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CHAPTER ONE

violet

BEFORE

Heat bathed my body. I snuggled closer. Luca’s heart pounded beneath my ear. He stroked his fingertips over my cheek, tucking my hair back from my face before he pressed a kiss to my forehead. Something thick and hard pulsed against my hip. I smiled, sleep slowly fading away.

“Luca.” Nuzzling my face closer, I kissed his chest.

A ragged inhale jerked me fully awake, reality settling into that heavy yet empty spot where my heart was supposed to be. Not Luca. Never Luca. He wasn’t mine anymore. Part of me wondered if he had ever been mine to begin with. Maybe I’d just been filling an empty spot for him until something better came along.

Some one better.

My chest squeezed painfully.

Stop it. Don’t go there. Don’t think about him and the future you were supposed to have with a boy who never did anything to earn your heart besides existing.

Choking down a sob, I lifted my lashes and met Jagger’s blue eyes.

Heated blue eyes.

Something tightened between my legs. That needy part of me that I’d had to hide away. Luca had never touched me. I always had to do it myself—and never ever while he was in the same space as me. He didn’t trust himself, afraid that even one taste of me would make it impossible to hold on to his control.

Unconsciously, I arched my hips against Jagger’s, seeking relief from the throbbing hunger deep in my belly. His lashes lowered, his brow pinched, need glimmering from those intense, beautiful eyes. Skimming my tongue over my bottom lip, I shifted my leg, pressing my core against his thigh a little harder.

Another flex of that steel rod, but this time, it was against the inside of my thigh.

It felt so damn good.

Why had I never realized how perfect Jagger’s lips were?

Did he know how much I wanted him to kiss me? Could he read it in my eyes? There was no way he didn’t feel the wetness that ruined my panties. I was wearing baggy running shorts and an even baggier shirt. No bra. My nipples were so hard they ached. But not half as badly as between my legs.

I rocked against him. Once. Twice. A third time.

A whimper bubbled free.

Fingers brushed over my face again, but this time, they were softer, and I jolted. Regret was the last thing I saw flickering in Jagger’s gaze before he blinked, locking away the hunger I’d glimpsed raging in those ice-blue eyes.

I wanted Jagger.

I wanted Jagger?

No!

I shook the thought away. No way. It couldn’t—I couldn’t. And wouldn’t. Jagger was meant to be Shaw’s. Not mine. Thoughts scrambling, I tried to come up with a reason why my body had betrayed me with one of my nearest, dearest friends. It was understandable that I would react so intensely. I was horny and Jagger was hot. Of course, my body would react.

Was still reacting.

Shit.

A hundred different emotions filled me. Regret. Need. Shame. Hunger. Disloyalty.

My clit had a fucking pulse.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Shaw soothed, continuing to stroke my cheek, kissing my temple. She trailed her fingers down my neck, pushing my hair over my shoulder so she could nuzzle my ear. “You were just having a bad dream.”

I didn’t respond, my breathing growing more rapid. A nightmare. That was a great excuse to cling to for why my body had been moving so restlessly. I didn’t have to confess to my best friend that I’d been humping the leg of the boy she was in love with.

Her hand slid down my arm, found the hem of my shirt, and slid beneath so she could stroke the skin of my stomach soothingly. Her nails gently scraped over my flesh, and I moaned. Fuck, that felt almost as good as having Jagger’s cock pressed against my clit.

Goose bumps beaded along my entire body. My nipples had never been tighter. My entire body felt heavy. Achy.

Starving.

“Or maybe your dream wasn’t so scary. Were you thinking of Luca touching you?” She laughed softly, the sound husky, a tiny hint of a rasp lingering from her own nap.

My core clenched, more wetness drenching my panties. Jagger sucked in another breath, his cock growing harder, thicker, against my center. It wouldn’t take much. All we would have to do was shift my shorts and panties to the side, pull his cock free from his basketball shorts. And then I could feel him. Right there. Where he was twitching against me. I wanted to feel him bare. I wanted him inside me.

Empty. I was so fucking empty.

“I was having a nice dream too.” Shaw’s soothing touch became…different. She traced little designs on my skin, and that only amped up the hunger between my legs. Gnawing at me. Need. I needed to be full. I needed to be touched.

