Page 32

Harper

Mack wasn’t here right now. I knew the distracted look, the frantic flick of the eyes, of someone who was deep in something they were re-experiencing. I guess that’s what happened when you were forced to kill your own dad. Shame, that’s what I got, loud and clear, in the car and now.

Where was the snarky arsehole who’s mouth did a fair approximation of a cat’s bum as he screwed it up tight, trying not to smile?

In some ways I preferred it to this. Seeing the whites of his eyes way too easily, the smile there and gone again.

I gripped his hand tightly, not because I was scared of the rollercoaster, but because I knew exactly what he was going through.

Bio parents were funny things. One or more people were handed a child without any qualifiers other than the fact that they’d gone through childbirth, then left on their own to deal with the kid.

Despite the plethora of books around, there was no definitive manual, no certain path to success and happiness.

People muddled through and god knew, that’s what Mum had done, Nanna too.

Sometimes they did in a way that produced a happy, self-actualised adult, and sometimes…

I didn’t look away when the rollercoaster dropped down abruptly, my gut feeling like it was up in my mouth.

Sometimes they just fucked things right up.

I studied the side of Mack’s face, taking in that strong jaw, those sharp cheekbones, dusted with dark stubble, the way his eyes scanned the whole complex, fighting to take in every person, every ride.

Every threat.

He noticed he had my attention, blinking as he refocussed on me.

One eyebrow cocked upwards, some of that arrogant prick facade he clung to seeping back, but I just kept on staring.

He couldn’t drop the pretense, show me a whole other side of him, and expect me to believe him when he tried to go back to his old act of not giving a shit.

He did care, too much, which was something I knew a little about.

I watched his lips move, a question there, ready to be spoken over the rattle of the rollercoaster, through the vertiginous feeling of rolling down, then climbing back up again, when a loud yowl had our heads whipping around.

“I take it back,” Tor said, his knuckles white as he gripped the bar in front of him so hard he dimpled the metal. “I want off. I want off!”

“There’s no way off, only through.”

Mack’s voice was full of gruff authority, but when he glanced back at me again, the mask was down. Something naked and vulnerable shone there as we paused at the crest of the highest peak on the track, building the anticipation.

“You’re OK,” Tor snapped. “You get to hold Harper’s hand the entire time.”

I snorted, able to solve this problem at least. Rather than throw my arms up in the air to feel the momentum of the rollercoaster in every cell of my body, I reached back and took his hand. Kieran’s landed on my shoulder, and together we faced the rapid descent together.

What would it be like to experience life’s peaks and troughs together?

To know that no matter how scared you were, there was always someone there to hold your hand.

The idea was so foreign to me, I didn’t know how to respond.

Freed from customary patterns, instead my heart beat rapidly, making clear how it would be.

Being an eye witness to the chaos that resulted from my father leaving my mother made serious relationships seem like a mug’s game.

You let down your defences, allowed them in, for what?

Them taking a look at all the softest, squishiest parts of you.

I hugged the plush wolf closer. Then deciding you weren’t worth their time.

So why did Mum, why did I, keep on going back for more?

As we went hurtling down the track, I thought I knew. Because maybe, just maybe, someone would see the most vulnerable part of yourself and that would draw them closer, not repel them. Maybe they’d take that soft, soft part of yourself and hold it close, willing to defend it with their last breath.

I’d do that for Mack, that was kinda shocking to feel.

My fingers gripped his I felt his grip tighten.

I’d sit with Tor next time we went on a rollercoaster, reassure the tiger, the man, that even though this felt like danger, it wasn’t.

I’d throw myself on Kieran’s back, ride with him off into the sunset, if that’s what he wanted. I’d do it all and more.

And they’d do the same for me.

Mack looked a little confused, as if one of those animal instincts alerted him to the change in my heart.

Confused, but hopeful. The sun dropped low in the sky, staining it pink and orange, a beautiful gradient of so many shades I’d never be able to count them all.

I wanted to tell him, tell them, but the rollercoaster stole my breath from me, so instead I just smiled.

That turned into a grin as we stumbled free of the rollercoaster. My body was sure we’d just survived a catastrophe, but my brain was humming, simmering in a mixture of adrenaline and relief that felt a lot like pleasure.

“Again?” Tor asked, grinning from ear to ear.

“Again…?” Mack spluttered. “You dumb arse cat, you don’t even have the common sense of a moggy.”

“You OK?”

Kieran swam into view, his massive body blocking the sight of the others bickering.

“I’m fine, Bear Boy,” I said as I threw my arms around his neck and tugged him down. The wolf plushie was pressed into his back as he leant down to kiss me. “Though I gotta admit, if I had a choice of ride tonight, it wouldn’t be anything you line up and pay tickets for.”

