Page 9

Rachel

“ S he’s mine”

“I never even wanted a mate”

“I would have picked a different…”

I don’t stick around long enough to hear the end of that one, but I know how it ends. A different mate. That was how he was going to finish. Because, of course, that’s what my first fated mate would do. What else could he say? Who could ever love someone as unloveable as me? Someone who killed her own mother. Someone whose own father couldn’t even stand to look at her. Someone who is a whore with four mates and good for nothing but bringing shame.

I race back to the dorm, tears blurring my eyes. I should have known better. Nothing good can come from getting to know my mates. But the pull was too strong. I couldn’t resist. And now I know. He doesn’t want me as much as I’ve always claimed I never wanted him.

I should be thrilled. So why does it feel like my heart’s being torn to shreds with just a few harsh words?

Heavy footsteps sound behind me, but I refuse to look back. It might not even be him. Why would he chase after me?

Unless it’s not him. What if it’s Bastian chasing me?

I heard what Lucas said. He’s a tiger . I have more than enough experience with pissed off tigers. I can’t let him catch me.

I burst into the dorm lobby, not even pausing to catch my breath as I sprint up the stairs. I won’t feel safe until I’m locked behind my bedroom door.

I slip into our dorm, thankful to beat the others home even after staying to sneak another look at my mate. Once in my room, I lock both doors before crumbling onto my bed and letting the tears fall.

And to think today started so promising. A day out with the girls, research for my big project, and an idea for an epic marketing package. Then I have to end it with my first bonded mate who hates me, and a potential mate who terrifies me just by existing.

Could it get any worse?

After crying myself to sleep last night, I wake up with a puffy red face and a splitting headache. It takes me several minutes to convince myself to get out of bed but when I do, I make my way over to the bathroom Maya and I share and go straight for the medicine cabinet. After tossing back a few pain relievers, I strip and get in the shower. The scalding hot water pelting my skin eases some of the tension I’ve been feeling since Lucas landed in my lap.

I can’t believe my luck. First with the stupid bolt tearing my leggings, then with Lucas falling on me like that. How the hell did he jump over the freaking wall?

I suppose it doesn’t matter now. However it happened, it sealed his fate. I’ll just have to avoid him like the plague and hope Father never finds out.

Turning off the water, I grab my towel and dry off before getting out of the tub. I freeze when I see the thin black swirling lines that make up the large wolf head on my upper thigh. Staring into the eyes of the wolf in the mirror takes me back to the moment just before Lucas marked me when we locked eyes. The tilt of the wolf’s head and the gleam in its eyes radiates the same happy-go-lucky energy of the man who left it there. Panic over takes me as my lungs seize. It feels like I can’t catch my breath as my mind races.

Rushing back into my room I frantically search for something to wear. I can’t look at his mark on my leg. I’m seconds away from a freaking meltdown. My kitsune whines and I know what I have to do. She won’t give me a second’s rest until I let her out for a run. I may be completely losing my shit over finding our first mate, but she’s ecstatic.

Hell, maybe going for a run will help both of us. I always feel calmer and more centered after a good run.

After getting dressed, I quietly open my door, planning to sneak out of the dorm before anyone else wakes up. Of course, I should have known my luck wouldn’t allow that. Dallas is sitting on the couch sipping a cup of coffee as she silently stares at my door.

“Wondered when you’d try to sneak out.”

“I-”

“Don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she interrupts. “The girls and I talked about what happened. We’re a little slow, so it took us a while to figure it out, but once we did, it all made sense.”

“Dallas-”

“I know you don’t want a mate. I wish I understood why, but I accept your wishes. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. I just want you to know we’re all here for you, Rach. If you ever do wanna talk about it. We won’t judge. We love you as you are. Mates or no. This doesn’t change anything. Ok? Not if you don’t want it to.”

“I wish it were that simple, D I wish anything was that simple,” I murmur.

“Life’s as simple or as difficult as you make it.” She shrugs. “When my parents died, I thought my life was over, too. How could I go on without them? I didn’t want to. So I acted out. I made my life and those around me harder than they needed to be. Aubree’s parents took me in and tried to give me the life they thought I needed. But for the longest time, I didn’t think I deserved it.”

She shakes her head sadly as she remembers the past. Taking another sip of her coffee, she raises an eyebrow at me before continuing.

“The point is, it’s your life. Only you can decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But either way, we’re here for you. If you want to completely avoid the subject and bury your head in the sand, pretending nothing happened, we can do that. If you want me to be your personal bodyguard to keep him away from you, I can do that, too. Because I promise you, no matter how you choose to react to this, he’s not going to act like you’re not his mate. No matter how much you may wish otherwise. But go ahead and go for a run and get your shit together, then come back and talk… or don’t.” Dallas shrugs and goes back to sipping her coffee.

I lose the ability to speak words or to form any sort of response really, so instead I take the opportunity presented and dash across the living room. Attempting not to slam the front door, I exit and make my way down the stairs, foregoing the elevators all together. Before I know it, I’m bursting out of the back door of the girls dorm and running for the forest edge. Once I can’t see anything but trees, I shift into my kitsune, releasing the reins for the first time in months. I haven’t made the time since I arrived at Eldergrove and back home, I wasn’t allowed. Father didn’t want to see my disgraceful form, so I could only let my kitsune out when he was away on business. Every now and then, I’d shift and just curl up in my kitsune form on my bed, but it’s not good for her not to run free.

