Page 27 of Bad Luck Bride (Scandal at the Savoy #3)
“Of course. We could go live in a flat in Soho or Lambeth and save a few hundred pounds. But that’s a drop in the bucket, given what we owe.
And when your little sister is finally going to make her come out after two years of waiting, and you’re hoping a successful season will enable her to find a worthy husband, you need a respectable address.
After all, what gentleman is going to call on a young lady living in some dingy little flat above a store?
And don’t tell me love would conquer all, because we both know it wouldn’t. ”
“But surely you have relations somewhere who can help—”
“Most of them are distant cousins we hardly know and most are as strapped as we are. You know how hard things are for those who make their income from land rents. Anyway, Giles kindly offered to let us make our home with him, but somehow, I just couldn’t stomach the idea of living in the same house with the man who had once jilted me for being a slut. ”
He grimaced.
“Giles’s wife,” she went on mercilessly, “didn’t seem to like the idea much, either.”
“What about your friends?”
“Most of our friends turned their backs on us when I became damaged goods. It’s better now than it was eleven years ago.
Time has enabled me to become somewhat rehabilitated.
But even so, how can I ask those who slammed their doors in my face then to take me in now?
Even if they agreed, it would be humiliating.
” She shook her head. “We’ve attended house parties whenever possible, of course, but there haven’t been many invitations there, as you might imagine. ”
“Then where have you been living since your father died?”
“We lived on the estate at first, but of course Giles wanted to move his own family in. We could have taken a cottage somewhere, but we’ve been living in hotels instead, because it’s less expensive that way.”
“Less expensive? That’s not possible.”
She gave him a brittle smile. “It is when you’re able to duck out and move on without paying the bill.”
Her cheeks burned at the confession, for she knew how wrong it was. “For the past year, we’ve been all over England, going from hotel to hotel and avoiding our creditors. But then, I met Wilson at the Henley Regatta, and he took a shine to me. When he proposed, it was like the answer to a prayer.”
Devlin studied her for a long moment, his mouth a grim line. “And you think Rycroft is a good way out of the mess?”
“No, Devlin,” she said, her voice hard to her own ears, “I think he’s the only way.
But if you’ve any other suggestions, I’m willing to listen.
Being a woman, I can’t run off to Africa or some other outpost of empire to make my fortune.
And with my sordid past, no one would hire me to be a governess or lady’s maid.
Perhaps I could work in the Savoy laundry or be a chambermaid?
Perhaps my mother could indulge her talent for drama and become an actress?
Oh, wait, I know!” she added with bright, biting sarcasm.
“Josephine could become a nursery governess. That would bring in about fifteen quid a year, and we wouldn’t have to pay for her food and lodgings.
Someone might be willing to hire her to care for their children, because unlike me, she’s unsullied. ”
Devlin looked away, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “God, Kay,” he muttered.
“Don’t you dare pity me!” she ordered fiercely.
“I’m not. I just…” He paused and took a breath. “I just wish I’d known.”
“And if you had known, what difference would it have made? What could you have done for me?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
“Exactly,” she said, his silence making her point with painful clarity.
“There are only two ways a man can help a woman out of a situation like mine—one honorable and one not—and neither of those solutions would have been acceptable to either of us. Besides, I’d have refused any form of help from you, honorable or otherwise, because I hated you as much as you hated me. ”
“Still, you don’t have to do this, Kay. You don’t have to marry Rycroft. I can give you a loan.”
That was more than she could bear. “No. I’d never be able to pay you back.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. I won’t take charity from my friends.
Do you think I’d take it from you? As for these,” she added, snatching the sheaf of bills out of his hands, “my engagement has been formally announced, so I will be able to pay them. Banks, I have discovered, are quite willing to loan you heaps of money when you’re officially engaged to an American millionaire.
And everything will be all right once I marry Wilson.
The marriage settlement will pay off all our debts, and my family will never have to worry about money again. Josephine’s future will be secure.”
“It’s not worth it, Kay.”
“Not worth what? Missing a party or two?”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. It’s not worth selling yourself.”
“I am doing no such thing!” she cried, affronted.
“No? Are you so much in love with Rycroft, then?”
That question felt like a blow to the chest, and it took her a moment to reply.
“I’m very fond of Wilson,” she said at last, her voice prim as any maiden aunt’s. “And he’s very fond of me.”
“So, no, you’re not in love with him.”
She made a sound of impatience and looked away. “I’m fighting for my family’s future as best I can.”
“By capitulating to a man you don’t love who is a controlling, domineering bully?”
She set her jaw and looked at him again. “Your rudeness never ceases to surprise me.”
“Don’t make this about me,” he said, seeing right through her. “The point is you are choosing to marry a man just like your father. The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
That stung, mainly because she’d thought that exact same thing as she’d watched her mother cave to Wilson’s wishes about the soiree.
“A man who can control you is what you know,” he went on. “It’s what you’re used to, what you understand. And I would imagine doing this is also a very good way to—how shall I put it?—atone for what you see as your own past sins.”
She opened her mouth to reply, but the furious denial she wanted to offer stuck in her throat, because he was right, damn him.
“My motives are my own business,” she said, striving not to show he’d hit a nerve.
“And whether Wilson is like my father or not is irrelevant. We may not be love’s young dream, but Wilson is the only man who has offered me marriage since Giles threw me over.
He’s the only chance to marry I’ll ever have. ”
“You don’t know that. And even so—”
“As for your accusation of selling myself,” she cut in, “marrying for a dowry is a time-honored and perfectly acceptable tradition. Many women and men have done it,” she added as he turned away with an oath of exasperation and started for the door. “When they’ve had no other choice.”
“What you really mean,” he shot over his shoulder, “is that the choice you’re making is one your mother and society would approve of. You care far more about pleasing others than you do pleasing yourself.” He paused by the door and turned to look at her. “You always have.”
“I am working to ensure that my family is safe, secure, and happy,” she countered, baffled—not for the first time—by his selfish outlook on life. “What is wrong with that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with it, unless it’s always at your own expense.”
“Well, you’ll have to forgive me, but I happen to like being safe and secure, too!
I like knowing I won’t have to spend my life ducking creditors.
I like being able to pay my bills for a change.
And it is a great comfort to me to know that my mother, my sister, and my future children will be taken care of.
But you’re right about one thing, Devlin.
You’re right to point out that the more things change, the more they stay the same, because I remember us having a very similar conversation to this one fourteen years ago.
I remember you persuading me to rebel, to put my own happiness first and run off with you, a selfish decision that, despite the fact that I changed my mind, ended up costing me everything. ”
“And you don’t think marrying this man will cost you at least as much, and perhaps far more?” He turned to open the door, shaking his head as if he was as baffled by her point of view as she was by his.
“What’s it to you?” she cried. “Even if all you say is true, what difference does it make to you what I do or who I choose to marry? After all this time, why do you care?”
He stopped at the question, but he didn’t reply straightaway. Instead, his gaze raked slowly down over her, and when he looked into her face again, something in the brilliant depths of his eyes made Kay’s heart slam against her ribs with enough force to rob the breath from her lungs.
“Damned if I know, Kay,” he muttered as he turned and walked out. “Damned if I know.”