Page 10

Chapter ten

The Sinner

Dinah

I t’s been ten brutal days since the day I unwillingly agreed to do my father, and David’s, bidding in exchange for them obtaining medical attention for Abe and Zeke. Ten days of watching them suffer, as their wounds and broken bones were cared for and mended, all while I witnessed the destruction that was unleashed on them, because of the consequences of a choice I made selfishly. It’s also, to my dismay, been ten days of meager news on Sammy, and how he’s faring in Noah’s malignant hands. The only thing we know for sure at this point is that he’s still alive. For now, that has to be enough; all three of them are still breathing, even if they are broken for loving me.

I look across the solid cherry wood dining table, laid with priceless crystal goblets, crisp white linens, and fine china plates my father has insisted we use when taking our meals. The fucker demands that we behave civilly in the Holy Father’s compound, so that we appear as guests, and not trapped and abused captives, to the masses who are always watching. I almost objected, but the warning glint in David’s eyes cautioned me to keep my mouth shut for once.

Abe is once again doing all he can to avoid my gaze, even though I can’t stop staring at him to reassure myself that he’s alive and breathing. When he regained consciousness, it wasn’t happiness to see me that graced his face, it was despair. Little by little, every day since, he has done all he can to distance himself from me and Zeke. He flinches whenever either of us attempts to touch him, and barely speaks, lost in his own morose thoughts. Even though his injuries were severe and are healing, they don’t account for his current behavior. Have I lost my berserker for good? Only time will tell, but I hope not. I know that I deserve the way he’s treating me. I acted out irrationally, never weighing the consequences of my actions and who would pay for them. The monster inside of me craved violence and death, and now it is chastised, seeing how it has hurt Abe and Zeke in the process.

I scrutinize his healing bruises and cuts; the swelling in his eyes has faded to just a hint of a yellow-green tinge, the same with his jaw, and his red, swollen, broken nose. His hand is in a cast, and his healing ribs are bandaged below the stupid Brotherhood robe my father insists they both wear. He’s lost weight, preferring to push food around his plate, rather than eating it. I watch as he downs another glass of red wine, rapidly swallowing the contents in one go, as if he needs the numbness that it provides, before reaching out to clumsily pour himself another. That, combined with all the pain meds David is providing him, is causing him to become a hollow version of himself. Don’t shut me out, I’m so sorry. I love you.

My eyes trail to Zeke, who sits uncomfortably despite the plush chairs, due to his healing injuries. The bruises that mar his flesh are not the worst of his injuries; the whipping that he took ripped apart his golden skin, and caused an infection as it healed, that has only just subsided. He is in constant agony as his flesh mends, the wrappings binding him, keeping him safe, but also causing him immense pain. Like Abe, he’s been given pain pills to ease the discomfort, but unlike Abe, he’s refusing them. He’s worried about becoming dependent on them, and he doesn’t want my father to be able to use them against him.

Where Abe looks miserable to have survived, Zeke, on the other hand, is happy to be alive despite all that he has endured, and is relieved that we are all together, well, mostly together. They are still sequestered from me most of the day. The exception is meals, that are held jointly, and I was permitted to spend time with them when they were bedridden, but there were always loyal Brotherhood guards watching, like right now. My eyes trail across the walls of this opulent room, with its deep forest green and gold brocade wallpaper, rich wood moldings, ornate painted ceiling, and sparkling crystal chandeliers. The lavish lifestyle my father lives astounds me. I count five uniformed guards stationed within its depths, all of them armed to the teeth, and ready to shoot us at the slightest hint of provocation, or attempted escape. There is no escaping this hell, and even if I could take one or two down, Abe and Zeke are in no condition to help me. I tighten my grip on my butter knife as one of the guards gives me a raised questioning eyebrow, which I bare my teeth in response to. Let’s see if you would be so brave, if you didn’t have all those weapons, asshole.

“Is there anything new on Sammy? Have they disclosed where my father is holding him?” Zeke’s grim tone echoes my own frustration, at the lack of concrete information that we can use to find Sammy. Not that any of us are in any position to leave the Holy Father’s compound at the moment. “Nothing. They are keeping their cards close to their chests, to force me to do their bidding.” A snort leaves Abe, and has me immediately turning towards him and narrowing my glance in his direction, as he downs the new glass of wine. “Something to say, Abe?”

He pushes back from the table, and rises unsteadily to his feet with the help of a crutch, and a groan, which he attempts to swallow before gripping his side. “Just amused that you’re allowing them to force you into anything, Dinah. “ He shuffles away from the table, stopping in front of one of the guards. “I’m done here,” he utters quietly, but I hear the disdain in his tone. Dinah, not Atasi; he hasn’t called me that since the moment I allowed him to go down that hallway alone. Has he really lost all affection for me?

The guard escorts him from the room without a backward glance in our direction. Zeke reaches across the table to tangle his fingers through mine, squeezing them and giving me strength to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. I can’t show weakness in front of these Brotherhood men. They would enjoy my pain and misery. “He will come around, Snow. Something is going on with him. He’s not even speaking to me. I don’t know what they did to him when I was passed out, but based on his reactions, it can’t have been good, and no amount of asking him gets him to tell me what happened, and he’s having horrific nightmares, where he wakes up screaming and soaked in sweat.”

“Do you think he will leave us when all of this is over? Leave me?” My chest aches with the thought of losing him, of him walking away from me like he just did, without a backward glance. Will Zeke go with him? I don’t even know what ‘over’ would look like. I just know that I fear it, like a monster with long talons ready to tear me apart. Is that when the world is safe? I am not even sure that will ever be a possibility. Is it when all of us are dead? “Save... Abe, please.” Zeke’s words echo in my head, a living, waking nightmare that refuses to release me. Zeke tightens his grip on my fingers, his emerald eyes filled with sorrow as they stare into mine. “No, I don’t. He could no more leave you than he could me. He belongs to us, and he knows it. Whatever demons he’s fighting inside of his mind, we will just have to be patient until he wins out against them, and returns to us.”

I nod back, but I’m not convinced that Zeke is right. Whatever is happening with Abe may have significant consequences, and he may end up turning on us, or abandoning one or both of us to the Brotherhood. Do I believe that he would leave Zeke behind? No. Am I convinced that his love for me is as strong as it is for Zeke? Also, no , despite his previous declarations of love towards me, I know where his heart truly lies, and it’s with the man across the table from me, trying his best not to hurt my feelings. I think he knows it, too. If Abe had to choose between us, I’m sure he would choose Zeke, just like Zeke chose him not too long ago. The only person who I know with certainty would always pick me is Sammy, and he is somewhere out of my reach. I am utterly alone now.

Where are you, Sammy? I need you now more than ever.