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No Phones

AMAIA

Forever is not infinite.

The two terms are similar in the way humanity has come to understand them, yes. But at their base, they are different. Forever is practical. The idea that I will care about the ones I’ve loved and lost far into the future. As long as my mind can conceptualize the idea of love, then the love I hold for them will always exist.

Forever has limitations, whereas infinite does not. Through time and through space, when our names are long forgotten by any human left, that love would still exist. Forever is foundational. You can build off it. Use it to power you. Infinite is limitless. Infinite love will have you burn the village down at the risk of your own safety.

What makes a soldier? How does one become a monster? What turns a person into the villain from their darkest dreams? Changes them, molds them until they no longer recognize who they’d become.

Life doesn’t stop the moment the worst thing in your life happens. It keeps moving and you mold yourself into the person you need to be in order to survive. These were the questions and thoughts I’d theorize over as I read my favorite stories every night before bed. You see, the mind can take you anywhere. On countless adventures to explore your wildest thoughts. I was a dreamer. An optimist in the worst of situations, always imagining what could be.

Perhaps that’s why I never gave up. Maybe that is why when my reality shattered, I kept pushing, never let myself settle with the truth of my reality. When the world around you changes in an instant, it’s hard to settle and let life catch up. That infinite love, the desire to keep living on when they cannot, is fueling.

“You are not wearing a white suit,” I teased, stabbing at an eel roll and plopping it into my mouth with a moan.

It’d been the first time I’d had a chance to eat all day. Traffic had been terrible on the way to work, making it impossible to stop for my morning coffee. Then the emails hadn’t slowed and anything further than the vending machine was unattainable. Xavier made up for it, though. He always did. Tonight was wedding planning night, and he’d stopped at our favorite sushi place on his way home. All waiting for me with a fresh vase of flowers and a freshly baked pie on the counter upon my arrival.

Harley whined as Xavier took a seat next to me on the couch. The cedar-scented body wash from his shower had me shifting closer under his arm. He reached down to scratch behind Harley’s ear. “Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t match the vibes of a barn wedding,” I said, using my chopsticks to fight off his wandering fingers on my plate.

“Maia,” he sighed as his dark brown fingers rubbed against his temples. “We are not getting married in a barn.”

I rolled my eyes, leaning into his chest. “You’re right … I’m not thinking big enough. We should totally do the?—”

“Redwoods,” Sloan and I said in unison, erupting into laughter.

Xavier groaned, clicking on the corner of the phone and finding Sloan’s face on the screen. “Hi, Sloan. This is going to cost me a pretty penny, isn’t it?”

“I’d say she’s worth it, but hey, that’s just me!”

“You don’t count, Sloan,” he said, glaring into the phone. “I want to talk to my future wife alone now, if you don’t mind. Bye-bye.”

He clicked the end button, setting my phone and plate on the coffee table.

“Hey!” I shouted, but his hand cupping my chin silenced me as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Wedding planning night.” Xavier leaned away, leveling a stare before coming back for another peck. “No phones.”

“That was wedding planning,” I chuckled, knowing the vibrating phone on the table was from one of my girls.

He grabbed it, typing in the password and reading the most recent text out loud. “Sloan: For bridesmaids dresses I’m thinkin’ olive green. My baby cousin did this color profile thing on me and it looks fantastic against my skin.”

I shrugged. “It does look really good on her?—”

“That is not wedding planning,” he interrupted, grabbing a piece of my sushi while I was distracted. I smacked his arm before stealing a sip of his beer in turn. “Sammy: Green washes me out. No green.”

“It’s as much wedding planning as my brain can take at the moment, I’ll tell you that.” I groaned. So much to do, so little time. There were never enough hours in the day, it seemed.

Xavier’s brown eyes reflected the screen as he typed a response. “There. Problem solved.” He tossed my phone onto the rug and out of reach and switched the TV to display his ‘wedding planning’ PowerPoint.

“What did you do?” I asked, my laugh caught in my throat as he swooped me into his lap.

The constant buzz of my phone hummed in the distance as we debated over different venues and how they fit into our budget. He’d been oddly thorough. More than I’d expected, considering most of my friends who’d gotten married complained about doing it all on their own.

Now I was scrolling through Pinterest on his laptop. “I honestly don’t think it’ll rain. But if you insist, it appears they have a contingency plan. Not as cute, but like I said, it’s not going to rain,” I called out to him from the snug little corner of our studio apartment.

The toilet flushed in the bathroom and I took the moment to check my phone. Harley’s ears perked up as I unlocked the screen.

“What is it, girl?” I asked, rubbing the spot near her back legs that often calmed her down.

The vase of flowers crashed off the bar cart. I turned around, Xavier’s brown skin a sickly green color. One hand fell over his stomach, the other grasping his chiming phone. “Something’s … wrong.”

“What? Like bad sushi or something?” I stood up, crossing the room. The continued buzzing of my phone fought for my attention. My heart stopped the moment I glanced down. The first text on my phone in a string of notifications from friends and news stations alike.

Dad: Day 0. Stay safe. We love you.

“Xavier—” I started, looking up to find him making his way to the ground.

His head slammed into the hardwood floor, body convulsing. The brown eyes I’d become accustomed to glazed over, unseeing as he stared up at me, his body utterly still. “Xavier!” I shouted, pushing Harley back as she pried her way between us.

With the twitch of his head, the tension in my body eased. Alive . He’s still alive. Until his gaze connected with mine. The only force stronger than love is fear. Maybe that’s why I ran.