Page 15 of Beautiful Ruins

My Grade 12 jersey. A pair of my favourite jeans. They were all covered in a thick layer of dust, like relics of a past that should have been buried along with the memories.

I reached up and grabbed an old blue suitcase from the top shelf. The weight of it had me wincing as the movement tugged on my fragile ribs. It was heavier than it had any right to be.

With a grunt, I dumped it onto the mattress, swiping off the dust covering the top. My fingers trembled around the zipper as I ran it around the side and flipped the lid open to face that small part of my past.

The sight hit me in the chest. I’d opened a casket, one filled with pieces of a life I never got to live.

Inside was everything I’d packed for mine and Logan’s trip after graduation. Our big escape plan was sealed in time, right where I’d left it. We’d spent our entire lives in Barrenridge, in this empty shell of a town, and all we’d wanted was to see how far we could go before we fell off the edge of the world.

My gaze was fixed on the contents of the bag, my mind spinning back to the night it all fell apart. To the night I’d realised Logan had been hiding from me all along.

With trembling hands, I picked through the belongings that would never be used. Clothes that were supposed to be for a summer on the road. A pair of sneakers I’d worn to break in, but now were strangers to me.

A sharp edge caught the side of my finger as I reached under a black T-shirt. I winced, squeezing the blood from the slight cut—a paper cut. I sucked the sting away and tugged out a neatly folded note sitting on the top of my once-favourite light blue sweater.

I ran my finger over Logan’s messy handwriting,over my name—Sadie—scrawled in blue ink. My throat clogged up. When had he put this in there?

Logan had seemed so normal at graduation, grinning like he owned the world, that smug twist in his smile I’d always forgiven. But, afterwards, when I’d hugged him, something had felt . . . off. Like a shiver behind the warmth. I’d thought maybe he was just having a bout of the guilts over leaving Rowan to fend off their old man on his own.

We had gone home, got dressed for the formal, and I had left my suitcase on the bed, open in case I forgot anything. Our plan had been to leave early the next morning.

Logan had met me by my front door, dressed in his navy suit. “Hey, Sades,” he had said, scratching the back of his neck. “Just got to help the old man with something. I’ll meet you there.”

I’d glared at him for ditching me, but he’d just shrugged it off like he always had when I was pissed at him. So, Jazz and I made our way to the formal alone.

And Logan never showed up.

How could I not have noticed he was in so much pain?

A choked sob ripped through me at the realisation that this could have been his goodbye. Was this his way of explaining why he had left me behind? That night, I had lost him before I even knew he was gone.

The days after his death had been a blur. I could barely function, so I’m not surprised I missed this. What else had I missed? What else had I ignored right in front of my face?

I’d drowned in guilt and anger that didn’t even feel like it was mine to feel. It had been Logan’s, and I never even knew it.

My hands shook as I unfolded the page. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears already rolling down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure I could take it. But he owed me this.

Exhaling slowly, I opened my eyes and ran them over the words.

Sades,

Meet me at our spot after the formal. It’s important. I need to tell you the truth.

If I’m not there, go to Rowan. He’ll know what to do.

“Tadpoles, frogs, and dragonflies,

Hollow Creek, where the secret lies.”

You always remembered the words better than I did. Just don’t forget them now.

I love you.

Logan x

The air in the room grew humid, clinging to my clammy skin. The suitcase gaped open, holding its breath just as I was. My legs gave way, and I sank onto my bed as I stared at the words, a tear dropping onto the page, the ink bleeding into the paper.

What truth? What fucking truth?