The second the change takes over, she gains a larger presence in our shared mind and we go running through the woods as she chitters happily. I wish I could be as carefree as her as we race through the unfamiliar woods, jumping over rocks and logs. The snap of a twig rings out loud and our ear twitches as we focus on the sound. We cock our head to the left just in time to see a huge white wolf.

Is that the wolf from my dream?

It can’t be.

The wolf looks at me with sad blue eyes and I shrink back as he takes a step toward me. There’s a twinge in my chest that tells me I’m safe with this wolf, but I don’t understand it.

He tilts his head as if confused by my reaction before his eyes widen and he lies on the ground, rolling to expose his belly.

What the heck?

He’s not going to kill me?

My stupid kitsune doesn’t see the danger and ignores my inner screaming as she walks us right up to him and bumps his head with our nose.

This girl has no sense of self preservation.

As we walk by the scary wolf that could easily eat us, she swats him in the face with our tails. That’s when I notice that one of my tails has changed. It no longer matches the rest of my red fur. No, this tail is stark white and completely matches the wolf in front of us.

Lucas.

That’s why my fox feels so comfortable with him.

Our tails must tickle his nose because a chuff that could only be interpreted as a wolfy sneeze sounds behind us making us jump and turn, lowering ourselves, ready to pounce on the danger. Rolling back onto his legs, he stands and towers over us for just a moment before dropping into a play bow. His pointed ears stand at attention and instead of wagging his tail like a dog, I swear he’s swishing his entire butt. It takes me a minute to catch on, but my kitsune side is immediately ready and when he turns to run away, she pursues him. Jumping over a fallen log, we dart to the left, scaling another log to gain a height advantage over our massive friend. What we lack in speed we make up for in maneuverability. Making it to the top of the fallen log, we wait just a moment before pouncing.

Landing on the massive wolf's back takes my breath away. I’m still like twenty percent sure he only wants to eat us, but my kitsune is so damn proud of herself for catching her ‘prey’ and I’m having a hard time pulling us away. The wolf rolls out from beneath us and darts off in another direction. He’s only about ten yards away when he stops and looks back at us.

Does he want us to follow him?

Against my better judgement, we do. Another fifty or so yards of bobbing and weaving through the forest, we come to an opening. Just beyond the edge of the tree line is a short sandy beach and then a huge lake.

Why isn’t this on the map? It’s beautiful!

I must have been mesmerized by the lake for longer than I thought because when I look to where the wolf once stood in his place, now sits Lucas. He has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone and something tells me that’s saying a lot for him. I get the sense this is a man who smiles often.

Unlike my father.

“Hey. Where’d you go, pretty girl?” His teasing voice snaps me out of the depressing thoughts of my father and back to the present.

Okay. Looks like we’re having a conversation now. Guess I better shift back.

One second, I feel free in my kitsune form and the next I’m back to my normal, neurotic human self. For a while there, I was happy to be in my mate’s presence. Something I never thought I’d feel. Now, as if simply changing forms brings back all my worries, I lose all the levity of our playful chase.

He must know what I am now. And if he knows anything about my kind, he’ll know what my tails signify. He’ll hate me as much as my father does. No man wants to share his mate.

“If you’re going to kill me, I’d rather you just get it over with, please.” I sit down next to him and draw my legs up to my chest, hugging them tight.

He lets out a shocked gasp. “Kill you? Why on earth would I do that?”

“Because you don’t want me as a mate.” I shrug. “I’ve heard it’s better than just rejecting the bond. You might even get a new mate with me out of the picture.”

My heart shatters as I say the words, but I don’t let him see how much the thought hurts me.

“Oh, pretty girl.” He shakes his head as he slowly scooches closer to me. “I would never hurt you. You're my Moonbeam, my guiding light. I could never cause you harm, because harming you would be like willingly shredding my own soul.”

“But I have four mates. I’m a slut. How could you want me?” I bury my face in my hands, unable to meet his eyes.

“You’re not a slut! Who called you that?” The anger in his voice makes me shrink in on myself more.

“My father, it’s been his favorite ever since he saw my kitsune for the first time. He said my fox was nothing but a little whore flaunting her promiscuity around.”

“Moonbeam, look at me,” his voice is gentle but firm as he uses one hand to lift my chin. “I don’t care if you have enough mates to form our own damn baseball team. I am yours and you are mine.”

He declares it with such a finality that I can’t help but lean into his touch. I believe it, even if only for a moment. Maybe he does want me. It’s possible I won’t be alone forever, and that thought makes a smile break out on my face.

“Fates, you’re gorgeous when you smile,” Lucas says. “Can I kiss you Moonbeam?”

I feel my eyes widen in shock and I can’t find the words to say yes, so I just nod. Before my nod even ends, his lips are on mine. Soft and plush, his kiss makes the mate bond in my soul light up. It’s over as quickly as it began and he releases my face before throwing his arm over my shoulder and tucking me into his side.

I’ve never felt this safe before.