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Chapter Sixteen

Chelsea

Dallas held my hand as we walked along the street toward Powell Tower.

The night was cool. A steady flow of traffic passed us by.

The other guys walked behind us, Storm and Frost talking about training and next Friday night's game.

"Can I tell you something?" Dallas asked.

"Of course you can," I said. "Anything." He looked pensive, but I wasn't worried.

There was nothing he could say that would bother me, or that I wouldn't support. Nothing I could think of, anyway.

"I don't feel bad about what I did to her," he admitted. "India, I mean. If she was involved in what your brother said she was involved in, then she kind of, I dunno, deserved it. Especially if she would have done that to you. Traffic you." He shuddered. "Is that wrong? I shouldn't feel good about what I did."

"I don't think it's wrong at all," I said. "I feel bad for not seeing who she was. Maybe I could have prevented her from doing what she was doing."

How many people had she trafficked without me having a clue? I couldn't help feeling responsible for whatever happened to them while I was oblivious.

How many lives had she ruined while I got on with mine?

I couldn't bring myself to be sad she was dead either. People like her brought misery to other people. She wouldn't have been out of place chained in my brother's workroom. He would have had fun with someone like her. Teaching her to suffer the way her victims suffered, and might still be suffering.

"Don't feel bad," he told me. "I met her, she seemed nice. I wouldn't have expected her to do what she did either. I guess that's why she got away with it. It's easy to suspect bad people of being bad, not nice ones."

"Maybe I was too trusting," I said. It wasn't usually like me to take people at face value, but with her, I had.

And people suffered because of it.

"It's tiring being suspicious of everyone," he said. "Besides, you had a lot going on in your life. Work and study. No one expects you to pick up on everything all the time."

"I grew up here. I should have better developed instincts for things like that. Especially when she was right there, in front of my face." I sighed softly, my breath misting the air in front of me.

I expected it of myself, but the more I thought about it, the more that didn't make sense. He was right, I couldn't be tuned in to everything all the time. I was exhausted so often from being so busy, I probably missed a million cues before lunchtime.

Okay, nowhere near that, but I should have been more aware. I would be more aware from now on.

"She's not in front of your face anymore," he said.

"She won't be able to do that to anyone else." He sounded almost proud of himself now.

"Because of you." I squeezed his hand. "Because you stayed to listen to her. Because your gut told you she couldn't be trusted, and you listened to it."

Why did mine let me down so badly?

Was there anyone else I shouldn't trust that I hadn't picked up on yet?

For about half a second, I thought of the guys, but immediately dismissed it.

I knew I could trust them.

There was no doubt in my mind.

Obviously, I could trust my brother, and his partners.

I could trust Divina and Sadie.

Apart from them, there was no one else.

I liked Daisy Lasalle, but trust her?

Not completely. Not when she was happy to drag me back into this crazy lifestyle.

I sure as hell wouldn't trust anyone with the last name Brantley. Caleb Brantley might be the worst, but I wouldn't turn my back on any of them.

I was just as likely to find a knife between my ribs if I did.

"Yeah," he said softly.

"Something about her was off."

"She was just about to cash in on a big payday and walk away from Flirts," I said.

"She got sloppy. She got confident and it got her killed. If she played it cool, like she always had with me, she might not have given you an excuse to kill her."

What was she thinking, lunging at him?

Even if she was skilled and took him by surprise, he was so much bigger than her.

Fit, strong and athletic.

With a ruthless streak he displayed on the field all the time.

"And she'd still be doing what she was doing." He grimaced. "I'm glad she got cocky."

He huffed out a breath.

"I can still feel her blood on my hand. It was so warm and…sticky. The smell of it is still in my nose. Her scream… The sounds she made when she died. Everything after that is a blur, but those are crystal-clear in my brain. I keep playing them over and over in my head. They won't stop replaying. Sometimes it's in slow motion, moment by moment, like time slowed down. Sometimes it's a flash of everything that happened in a heartbeat. Sometimes I dream about it and it feels more real than reality."

"That sounds confronting," I said softly.

"It is," he said. "But I don't hate what I did. I… I don't think I'd hate what I did if she was innocent." The last came out as a whisper.

"You liked killing her?" I asked.

I didn't see a need to dance around the question. He wanted to talk about it, so I'd be direct, giving him the chance to do the same.

"I felt powerful," he said.

"I felt…like it was over too fast. When it rushes through my mind, I try to slow it down and live it again and again. The look in her eyes as her life faded away. I never want to forget that. I know , that's fucked up."

"She wasn't innocent," I reminded him.

