Page 30 of Bears of Firefly Valley: The Reasons Collection (Bears of Firefly Valley Boxed Sets #1)

I groaned. I’d rather have woken up in the back of my truck to morning commuters honking their horns.

At least if Matt had done it, I’d be able to…

what? Stay mad? Wallow? I don’t know. Yet again, Simon proved that he’s a decent human being.

It was me making things weird. If I could get over this unrealistic expectation, maybe we’d be friends.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m sure you’ve already heard.”

She picked up her cup of coffee and took a sip. Had she intended to watch over me for the night, or did she foresee this conversation happening? Moms had this uncanny ability to know when their children were in distress. She wouldn’t let me dance around the conversation.

“I’ve heard your boyfriend has a complicated home life.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“He’s a boy, and by the way he carried you in here, he strikes me as a friend.” The thought of him lugging me up the steps and waking Mom up made this so much worse. The more of a gentleman he turned into, the more I mourned a future that never happened.

“He has a wife.”

She laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You are.” My mom needed to work on her bedside manner. “So, he has a wife. I’m not seeing a problem.”

“He has a wife . He’s married. That’s a problem.”

She continued her chuckling. “Gerald?—”

“Can we not with Gerald? I’ll be happy for you in the morning.”

“Don’t you pull a tone with me, mister.”

I sulked. Childish, I know. Mom slid to the end of her chair, resting her elbows on her knees. The light to the side made the white wisps of hair almost glow so that she had a halo behind her head.

“Do you know how Gerald refers to your dad?”

I pulled the afghan the rest of the way off my lap. It was the one my grandmother made shortly before she passed. Mom insisted on keeping it draped across the back of the couch. It added a homey touch to the living room, and if I held it to my nose, I could still smell Mimi.

“He still calls your dad my husband. I appreciate that. Even though he’s doing his best to court me, he has no illusions about my past. Heck, you still talk to Jon.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it, though? Whatever shenanigans the two of you got into, it’s your past. And here you are making assumptions about Simon. Have you stopped to ask him about it?”

In hindsight, I hadn’t stopped to ask questions. My insecurities painted a picture, and my brain ran with it. When we talked about it on the porch, Simon had been forthright.

“I didn’t think so.” Mom didn’t let up. “I hate to say it, but I think you’re the one being the jerk.”

“Ouch,” I said.

“What are you so scared of?”

When I didn’t answer, she got up and picked a seat next to me.

The question should have been easy to answer.

Rejection, right? I didn’t want Simon to say he wanted to patch things up with Lucy and squash any possibilities of us.

The longer I thought about it, the less it had to do with Simon.

Was the uneasy feeling in my chest because of Simon?

Or did I hope Simon would fix a bigger problem?

“I’m thinking about leaving Firefly,” I admitted.

“I wondered if that was it.”

Mom had this ability to cut through the bull and get to the heart of the matter.

Sometimes, she’d lay it on the table and force me to confront a dilemma.

This time, she guided me through my thoughts until I came to the conclusion myself.

It reminded me of how Simon asked Lucas if he wanted to talk now or wait till later.

I repositioned myself on the couch and laid my head in Mom’s lap. We hadn’t done this for years. Her hand grazed the top of my head, playing with my hair as I processed the severity of the situation.

“Boogie, I’d hate to see you go. But if it’s time, then go.”

First, it had been the convention. I wanted to feel like Firefly had something specifically for me.

I put all my energy into the event, hoping it’d go off without a hitch.

We’d take a big-city spectacle and put our own spin on it.

Then, I’d have something to look forward to each year. It’d anchored me to Firefly.

Then Simon came along. I had given up on the hope of finding a man, especially one that made me abandon the idea of moving.

Had I put too much pressure on a maybe? It wasn’t intentional, but I had thought Simon might be my reason to stay.

It’d be a fairy-tale romance and end with a white picket fence.

Then…

Tears welled up in my eyes. It felt like there was a decision in front of me, and I fought the inevitable.

“Change is hard, boogie. But sometimes it’s what we need.” She continued tracing my hairline. “Your father always thought you were destined for something big. If Firefly can’t give it to you, he would want you to go find it.”

I wanted to hear his voice. It had this rugged gravel sound to it. He had spent his entire life in Firefly. He always said there was nothing he needed that Firefly Valley couldn’t provide. Then he’d look at Mom, and I’d see the reason he stayed.

“I miss him, too.” She read my mind. “Every single day.”

When he first passed away, we avoided the topic.

It was like pouring salt on a wound. One day, Mom had found a package of beef jerky wedged in between the couch cushions.

She couldn’t stop laughing at his habit of hiding snacks around the house.

It had led to a lengthy confession of all the weird things we had found over the years.

I swear he hid those single-serving cupcakes in easy spots so a younger version of myself could find them.

“How did you and Dad meet?”

Her hand stopped moving and I could hear her let out a long sigh. “I’ve told you a thousand times.”

She had, and when he was alive, I had balked at their high school romance. I never had the chance to tell him how I thought about it every time I went on a first date. He and Mom had set the bar incredibly high for any man who dared to ask me out.

She continued running her hands across my hair. “Your father was such a looker…”