Page 7

SEVEN

WORTH IT

I ’d texted the girls I was running late and told them I’d meet them at Brunch Snob.

Along the way, I did my best, but my best wasn’t good enough.

So when I finally arrived and swung into my seat in the kickass establishment (my chair having the word cutie on the back, others had tasty , sexy , naughty , queen and the like, the décor part of why Brunch Snob was the greatest, the fabulous food and drinks did the rest), I knew I hadn’t tamped down my shit mood that Eric had taken off… again …leaving me high and dry and totally confused.

I knew this, because the instant Luna got a load of me, she remarked, “Methinks someone didn’t sleep so great.”

The server showed, and I said, “Latte. Hot. Full fat. And your poutine.”

I hadn’t even looked at the menu.

But that day was a poutine day, for certain.

The girls all had drinks, but they ordered food when I did, and the server took off.

I launched in.

“Eric told me we’d talk last night, but I heard nothing from him. I thought he was playing games, and that’s bullshit. So I texted him.”

“He didn’t text back?” Harlow asked, looking and sounding deflated.

“No. My text barely took off before he phoned me.”

Harlow’s face lit up with a bright smile.

“We then got into the heavy, as seems our usual,” I went on. “We talked about Eric’s ex-wife?—”

“Eric’s been married?” Luna asked, and she was looking and sounding shocked.

I nodded. “Big time chef. And crazy bitch. She didn’t want to lose him. But she also didn’t want a healthy marriage. She wanted him hanging in the wings while she worked on her professional dreams every waking hour of the day, not even connecting with him by replying to his texts. And she expected they’d hire a nanny when she popped out his kids. Eric wasn’t down with that, so he ended it before they had any kids.”

“She is a crazy bitch,” Luna agreed. “I mean, I get being into your career, but is the woman blind?”

Eric was a lot more than just gorgeous.

A whole lot.

Which was part of my current shitty mood.

“Then we got to talking about Jeff,” I continued.

They all leaned in to hear me share more about my beloved brother who I’d never shared much about.

I couldn’t freak out about that. I had to get the Eric shit out of the way so I could focus on finding said beloved brother.

“And I got overwhelmed by it. I didn’t want to share that with him, so I hung up on him.”

“Oh, Jessie,” Harlow murmured.

“Nope,” I said. “That’s not the bad part. The bad part is, I went into my zone so I could deal and get to the other side of it. And while I was doing it, Eric showed at my place.”

“Oh, Jessie,” Harlow chirped on an audible happy-clap.

“He picked me up, got in bed with me and held me, and we got even deeper about Jeff and life. And I started crying when he told me Jack did right by Rose in sacrificing himself for the chance she’d survive.”

“Holy shit,” Raye whispered.

“Yeah, that was when I started crying,” I stated.

“I didn’t think you were a crier,” Luna noted.

“I’m not. But, bitch, when I told him he didn’t have to come all the way over to my pad to be with me in my shitty zone, he said Jack did right by Rose in sacrificing himself. What was I supposed to do with that?”

“I’m not a crier either, and that’d make me cry,” Luna replied.

“It doesn’t make me cry. Jack totally could have gotten on the door with her,” Harlow said huffily. “I mean, they barely even tried .”

I ignored Harlow. She was totally a happily-ever-after-at-all-costs girl.

“Right,” I agreed with Luna. “So, he’s open, has no trouble sharing, doesn’t regret his divorce because he loved his wife, and said he’d regret not giving it a shot with a woman he loved. He listens. He’s great with silence. And I fell asleep in his arms in my bed.”

“Awesome,” Harlow whispered, over her slight tiff about the door, her dark-brown eyes were shining bright and happy.

“Then I woke up and he was gone. No note. No text. And I’ve been awake for two and half hours. Still no text or call.” I threw up my hands. “I mean, what the fuck is going on with this guy?”

“Have you, per chance, asked ?” Raye queried hesitantly.

“No, because then he might tell me we’re just friends,” I returned.

“Which means, you asking puts your ass out there that you want more, only for him to say he doesn’t,” Luna added.

“Exactly!” I cried. At this point, the server put my latte down, and I didn’t look at her as I said a heartfelt, “ Thank you ,” picked it up and took about seven sips.

In other words, I was in such a tizzy all morning, I hadn’t bothered making myself a mug o’ joe.