It wasn’t like I was starved for affection or anything. I got plenty of that. Shaw and Jagger were always nearby, watching me closely. Fear was their constant companion when it came to me these days. Since the breakup.

Ever since the dark thoughts had nearly won. I’d considered ending it all. Thoughts of Luca, our ruined plans for the future, her .

I flinched, mentally shaking away thoughts of Megan. No. She didn’t get to live rent-free in my head, driving me deeper into the darkest parts of my mind, trapping me with the pain. I wanted to hide from it all. From the agony that still lingered. From the love that wouldn’t die. From myself.

Ever since I’d voiced my thoughts, Shaw and Jagger had barely left my side. One or both of them was always there. My anchors to this world. My reasons for not putting an end to it all and moving on to the next life in the hopes that I would finally have relief.

I fell asleep tucked between the two of them often, my ear pressed to one’s chest while the other spooned against my back. It was safe when they blanketed me from the rest of the world. I felt loved. Wanted. Needed.

Vital.

Shaw was never going to let me go.

And neither would Jags.

Which was why I had no business thinking of Jagger like that.

Or…Shaw.

I bit my lip.

Shaw inched closer, her front melting into my back, her warm breath brushing over my ear. I liked being there. Between them. Breathing their air. Feeling their skin against mine. Jagger’s gaze shifted to Shaw, the hunger returning to his eyes tenfold. Another whimper tried to leave my throat. I liked the way he looked at her. I liked it a fucking lot.

Again, my hips moved without conscious thought, my butt pressing back into Shaw, causing her breath to hitch, her hand spreading out as she pressed her palm to my stomach and slowly traveled down. We were all so close that the back of her hand rubbed against Jagger’s abs. His sun-kissed, chiseled, perfect abs that were bare because he’d tossed his shirt when we’d been out by the pool. After hanging out all afternoon, we’d come up to my room and turned on a movie.

Shaw had fallen asleep first, but I’d been quick to follow, the sound of Jagger’s heart a familiar rhythm beneath my ear, like a lullaby.

“Wh—” Jagger’s voice cracked, his breath shuddering out of him, brushing my cheek. “What are you doing, dimples?”

“Exploring. I’ve decided that Vi and I are in our experimenting era. Guys are useless. Especially you and Luca.” She slipped her hand under my panties, moving lower until she was cupping my pussy, giving me time to say no. Or push her hand away. Or sit up and tell her she was crazy.

“Experimenting era,” I repeated breathlessly. I didn’t want to stop her. I wanted to know if she could make me feel as good as I yearned for.

“Yeah,” she hummed, kissing my neck as she spread my dripping folds, finding and playing with my clit.

“Oh. Ohhhh. Oh…ahhh .” My brain shut down. There was nothing but Shaw’s touch and Jagger’s eyes. He caught hold of my wrists, his fingers wrapped around them so he could feel how crazy my pulse was. Just for a moment before he groaned and released me. He gulped, a silent plea on his lips that I couldn’t make sense of because Shaw was pushing her middle finger inside me.

“That’s good. I like that. I’ve never… No one has ever…” I didn’t make sense, yet Shaw understood what I was telling her. Her breathing became labored. Her free hand went beneath me until she was fully wrapped around me, and she began to play with my throbbing nipples. Tug. Twist. Tug. “Shaw. I. You. Please.”

“Shh, baby. I’ve got you.” She licked my ear before nipping at the cartilage. “You’re so wet. Have you ever tasted yourself?” I shook my head, unable to form words. “I bet it’s sweet. There’s too much honey on my hand for it not to be sweet.”

She added another finger. “This is how I like it. My middle and ring finger. I like going as deep as I can. There’s this spot right about…here.” I cried out and could hear the grin in her voice when she praised me. “Good girl. Let me know what feels good. Otherwise, how will I know what makes you come? Mmm. I like touching you more than I like touching myself. Your pussy is so tight, babe. I can barely get my fingers inside you.”

“Sh-Shaw!”

“I know, Vi. This pussy is fluttering. Greedy for relief. Desperate. You need to come, don’t you?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll help you, baby. I’ll give it to you.” There was no mistaking the sound of her fingers working me up. Squish. Squish. Squish. Her pace was perfect. The right amount of pressure to my clit while her fingers stretched me. Slap. Slap. Slap.

“Look at Jagger,” Shaw commanded. “Watch his face while he watches me get your pretty kitty to purr.”

