Page 42 of Bartered by the Shadow Prince (Bargain with the Shadow Prince #3)

The Deal

ELOISE

“ I t’s dangerous to go into the Darklands with a heavy heart.” Catarina shakes her head. I’ve spent days trying to convince her to help me descend without Damien’s support, but once again, she refuses.

“My heart isn’t heavy,” I protest.

She waves a hand at me. “Nonsense. You and your mate are clearly at odds, and your disposition betrays your bitterness. Everything you feel here will translate there, Eloise. It all goes with you. It will weigh you down and reduce your chances of success. On the contrary, with his love and support, your chances of survival greatly improve.”

I squint at her. “How do you know so much about this anyway? You talk about descending to the shadowpath as if you’ve done it before.”

“I have.” She sips her tea. “All of the most powerful witches in Dimhollow have. It is how we become Wisewomen.”

“You all face Thanesia?”

She laughs so hard she spits a bit of tea across the table.

“Darkness, no. We simply descend, walk the path, pay our respects, and return. We would never dream of asking her for anything. However, everyone who walks the path and succeeds in reaching Thanesia returns with something they didn’t have before. ”

“She rewards you with gifts?”

“Sometimes wisdom. Sometimes power.”

I drum my fingers on the table. “Is walking the path difficult?”

Catarina’s gaze meets mine. “On the shadowpath, you will be confronted with your darkest fears and your deepest wounds. If you’ve made peace with your life, with your mistakes, with your trauma, the walk will be manageable.

You will face these things the way you’ve faced them in life.

But if you’ve never faced your demons before, you may find it difficult indeed. ”

My mood grows more somber. Have I faced all my inner demons? Honestly, I feel like I’ve been too distracted with my outer demons.

“If Aurora was right, we are on borrowed time. The fate of Dimhollow and Stygarde could hinge on me accessing my power. How can I get Damien to agree to this when he’s refused so many times?”

Catarina reaches across the table and takes my hand.

“I have never been without my magic. We are born with it. Most babies in our community can rock their own cradle with their power by the time they are twelve weeks old. I don’t know how I’d feel if it were ripped away like yours was.

I imagine you are in much pain. I know that if your mate truly understood that pain, he would allow you to go. ”

“Meaning, you think I should show it to him? Be more open about how it’s killing me to be separated from it.”

She nods. “The truth is almost always the best medicine.”

“Thank you. Even though I’m frustrated that you won’t help me without him, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Catarina.”

She smiles. “You’re welcome. It’s been enjoyable getting to know a dragon in the flesh. I’ll be interested to see how your power changes with your walk.”

We finish our tea in relative silence. Despite her refusal to help me, I like Catarina.

I’d only met Aurora as part of the trial, and that was a magical echo of her.

Not the real person. But remarkably, I find that Catarina shares many of her characteristics.

There’s a warmth to her, a vibe. She rests in her power like a spider in her web.

She’s welcoming and hospitable, but you always have in the back of your mind that she could easily ensnare you, that the size of her is far bigger than she appears.

“He loves you,” she says as I make my way out of her home. “This tug-of-war between you will never end. You are bound. The only way for either of you to move forward is to move together.”

I think about that all the way back to the cottage where we’re staying. I can’t call this place home. Right now, I can’t call anywhere home.

When I open the door, Damien is there, sitting at the table in front of the fire. I hate the way my heart sinks when I see him. Once, I would’ve given anything for five minutes with him. Now, I brace myself, ready for a fight. It’s exhausting.

“You’ve never been a good liar,” he says gruffly.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“The lie is on your face, in the way you won’t meet my eyes. You stand there, but you’re not here. You’re with me, but you’re not with me.”

I lunge forward, catching myself on the table and baring my fangs. “What if I don’t want to be with you? What if I’m beginning to think this cottage isn’t big enough for both of us?”

He stands, growling. “You only say that because I won’t give you what you want.”

“You won’t let me have what I need , Damien.

You keep treating this like it will all just go away, like we can move far enough for long enough to escape our problems. You act like I can just forget that I’ve been cut off from a vital part of myself.

We will never escape this. Eventually, we’ll have to face it.

I just hope I don’t hate you by the time we do. ”

He’s gone. One second there, the next broken into dark mist as if my words have shattered him.

He blows into me like he has so many times before when his feelings are heightened, his shadow self circling, tightening around me.

All I can see is darkness. All I can smell is him.

It’s suffocating. But then he forms in front of me, one hand on the small of my back and the other gripping my jaw.

“You don’t want to be with me?” His voice turns dark and deep. “You hate me for not letting you die?”

I say nothing, just stare at him defiantly. He knows I don’t want to die. He’s just trying to get a rise out of me.

“You’re right to hate me,” he says softly, his nose pressed against mine, his breath brushing my lips. “I deserve every ounce of flame you throw at me, my little dragon.”

What? I lift my chin, breaking his hold on it

“I am sorry, sorry enough that I wouldn’t blame you for leaving.

Sorry enough that my chest aches with it.

” He backs gently away from me, turning toward the fire and sliding his hands into the pockets of his suit.

The way the material drapes on him, it’s as if even his clothing has given up.

“It’s an impossible task, you know, loving you.

Death is your true lover, always inviting you in for a closer kiss.

I’ve been trying to fight him off from the day you called me, but his scent clings to your skin.

