kisses on the side of her neck and down to her chest, giving each breast the attention they demanded.

Every inch of her body exploded with electricity. It was if she’d literally been dead and someone hooked her up to a machine and jolted her back to life. She was desperate to feel more. To feel all of him. She grappled with his pants, tugging at them with a feverish recklessness.

He pushed from the bed. Standing at the side, he lowered his slacks, staring at her with wild passion glowing from his light-blue eyes.

Her breath hitched as her mind flooded with every single memory of their lovemaking. Their first time, which had been the first time for both of them. Bellamy wasn’t the most romantic of men, but he’d pulled out all the stops for that night, knowing how important it had been for her and she loved him for it.

Still did.

Kneeling, she ran her hands up his thighs, admiring his taut physique. He had a few more scars than she remembered, but that came with his job.

She cupped him, stroking him, squeezing as she ran her hands up and down his length.

“Slow down,” he murmured.

That wasn’t going to happen. She took him into her mouth, not bothering to tease. All she wanted was to taste and devour.

He pooled her hair on top of her head. He’d always enjoyed watching and he was right about one thing. He never told her no. Pretty much whatever she wanted, she got.

Except one thing.

Bellamy was always better with animals than he was with humans. Perhaps not with this part, but with everything else.

He might understand what she needed in the bedroom. He might be the most respectful man on the planet. But he gave more of himself to his animals than he did to the people in his life. That had become painfully apparent when he got Roxy.

His muscles tightened and twitched. He tugged at her hair. “Hey,” he whispered. “Keep doing that and things will end right here. ”

She glanced up, licking her lips, still holding him in her hands.

He cocked his head. “It’s been a long time for me too.”

“How long?” A pang of jealousy filtered through her heart. She had no right. She’d been engaged to a man Bellamy hated and Bellamy had believed she was dead. He had a right to move on with his life. To love again. To have someone in his life.

“Does it matter?” Gently, he pushed back on the bed, tugging at her shorts and lowering himself to the floor.

“It does to me.”

He sighed. “A little over six months.”

“A one-night stand? Or was she a girlfriend?”

“Seriously? We’re going to have this discussion right now?” He lifted one of her legs over his shoulder and arched a brow.

She nodded, propping up on her elbows. “Humor me.”

“Kind of in between. We went out a couple of times. Not my type. She didn’t like cats.” He grabbed her other ankle. “Are we done with this? Because I have things to do.” He pressed his lips on the inside of her thigh, dangerously close to what made her a woman.

A guttural groan escaped her lips. She couldn’t form any other response if she tried .

His tongue glided across her, softly at first, and then he applied more pressure as he dove one finger inside.

She arched her back and let all the sensations engulf her mind and soul. Never in a million years did she believe she’d ever be able to let a man touch her again so intimately. But Bellamy washed all that away.

Instinctively, he knew exactly what she needed. What she desired. It made leaving this place come full circle. It had been a place she once loved. Then it became a living hell. A reminder of all her poor choices in life. Now, she’d be able to walk out of this country with her dignity back where it belonged.

And in the arms of the man she loved.

Even if it was only this one time.

The last ounce of healing.

She should feel bad for using him like this, but something told her that he needed this as much as she did.

“Oh God.” An orgasm tore through her body without warning. There had been little to no buildup. It slammed into her like a deer coming out of the woods and hitting a car from nowhere. She clutched his head, gasping for air, but no oxygen filled her lungs. All she got was the thick humidity that surrounded them.

He thrust himself deep inside her, heaving them onto the bed. It wasn’t rough, but the mattress shook with the weight of their bodies. His mouth landed on hers with a wild and out-of-control kiss as she wrapped her arms and legs around his massive body, drawing him closer and grinding her hips.

Another climax ripped through her and she dug her nails into his shoulders. It was as if she’d stepped onto a roller-coaster ride. The pitches and turns taking her for the spin of her life and there was no end in sight.

Breaking off the kiss, he stared into her eyes but never slowed the rhythm of their lovemaking. His thumbs fanned across her cheeks as he thrust so deep and brought another orgasm to the surface right before his spilled out, colliding with hers, causing her vision to blur.