“Maybe she needs a mimosa,” Raye suggested, eyeing me.

I put my mug in its saucer. “I don’t need a mimosa. I need my senses sharp when we talk to Jeff’s buds.”

The server took off.

“You want me to ask Cap to feel Eric out?” Raye offered.

“No. I don’t want Cap in the middle of this,” I refused.

Translation: I didn’t want Cap to know I had it bad for his colleague. That would be embarrassing. And it’d suck. Because then I’d have to start avoiding Eric, and Cap, and all of them, which would mean I’d need a new job because they all showed at SC on the regular.

Raye read my translation so she remarked, “This isn’t high school, Jess. You aren’t fifteen, neither is Eric. You can both survive knowing where you stand and sharing the same friends and eventually getting over it.”

“Thanks so very much, Ms. I-Got-My-Hot-Guy-So-I’m-Never-Gonna-Be-In-That-Kind-Of-Shit-Place-Again,” I retorted.

“It is a yucky place,” Harlow asserted. “I mean, sure, they’d both get over it. But it wouldn’t be fun until that happened.”

“You’re in a mood, so I hesitate to say this, but it has to be said,” Luna began.

I swung narrowed, warning, indeed-I- am -in-no-mood eyes at her.

She ignored my narrowed, warning, indeed-I- am -in-no-mood eyes and kept going.

“Has it occurred to you that it’s you playing games by talking about all this deep shit with this guy you like, who seems to find a lot of excuses to be in your space, but not asking pertinent questions, like, ‘Are you into me?’”

“I didn’t want to say it, but…yeah,” Harlow switched teams and whispered her accord with Luna’s assessment.

“I mean, the man is hardly giving off mixed signals,” Luna remarked. “And, babe, love you, you know it. But you are.”

Wait.

What?

“I am?”

“Kinda… totally ,” Raye put in.

I looked to Harlow, and she didn’t verbally confirm. She stretched her lips out and turned them down. Which was nonverbal confirmation.

“Women get into this place where they think the man has to do all the work,” Luna declared. “Like, he has to be the one who texts. He’s gotta be the one who swings his ass out there. When, you know, he’s human too, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve got a vulva or a dick, getting shot down is no fun. The thing is, he keeps putting himself out there, and you’re not shooting him down, but you also don’t seem to be letting him in. I mean, on Thanksgiving, you said he was about to kiss you. When he left for the night and chucked you under the chin, before he did that, did you make it clear you wanted a goodnight kiss?”

“I was sleepy, he’d woken me up so I could lock up after him,” I defended.

“So that’s a no,” Raye remarked.

“I have to be giving off a vibe he can read,” I asserted.

“Jess, again, love you, you know it, but you’ve got resting ‘fuck off’ vibes,” Luna replied. “Eric’s got it going on. But I’m still surprised he had the balls to make a play in the first place.”

“You kinda do. With the ef off vibes,” Harlow said cautiously. “It’s only when you let people in where you realize how amazing you are.” She continued hurriedly, “I get it. With your folks. Guarding your heart and being careful who you let in. But I never got it before, you know, until yesterday when you gave us the full skinny about them. You’d always just told me your relationship with them was difficult. You never gave me the full story.”

Now she looked hurt.

Because I’d hurt her.

And she was right to be hurt.

They all were.

Crap, I’d built walls around myself, even with my besties, when there was absolutely zero reason to keep them out.

Damn.

“I’m sorry, Lolo,” I muttered. “It’s hard to talk about it. And it’s hard to explain. It wasn’t like they were abusive or anything. They just didn’t care.”

“That’s abusive, Jess,” Harlow countered.

“Others have it a lot worse,” I replied.

“I’m not best friends with others,” she shot back. “I’m best friends with you. And how you grew up stinks. And I don’t like it. But I get you now more than I ever did.” She smiled, it was a bit trembly, but she did it. “I just thought you were a kickass bee-yotch. And I’d always wanted to be friends with a kickass bee-yotch, and you’re the most kickass bee-yotch there is.”

Did people say “bee-yotch” anymore?

I didn’t ask that.

It went against the grain, but I knew it would mean something to her, and she meant everything to me, so I twisted in my seat, pulled her into my arms and hugged her.

“We are witnessing growth right this very instant, folks, and I’m here for it,” Raye joked.

