Page 57 of Beauty & Chaos

That’s new.

I don’t think I’ve ever missed a woman before, and it makes me uncomfortable. Yet there is a fuzzy feeling in my stomach when I think about the weekend I have planned for us. Lancelot stealing his Genevieve and riding off into the sunset.

Temporarily.

Before I can second guess myself, I say to Mama, “I went on a date last weekend.”

What am I doing?

“What? Who with? What’s her name? Or him. No judgment zone here,” she asks, the eagerness in her voice making me laugh.

Still, I’m smiling as I remember all the times Sofia has tried to marry me off with almost every daughter she knows these past years. She even sat me down and told me she’s okay if I’m gay or any of the other letters.

I was very pleased she didn’t know about the club during that conversation. It would have made my reassurance that much harder.

“It’s aherand it’s nothing serious. We had one date. I just thought it would make your day.”

“Bring her over for dinner this weekend.” Mama has so much excitement in her voice that I laugh again, surprising myself with how happy I sound.

“Can’t. We’re going away.”

Shit.

There’s silence, then atut, tut, tut.“Not serious, my back end.”

“It’s for work.” I lie.

“Is she one of your employees?”

Good lord. I’m digging myself a hole.

“No, it’s...a project I’m working on. It’s complicated, Mama. Don’t worry. But you would like her. She’s a strong and bright woman.”

“Be careful,mi chico.” She warns me, calling me her boy despite having two sons and a daughter of her own. Sofia adopted me as one of hers the moment we reconnected, and I had no say in the matter.

She is one of the most important people in my world.

“Always. I have to go, Mama.Ignore the news. Karma will get that man one day. I promise you.”

More silence.

“Don’t do anything to destroy the life you’ve created, Travis, please. You have a good life. A good heart.”

She knows me.

I try to hide my darkness, but how could she not see it, when she was there in the room watching the monster who had, years ago, ravaged my soul. Trampled on it. Torn my innocent heart into tiny pieces and chewed it while laughing at me.

Made me feel as if I was nothing but a tool for his sexual pleasure while filling me with fear and threats.

He didn’t encourage me to grow as a person, thrive, be brave or creative. Simply paraded me in front of his fans while I died a little more inside, hiding the secret I believed the world would blame me for.

I was the one, after all, who gave him ideas and caused his cock to grow big and erect. He told me so.

I was the one who had the mouth he dreamed about while at work and raced home to stuff with his dick. He told me so.

I was the one who teased and tempted him...

None of it was true.