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” His tortured chant echoed inside my head.

I forced myself to look at him even as my eyes threatened to roll back into my head while Shaw played with me. My pussy gushed with another flood of pleasure when our gazes locked. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

“She feels like silk wrapped around my fingers, Jags. I didn’t know a girl could get this wet. I think I like making her squish. I want to lick it off my fingers after she comes.”

“No!” He roared then quickly lowered his voice. No one else was home, but it felt wrong for him to be loud. Like he was going to shatter the invisible wall we’d carefully built around us. “No, Shaw. I get to suck her off your fingers. I might not be able to touch, but you are going to fucking feed me when you two are done torturing me.”

“I’ll think about it.” She sank her fingers deeper. Jagger’s eyes stayed locked with mine. Experimenting era. I liked that. It felt good. Shaw was safe. I knew she would never hurt or humiliate me. She was my best friend. A piece of me…my soul.

I loved her.

And now, I wanted her.

“Gods. Fuck. Gods. You two are beautiful. So fucking beautiful. I’m going to come just watching you. dimples, I’m going to shift back a little. Push her clothes out of the way. I just want to…see. Please .”

With a growl, she tore my shorts and panties away, then hiked up my shirt, showing him what she was doing to my nipples. Each tug tightened the muscles deep inside me. Deeper than Shaw was able to touch.

I pressed a hand just below my navel, my ache growing. Empty. I was so empty. I wanted to be full.

Jagger grabbed hold of a pillow, clenching and squeezing the thick down with his fingers, his icy-blue orbs worshipping me. “That’s so pretty.”

“I told you it was. See this?” Shaw spread my lips, her drenched fingers rubbing in a V over my clit before dipping back inside me. “I’m the only one besides her who has been here. It’s mine now.”

I was going blind, my vision dimming until all I could see were Jagger’s eyes.

“She’s so wet. It glitters like diamonds. Do you two get waxed together?”

“Always.”

“Gotta keep my hands to myself.”

“But do you really?” Shaw taunted him. “Look at all this beauty in my hands. I’m calling dibs. But I’ll share with you if you want. All you have to do is touch. Here.” Shaw tugged my nipple hard. “Or here.” She traced a heart over my clit. “Or here.” She added a third finger, stretching me, making the world spin around me. “Don’t lie and say you don’t want to. Your dick is so hard, your tip is sticking out from under those shorts. You’re dripping come all over Vi’s sheets.”

My eyes dropped lower, wondering if she was joking. But faced with the proof of how turned on he was, I made a mewling noise at the sight. His tip was swollen and leaking. Suddenly, I wanted to see all of it. Him. Was he as thick as I’d felt earlier, or had I been imagining that? Would he have veins popping out of his shaft?

I licked my lips, wishing I could taste him.

“I’ve never…” I broke off, shaking my head. “Luca wouldn’t let me…taste him.”

“Gods.” Jagger’s entire body seemed to tremble. “I can’t, Vi. I can’t .”

“I know,” I whispered, tearing my gaze away, disappointment filling my chest.

“But I want to. I would let you both taste every inch of me if I could,” he whispered, his tone so low I almost didn’t hear him.

Shaw’s fingers set a faster pace, her palm slapping against my clit as she filled me up. Deeper. Please, deeper. I felt so empty. Even with her inside me.

“It’s okay, Vi. We don’t need to taste him. Or touch him. Or suck him. We don’t have to hold ourselves back. I can touch you anytime I want.” Shaw brushed her lips over my ear, whispering so it felt like we were alone. I closed my eyes, blocking Jagger out.

Shaw. Shaw. Shaw.

Something inside me exploded. Light and sound no longer existed to me. All I could feel was Shaw. I didn’t realize I was chanting her name until she tenderly shushed me, her fingers slowing to a gentle rhythm, but she seemed fascinated by how hard I was clenching around her.

Turning my head, I met her lips in a surprisingly soft kiss that ironed her name on to a part of my soul. She nuzzled her nose against mine. “We can touch and suck and fuck each other. As often as we want. There are no rules when it comes to you and me, baby. None. I’m going to make you feel good, Vi. I’m going to own this little body. You are mine.”

“You’re mine, too.”

“Yeah, Vi. I am fucking yours. First. Last. Always.”