I let Harlow go and shot a look at Raye, at the same time I pulled out my phone and dared, “Wanna see growth?”

“Hit us with it,” Luna invited.

I pulled up my contacts, found Eric, and disregarded my finger was shaky when I hit go on his number.

I put my phone to my ear.

It rang once (once!), and he greeted, “Hey, Jess. You good?”

“Hey. Yeah. I’m fine. Out for brunch with the girls, but I wanted to say thanks for coming over last night.”

“Not a problem.”

“It, uh…meant a lot.”

“Really not a problem, babe. Happy to do it.”

Shit.

Shit.

Fuck .

“I also wanted to know if you have plans for tonight?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Do I?” he asked back.

Why was that answer sexy AF?

“On No-Fucks-to-Giving, you got two movie picks, and I only got one. So I thought I’d order a pizza and we could even things out and watch Joy Ride .”

“How about you come to my place, and I’ll make us pizza, and we’ll watch Joy Ride ?”

Oh my God.

He was into me .

My clit started tingling, my heart started hammering, and I suddenly turned all girlie and shot big, happy eyes at my chicks.

Harlow lifted her hands and did the clapping motion without clapping so it wouldn’t make noise.

Raye and Luna just smiled at me.

“Jess? You there?” Eric called.

Oh shit.

“Yeah. I’m here. Sorry, our food was served,” I lied.

Raye snorted. Luna rolled her eyes. Harlow kept clapping silently.

“But that’d be good. What time?” I asked.

“Six work?”

“Yeah.”

“Great, babe. I’ll text my address.”

“Can I bring anything?”

“Just you. I’ll have us covered.”

Just me.

Oh man, that gooey feeling was coming back.

“Okay. Good. Awesome. Fantastic. Looking forward to it.” Must…stop…mouth! “See you then.”

“See you then, Jessie,” he purred.

Purred!

Jesus Christ.

He was totally into me!

“Bye,” I pushed out.

“Later, Jess.”

I hung up and gusted like I’d just run a hundred-yard dash, “That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life .”

“Worth it though, yeah?” Raye asked.

We would have to see.

I still nodded.

“What’s No-Fucks-to-Giving?” Harlow asked.

Maybe it was what I’d just done, and all it’d taken me to do it. Maybe it was all the emotion about Jeff and my parents surfacing. Maybe it was the fact I’d learned that I hadn’t been as good of a friend as I should be to the best friends you could have.

But when Harlow asked that, I busted out laughing.

Harlow was smiling tentatively when I was done, and I told her, “It’s what people with shit families call Thanksgiving.”

“Do you get turkey?” she asked.

I nodded. “And stuffing, and all the other good stuff that makes you need to unbutton your pants when you’re done shoving food in your face.”

“Oh my God, did you unbutton your pants in front of Eric?” Raye asked.

“He said it was a compliment to the chef.”

“And again , love you, you know it, but you really, really, really have had your head up your ass about this guy,” Luna remarked.

I couldn’t get pissed at her.

Because I had.

And I had a date with him that night.

So I was no longer in any mood to be pissed.

I was in the mood to hit up my brothers’ friends, hopefully find out something that would settle my mind, then go home and be more of a girl by picking out the perfect outfit, doing the perfect makeup, going and buying the perfect bottle of wine.

And having an at-his-house-for-pizza-and-a-movie date with a hot guy.

* * *

“I’m just gonna say, you know, you might have Eric, after tonight, if things keep going good,” Harlow started as we drove from Jeff’s bud number three, David, to Jeff’s bud number four, the last bud on my list, Joshua.

Newsflash: so far, none of them had heard from my brother.

“But if you find yourself in the zone again, you know, the bad one you mentioned at brunch, and you want company, you can call me,” Harlow finished.

“Me too. I’m just a couple of doors down,” Raye said. “I could be there in a jiffy.”

“Me three, I’m just across the courtyard,” Luna put in.

I would feel like a real asshole at how I’d kept these guys out if it didn’t feel so great having them in.

“Thanks, bitches,” I muttered as I pulled up in front of Joshua’s house.

I’d saved the best for last.

Joshua was Jeff’s longest-standing friend, and his closest one. If memory served, they’d been that to each other since they were twelve. Jeff was Joshua’s best man. Joshua’s wife, Katelyn, was super cool. She loved Jeff almost as much as Joshua did.