His movements began to slow, rocking gently as he kissed her neck, whispering sweet words in her ears. He told her how beautiful she was and how much he’d missed her. He said all the right things. He always did.

And then he rolled to the side, holding her close, his fingertips still dancing up and down her arm.

She buried her face in his shoulder and the weight of the world came crashing down.

Tate was dead.

Because of her.

She was going back to the States, yet she was still going to have to hide. And now Bellamy and his team were going to have to put their lives on the line.

Because of her.

Tears poured out of eyes. She couldn’t stop them. She wanted to. She hated crying and this wasn’t the time to let these emotions slip out.

And certainly not with Bellamy. He wouldn’t know what to do with them.

“Hey.” He cupped her chin and tilted her head. “What’s this all about?”

Snagging the covers, she tried to roll away, but he grabbed her and wouldn’t let her move.

“It has nothing to do with what just happened or you,” she managed to choke out. “Please, just let me cry in peace.”

“No,” he said sternly, yanking her to his chest. “Look at me.”

The Bellamy she remembered would give her space. He would get out of bed and walk away, telling her that when she was ready, he’d listen. But he’d never push and they’d never talk about it because he didn’t want to actually deal with real emotion. Not unless she forced it on him, and then he’d remain quiet.

“It’s nothing.” She sucked in a deep breath, but it got botched and it came out more as blubbering sob than anything else.

“You’re crying. It’s something. Now talk to me.”

“How about you just let me cry and we talk later.” The tears slowed as he wiped them away. His sweet blue eyes calmed her nerves and she resented him for that. She also didn’t understand because it would have been easier for her to just roll away and deal with this on her own. That had been the crux of their relationship.

Not this.

“O. I’m right here and whatever’s going on with you right now, it’s a little hard not to take personally.” He ran his thumb across her lower lip. “I don’t want to. I’m trying like hell not to make this about me, but you burst into tears right after we made love. What am I supposed to think about that?”

“I cried after our first time.”

“That’s different and now you’re doing what you’ve always accused me of doing and that’s deflecting.” He fluffed one of the pillows and let out a long breath. “I’m not letting this go.”

“Fine,” she said. “I was overwhelmed with an onslaught of what happened to me these last five years. I’m scared, Bellamy. Tate’s dead because he was trying to help me and now he’s dragged you into it. For as much as we think we know, we don’t know anything. I can’t handle anyone else dying over this. Over me.” Her eyes burned with more tears.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He leaned closer, brushing his warm tender lips over hers. “You are not the problem. No one has died because of you. What Tate did for a living was dangerous. What I did as a Marine Raider could have gotten me killed numerous times. You know that.”

“You’re not helping.”

“I’m not going to lie to you and tell you this will be easy. But we will be able to protect you in Hawaii. Eric won’t be able to get to you there. We’ll see him coming better than if you stayed here. We have resources that Tate didn’t. I just wish he had pulled us in sooner.” He kissed her temple. “I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

His phone vibrated. He reached across her body and lifted it from the nightstand. “Crap,” he said. “Get dressed. We gotta go.” He tossed back the sheet and leaped from the bed.

“What’s going on?” She held the covers to her chin. Her heart beat so fast it hurt.

“Cooper just texted. Seems Eric’s private jet just landed in the capital. He wasn’t supposed to be headed here, but I guess he changed his flight plan.”

“That’s not good.”

“Nope. It’s not.” He tossed a few articles of clothing on the bed. “He’s about the same distance from where our transport plane is so we need to haul ass now.”

“How the hell could he know I’m alive?” Octavia asked. “Tate and Nova were the only ones who knew and neither one would have told anyone.”

“I agree with that. Nova and Tate are both trustworthy, but a local could have recognized you. There have been reports of sightings of you for the last five years. Most have been ruled false, thanks to them. I’m also stuck on this Lemin guy. But we’ll have to figure that out later. Now come on. We’ve got to get downstairs.”

She finished getting dressed and raced toward the door. She grabbed Bellamy by the biceps as fear seized her soul. “Before we step out of this room, I need to say one thing.”

“Okay.” He held her gaze.

“I don’t regret what happened between us.”

He kissed her cheek. “Neither do I.”