Page 21 of Behind Frenemy Lines
Charles
Plan was for Loretta and Hayley to have their “first look” photos in the suite, capturing the moment they saw each other in their wedding clothes for the first time.
An intimate moment: just the two of them, the photographer, the photographer’s assistant, the videographer, and the videographer’s assistant.
The brides had done all their looking by the time we got there. Room was full. Loretta’s parents were there, along with a white couple—a slim grey-haired woman and a burly red-faced man. Hayley’s mum and dad, presumably.
Hayley was glowing in a huge white dress, looking like a bride in a magazine. And Loretta, but not everyday Loretta. Loretta in makeup (weird), with her hair up (weird), and dressed in something other than a sweatshirt and tracksuit bottoms (extra weird).
A friend had made her outfit—Hayley and Loretta have a lot of friends who know how to sew, it comes from all the cosplay.
She was wearing a cheongsam-style top and fitted trousers in a sheeny off-white fabric embossed with flowers, with purple jade buttons across the chest and up the ankles.
And gold heels. Loretta never wears heels.
Nothing about the outfit was like anything Loretta usually wore. Yet somehow she looked more herself than ever, like someone had turned her Loretta-ness up to eleven. Looked happy.
Was on the verge of embarrassing myself, by welling up or something horrific like that. But everyone’s jaws dropped as we came in, and I remembered I’d already embarrassed myself in a different way.
Loretta and her mum: “ Charles! ”
Ah Yi, in Cantonese: “What is that you’re wearing? Why haven’t you changed for the wedding? It’s starting in an hour’s time!”
Was worried for a second. Pretty sure my costume was accurate.
Had confided in Hayley, and she’d enlisted the help of their cosplay seamstress friends.
One cosplay friend had even sent me a step-by-step guide to hand-painting the racquet so it’d match the one in the series.
(Did it on a Saturday morning. Loretta never gets up before eleven on a Saturday.)
But this was the first time Hayley, or anyone, was seeing the results on me.
Hayley: “Oh my God. Charles… you’re attractive. ” Clapped her hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry! I don’t know why I said that.”
My eyes slid to Kriya despite myself. She looked amused.
Loretta, hollowly: “No, no. I see it too. He looks hot. Why’d you do this to me, Charles?”
CG: “I thought you’d find it funny!”
All parents present looked baffled. Loretta’s dad the only one who seemed to have got a sense of what was going on. Unfortunately, he tried to help.
Yi Cheung: “Maternal cousins, in Chinese culture they can get married. It’s not considered a stigma. The surname is different. If the surname is the same, that can be an issue.”
Loretta was blinking the way women do when they’re wearing too much makeup to cry. Looking up at the ceiling, she said: “Ba, are you saying it’s not too late for me to swap Hayley for my own cousin ?”
Ah Yi, to me: “Now, you see, she’s upset! What are you doing, going to play sports on the day of your cousin’s wedding? You can play badminton any day!”
Loretta, sweeping her palms under her eyes: “It’s OK, Ma, stop scolding him. I’m not upset, I’m touched. Come here, Charles, let’s take a picture!”
She flung her arms around me when I got to her. Smelled familiar.
CG: “Did you nick my cologne?”
Loretta: “I’m borrowing it. You can have it back if you want. Do you want it?”
CG: “It’s my cologne! Did you go in my bathroom without asking?”
Loretta: “There was only a little bit left in the bottle. You’ve got a new one waiting, I saw it.”
CG: “That’s not the point. My bathroom cabinet is not a bloody Superdrug—”
Hayley, grinning, through her teeth: “I love you both, but you need to stop squabbling, or we’re going to be late for our own wedding.”
I shut up. Bride’s prerogative to burgle her relatives, I suppose. Also, I’d forgotten Kriya was there and watching the whole thing.
She flashed me a smile when she noticed me looking at her. Seemed to be enjoying herself, at least.
The photographer was taking it all in her—their—stride. They had teal-streaked hair and wore stripy knee-length socks, a fuchsia dress covered with round-eyed anime frogs, and a “they/them” pin. No doubt they’d seen far stranger getups than mine, in their time.
Photographer: “OK, can we have best man between the brides? Let’s have the racquet a little higher so we can see it. Lovely! I love the smile, but we know Kiichiro’s an intense character, so can we try for more of a smoulder?”