I didn't want him to torment himself for enjoying what he did. He wasn't the first person I knew who enjoyed killing.

He probably wouldn't be the last. Him, my brother and Frost were in good company, especially in Dusk Bay.

"No, but what if next time it is an innocent person?" he asked. His voice wavered.

"You're not the sort of person who is going to kill indiscriminately," I said. "She came at you and you reacted. An innocent person isn't going to do that." At least, I hoped they wouldn't.

"What were you supposed to do anyway? Let her kill you?"

"No, but, what if I lose control?" he asked.

"You know there's times I have to fuck you or I'll lose my mind. All I can think of is being inside you. It's like the whole world disappears and the only thing that matters is your pussy. Or your mouth. What if that happens, but instead of fucking, I need to kill?"

"Are you worried you'll kill me?" I asked.

Was that what this was about?

I knew how he was when it came to fucking.

He held nothing back, even if he'd only just come inside me. Every time he fucked me was like the first time. Always energetic, bordering on desperation. Addiction. I loved every moment of it. But if that turned into a need to kill, he'd be dangerous as hell.

He stopped and turned to me, horrified.

"I would never do that. I'd throw myself off the top of Powell Tower before I hurt you."

"But you're worried about it anyway," I said.

"That you'll do it without thinking, then realise what you've done."

He hung his head.

"I'm scared," he whispered. "I can't lose it around you. Not like that. Right now, all I want to do is push you up against the wall and fuck you like hell, but what if it's more?"

I placed my hands on his cheeks and pulled his face down to mine. "That won't happen," I said firmly.

"I know you better than that. You're not going to snap and kill me. Besides, like my brother said, I can take care of myself. And there's five other guys who'd stop you anyway." I jerked my head to where they'd all stood, watching us carefully.

He glanced over to them. "They'd kill me." Rather than looking scared at the idea, he seemed relieved. Content to know while they were around, there were lines he couldn't cross even if he completely lost his mind. They'd be there to hold him back if he couldn't do it himself. Like a safety net under a tightrope walker.

"Probably," I agreed. "But you won't give them a reason to. What happened with India, was one moment. If you want to feel that powerful again, I'm sure my brother can arrange for you and Frost to work with him. You can work through your rage with people who deserve it. You'll find a way to keep it contained. Okay?"

I looked him in the eyes, my gaze firm, waiting for a response. In the back of my mind, I was fully aware regular people didn't have conversations like this. Organising my brother to let my boyfriends kill people just for the fun of it. On the other hand, maybe it was more normal than I realised. In this city at least, it probably was.

"Okay," he whispered. "I want that. I don't want to hurt anyone who's innocent. Not you, not anyone." He shook his head slightly, but he was trembling again, pent-up emotions threatening to overflow.

"I know you don't," I said. "You're a good man, Dallas Gregory. Being a little bit morally grey doesn't change that. It doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you." I pressed my lips to his.

"I love you too." He kissed me back. "You really think I'm a good man? That morally grey bit sounds more accurate." His hazel eyes scanned back and forth, taking in my expression, uncertainty in his gaze.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say morally grey is awesome," Frost remarked.

"Fuck yeah it is," Atlas agreed. "Life is too short to be too much of a goody-goody."

"No one would ever accuse you of being a goody-goody," Storm told him. "Me either, come to think of it. Fuck that. I'd be bored out of my brain in about three seconds flat."

"Me too," Frost agreed.

"Same," Ramsey said.

"It's not so bad," Jay deadpanned.

We all turned to stare at him.

He shrugged, barely containing a smile. "Someone has to be the goody-goody around here. It's none of you, so why can't it be me?"

"Because we know you better than that," Atlas told him. "I do anyway. Love you bro, but you ain't a goody-goody. In fact, I think Team Morally Grey might be appropriate for all of us."

"I'll get onto ordering the jackets," Frost joked. "I know the T-shirt version exists. I've seen them on social media."

"Is it something you want to announce to the world?" I asked.

"Definitely," Frost agreed. "Morally grey and proud of it."

"I don't think the team would like that too much," I said.

He hesitated for a moment, then made a face. "You're right. They wouldn't. Killjoys. Fine, I'll keep my morally grey personality under wraps until I retire. After that, I make no promises."

"Don't worry." Storm wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "We know what you're like. You can be out, loud and proud around us."

Frost leaned against him and grinned. "You guys are the best."

"Hell yeah we are," Storm agreed.

"Let's go home," Dallas said. "If I don't fuck Chelsea soon, my balls are going to explode." He looked pained.

"We don't want that," I said. "That would be messy."

"Yeah." He took my hand and we resumed walking.