I almost expect to see his scythe leaning against the bed. ”

“I’ve been with no one but you, Damien. If I smell like death’s lover, maybe you should take a whiff of yourself.”

My blood runs hot in my veins, but I can’t deny that I’m feeling something else, another heat low within me.

We haven’t made love since he rescued me from the elves, and my body is humming with need.

The anger I’m feeling, the heat steeping my bones, it just adds to my desire to get physical.

It feels like I want to hit him. What I really want is to fuck him.

“I was wrong to think that I could stop you,” he says toward the fire, and the confession catches me off guard in its sincerity. “I realize now that I cannot. To keep you is to cage you, to cage something wild and free. I can’t keep you here any more than I could box the moonlight.”

“What are you saying?” The words snap out from me like a whip, weary of arguing my point again and again.

With his head bowed, he turns his chin to catch my eye.

“I’m saying, I’ll do whatever you want me to do to help you get your power back.

I’ll watch you die if I must. I’ll guard your body as it grows cold and hold my heart together when it breaks.

I’ll advocate for you to the witches.” His last words are barely a whisper.

The firelight glints off the moisture in his eyes.

He’s on the verge of tears, but none fall.

Those silvery-blue eyes of his have gone almost flat, as if a tiny piece of him has had to die for him to give me this.

I feel it down the bond between us; the cord that was previously as tight as a wire is now slack, like he’s opened the door of a cage and is just waiting for the bird inside to fly away.

My heart may not beat any longer, but it softens. I take a step toward him, wanting to confirm that this is real, that he won’t change his mind again. He just looks at me with such sadness that a lump the size of a large stone wedges in my throat.

“You are a grown woman, Eloise, and have proven yourself to be a worthy warrior. Please forgive me. I don’t think I can handle you leaving me.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“No. You simply don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I want to be here.” I take his face in my hands. Softly, I brush my lips against his. He releases a heavy breath and then takes me in his arms. His mouth turns more demanding, urgently coaxing mine open, his tongue stroking along my own. I groan as the kiss grows deeper.

He roughly unbuttons my coat and shoves it off my shoulders, and then he works on the bindings at my waist. With his lips sliding to my ear and along my neck, a rush of heat dances across my pale skin.

I push off his jacket and unbutton his shirt, breaking the kiss only long enough for him to pull it down his arms.

Our mouths are at war now, tongues thrashing, teeth clashing. He backs toward the bed, and my top goes flying. Wings unravel from his back, his skin flushing black. Horns twist straight up from his head. His inner beast doesn’t scare me. It’s never scared me.

I strip out of the rest of my clothing, and then we collide.

It feels so good to be skin-to-skin with Damien.

I trail my kisses along his chest. He’s so much taller than me in this form, I have to stretch up to link my hands behind his neck.

He drops to his knees in front of me, skimming his lips along my lower abdomen.

“What can I do to make it up to you, little bird?” He licks along my center, sending a flare of heat through me.

Goddess, I’m already so wet, his mouth is slick with me when he pulls back.

His shadows dance along my inner thighs and up my back.

They tangle, cool and soothing, in my hair, against my scalp.

“Take me,” I say. “Show me how much you missed me while I was gone.”

His wings beat, and he rises, sweeping me off my feet and pressing my back against the wall. “Should I take you hard and fast, the way I felt when I killed those elves to get to you? Should I show you the panic I experienced at the sight of your blood in that room?”

The tip of him swells against my opening, but he holds me in place, doesn’t enter me. “I wouldn’t stop you. I know it must have been hard for you.”

He kisses along my throat to my ear. “Or maybe I should take you to that bed and show you the fear I felt the moment I recognized you’d been taken from me. Hold you down and cover you with my body until I know that, for just this moment, you are safe and you are mine.”

“I am both of those things, Damien.”

“For now.” He leans down and teases one of my breasts with his teeth and his tongue. I dig my hands into his hair and squirm. He’s the only one who can ease this ache between my legs. I want him in me. But he holds me where I am. I settle, and our gazes tangle and lash.

“No. None of those will do. I’ll make love to you like the man I am, one who believes in you and wants a future with you. One who is your partner, not your savior. Not your king. Not your servant.”

He pushes into me, my back sliding down the wall until he fills me completely. For a second, I can’t breathe. I’m stretched and full, my heart thumping and my hunger eased. But then I need more. He begins to move in me, even as he transforms to his more human form, and we align face-to-face.

“I don’t mind your beast,” I say.

“I don’t mind yours either, even when you’re growling at me like you might rip my throat out.”

I laugh, and he thrusts into me harder, threading his fingers into mine and lifting my hand above my head. The stretch opens up my chest, allows me to feel every inch of him against every inch of me.

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” he mumbles into my hair.

I press my forehead to his. “We’re bound, Damien. The only way we move forward is together.”

He increases his pace, pounding into me harder and faster until I wonder if the entire village can hear us. And when the cascade of white light sends my eyes closed and head back, he goes with me, emptying himself as he releases a series of shaky breaths.

Afterward, he walks me to the bed and lays us down, holding me to him. The fire crackles, and sleep teases me closer in the warmth of his embrace.

“Did you mean what you said about moving forward together?” he asks softly against my temple.

“Yes. Why?”

“Because I’m going with you into the Darklands, Eloise. When you descend, I’m going too.”