Loretta: “They mean you. You’ve got to smoulder.”
CG: “Yes, thank you, I’d got that—”
Loretta: “I don’t know if you think you’re smouldering, but you’re not. You look like something caught in the headlights of a car.”
CG: “I’m sorry, I don’t get a lot of practice in smouldering. I’m a solicitor, not a model.”
Loretta, to Hayley: “Look at him. God gave him those cheekbones, and he goes and ruins it with his personality.”
Hayley was no help, too busy giggling. Nor was the photographer: “Try to imagine how Kiichiro felt during the Goshogawara High School showdown!”
Kriya: “Charles, you know the new limitation case you were telling me about? Can you remind me, what was the ratio?”
Frowned. I’d mentioned the case to Kriya because there was a limitation issue in her pro bono matter. Surprised she’d forgotten the point so soon.
CG: “It was on the interpretation of section 32 of the Limitation Act. The one that says where the defendant has deliberately concealed facts relevant to the claimant’s right of action, limitation doesn’t run until the claimant has discovered the concealment, or could with reasonable diligence have discovered it. The Supreme Court said—”
Photographer, snapping away: “That’s it! Perfect.”
Loretta: “Is that Kriya? She’s gorgeous and she’s a Charles whisperer! Get over here, Kriya, get in the shot!”
Was beginning to wonder if Loretta had started in on the champagne early. Kriya held back, protesting, until Hayley dragged her over and shoved her next to me, unnecessarily close.
Kriya smelled nice, of the lemongrass scent that fills the office on the days she comes in. Her bare arm brushed mine. I could feel my pulse throbbing in the base of my throat.
It was a relief when the photo was over. Kriya touched my elbow lightly, smiled, and stepped away.
Did that mean anything? Probably nothing. Just trying to show she had no hard feelings about being manhandled by my shameless cousin’s fianc é e.
On the other hand, it might have meant something more than that. If so, what?
Could have done with Loretta’s advice. Couldn’t ask then, though: Loretta had better things to be thinking about. She hugged me.
Loretta: “Thanks, Biu Gor.” Not taking the piss for once.
CG: “You look amazing.”
Loretta: “So do you, you big lunk.” Produced a tissue from her trouser pocket and patted her eyes.
“How’s my mascara holding up? Good. I guess it’s really waterproof.
There’s Ma speaking Cantonese to Kriya. I don’t know why Ma does this, it’s not like she can’t speak English. You’d better go rescue your date.”
CG: “She can speak Cantonese. Anyway, she’s not really my date. She’s here as a friend.”
Loretta: “Are you serious? She’s a polyglot on top of everything else? Charles, she’s the perfect woman. You have to lock it down.”
CG: “Most Malaysians are multilingual, it’s not unusual. Shouldn’t you be saying Hayley’s the perfect woman?”
Loretta: “Hayley’s charm point is that on the outside, she’s gorgeous, accomplished, and normal. But in her heart, she’s a weird little freak, like me. You know that.”
Having borne witness to their many FaceTime calls over the years, I did know that. “Right.”
Loretta: “We’re perfect for each other, and I want you to have the same thing. You’ve got Kriya here for the day, you’ve got the guns out.” Tapped my arm. “We’ve got an open bar, there’s going to be a band, dancing. And you’ve got the flat to yourself tonight. This is your chance to seal the deal.”
Looked over at Kriya. She appeared engrossed in conversation with my aunt.
CG: “Are you telling me all of this—insisting I bring a date—was simply a scheme to set me up with Kriya?”
Loretta: “No!”
CG: “Good.”
Loretta: “It’s both. I did want you to bring proof of your heterosexuality, so I wouldn’t get in trouble with the aunties. But I also knew you’d never shoot your shot with Kriya unless you were forced. I mean, there’s a reason I’m marrying the love of my life, and you’re terminally single.”
There were so many scathing things I wanted to say, I wasn’t sure which to start with.
Clearly Loretta did not have better things to think about than my (admittedly pathetic) love life, even though she was, as she said, in the process of marrying a stunning girl she’d wooed online with nothing more than her native wit, Lord of the Rings memes, and obscene images of cartoon badminton players.
CG: “Look, you—”
Loretta: “There’s no need to say thank you. You go get the girl.”
Gave me a push towards Kriya and turned away.
There are times I feel Loretta does not have a proper respect for me as an elder.