“You’re the devil, you know.”

But with that I was hiked up and onto his back, his arm gripping my legs as he marched over to a strongman stall.

The man running it took one look at Kieran and went pale, taking his money grudgingly before letting him step up to the machine.

The bear shifter winked at me before winding up his arm, the man’s eyes going wide when he punched the bag attached to the sensor.

The stall holder was reaching for a stuffed bear before the numbers registered, handing it to me.

Kieran let out a whoop when he saw that the sensor registered at 9999, obviously unable to go any higher.

“So I thought tonight was about fun.” Tor sidled up to me and then poked the bear plushie in the eye. “Turns out it’s a whole mating display thing.”

“Mating display?” I said.

“You know, when the male birds start doing dances.” He sketched some very strange dance moves, much to my amusement. “Trying to convince the girl bird to mate with him.”

“So you’re the pretty boy bird?” I said. “And I’m the drab girl bird.”

“You’re the most beautiful bird of them all.” He looped my arm through his. “And you’re going to get a tiger stuffed toy to complete the set while you watch me throw some axes.”

My eyes widened as we lined up at the axe throwing booth.

“Are you sure you can be trusted with edged weapons?” I asked.

Tor’s grin revealed a series of sharp fangs. “Absolutely not,” he said cheerfully. “That’s what makes this fun.”

I snorted, ready to step back lest I get caught in the crossfire, but he dragged me up to the person running the stall. As she took his name, I said, “Do I need to sign a waiver or start prepping a first aid kit?”

“No need to worry.” He spun an axe between his fingers, the sharp blade making me wince. “Tigers are natural born hunters.”

“Of wooden bullseyes?” Kieran asked as he winked at me.

“Of hearts.” Tor winked at me. “Though I’ll settle for a tiger plushie that’s even bigger than the wolf and the bear, because we all know you like me the best.”

“Never gonna happen,” Mack drawled, crossing his arms and watching the proceedings.

“Nothing says romance like throwing sharp axes at a target,” I said.

Tor let the first axe fly.

Thunk.

He wasn’t even looking and it still hit the bullseye, people around us starting to get excited.

“OK, not bad,” I said.

“That’s just a warm up.”

Tor picked up another axe, tossing it almost negligently at the target. The tip buried itself into the red inner circle.

My eyes narrowed.

“You’ve done this before.”

He shrugged with faux innocence.

“Maybe.”

The third axe? Bullseye again. A small crowd started to form around us. I couldn’t help but smile at Tor’s showboating but also the secondhand pleasure. Yeah, look, I wanted to say to everyone, even though I never would. That’s my man tossing them axes.

My man.

“You’re showing off,” I said in my best grumpy voice.

“Obviously,” he replied, picking up another axe only to approach me, not the target. “What else am I going to do? Not try to impress my fated mate.”

There was a moment then, where it felt like we were back at school, but rather than being that girl that spent way too much time with the troublemakers, Tor and I were the popular kids everyone else couldn’t help but stop and stare at.

That was only exacerbated when he tilted my chin up with his free hand.

I thought he’d kiss me. I was starting to go up on my tiptoes, ready for it, but instead he tossed the axe over his shoulder and, sure enough, it hit the bullseye again.

Everyone clapped as his head dropped down.

Those green eyes danced with mischief, even as his tongue slid across his bottom lip.

“What do you think, little bird? Have I proven myself worthy yet?”

Part of me wanted to stay here forever, teetering on the precipice of something amazing, but never actually committing to it, but that’s not how life worked.

“Not asking you to jump yet, Harper.” That’s what he said to me when he took me to his family’s restaurant. “You’ll know when you’re ready and I’ll be right there with you, but… just gimme a chance to show you what’s possible.”

Maybe I wanted to do just that, see if he could catch me with the same effortless skill. My heart beat hard, fast, willing me to make a decision, but instead I popped up and pressed my lips to his.

Tor took over, an axe falling to the floor with a clatter as his hands cradled my jaw.

His mouth was hard, insisting my lips part to let him in.

That musky perfume of his made my head spin, as did his deep, hungry kisses, until someone cleared their throat dramatically.

The stall holder thrust a gigantic tiger at us, then waved us away.

“OK, so now I have a truly impressive menagerie of soft toys,” I said as my arms strained to hold each plushie. “Now what?”

Mack plucked them from my grip, tossing them all except the wolf to the others.

“Now you go on the bumper cars with me.” His grin was a relief to see. “You can help me take Tor out.”

“After I demonstrated my prowess with axes?” Tor spluttered. “No fair!”

“All’s fair in love and war,” I said with a shrug, skipping after Mack.