Most wives of husbands with friends who had troubles like Jeff wouldn’t be down to let him crash in their guest room for however long he needed.

But Katelyn was a nurse. Jeff did his best when he was with them because she helped him stay on top of his meds, she was careful about avoiding triggers, she also educated Joshua on that, and she busted her hump to make him feel welcome.

Even though Jeff resolutely stayed employed, no matter what shit jobs he had to take, and he insisted on paying rent, eventually, Jeff always decided he’d worn out his welcome, and I got that. I’d feel the same, obviously, since I very recently realized I hadn’t even allowed myself to unload the weight of my family issues on my chicks.

But in the end, if there was anyone Jeff would reach out to when he was in the wind, it’d be Joshua and Katelyn.

We trooped up to their cookie cutter, tile-roofed, xeriscaped, two-story house in Litchfield Park, and I rang the doorbell.

It took a while (the college games were on), but Joshua answered.

Instead of his face splitting into a grin, his usual response to seeing me, it curved into a cagey smile, something that told me Jeff was in contact with him.

But he didn’t want me to know.

“Hey, Jess! Wow! What a surprise!” He faked happiness.

“Hey, Joshua.” I turned and used my hand in a sweeping motion to the chicks, but I didn’t take my eyes off him. “Sorry to show without calling. These are my girls, Harlow, Luna and Raye. And we got some info about Jeff yesterday, so we’re out seeing if he’s checked in with anybody.”

“You got info from Jeff?” He faked not having his own info from Jeff.

“Yeah.”

“What’s that? Is he okay?” He faked not knowing Jeff was okay, or not, whatever the case might be.

I looked beyond him into his house. “Is Kat around?”

Katelyn would give me the skinny.

He didn’t move, which meant she wasn’t, and he told me why. “She’s at work.”

“Right, so, you haven’t heard from him?” I pushed.

He shook his head. “No. Not in a while. Still totally worried. Sucks you had to come all the way out here. You should have called.”

“Well, we were at David’s so…” I let that hang.

“Did you call David?” He was making a point.

“No. I just figured you’d all be in, you know, because of the football.”

“That’s what I’m doing. Watching U of A get their asses kicked.”

“Bummer,” I muttered.

“I’d ask you in, but…” It was his turn to let his words hang, probably because he had no excuse not to let us in, outside of us being totally rude and showing at his house unannounced, that was.

“Oh, we don’t want to bother you.” I could lie too. “I just…I have to ask. The thing I heard was that Jeff was something called a Street Warrior. Have you heard of that?”

His face paled (shit!), and he lied right back, “No. Never. What the hell is that?”

“I don’t know.” But you do! And you don’t like it! “I’m trying to find out. Because, you know, if Jeff isn’t taking his meds, he’s not really in any shape for much of anything. He needs seeing to.”

Joshua caught himself stretching his neck to release tension before he suggested, “Maybe, I don’t know, he got back on his meds or something.”

That meant Jeff was back on his meds.

I couldn’t deny that was a massive relief. Especially if Katelyn oversaw that situation.

Even so.

“Joshua, I really need to know where my brother is.”

“Jess, I really would tell you if I knew where he was,” Joshua replied.

I couldn’t read that.

Did it mean he actually didn’t know where Jeff was, even if Jeff was in communication?

Or was he still lying, and he did know where he was, and for some screwed up reason, he wouldn’t tell me?

I looked away and said as a veiled threat, “Maybe I should call Katelyn.”

“No,” Joshua stated firmly. “Kat doesn’t know where he is either.”

“Okay, Joshua, straight up, it feels like you’re keeping something from me.”

Shocking me, because Joshua was a good guy, I’d always liked him, he’d always liked me, and I’d never seen him do it before, nothing close, I watched his face harden.

He then replied, “Okay, Jessica, straight up. If Jeff needed me to do something for him, you know I’d do it for him, and you know I wouldn’t ask questions or deviate from his wishes. Even for you. But honest to Christ, I don’t know where he is. But if shit wasn’t right, you also know I’d tell you.”

I felt a modicum of relief that Joshua thought shit with Jeff was right.

On the other hand, they’d gotten kicked out of a bowling alley once for “human bowling” during which they wore helmets, and frankly, even though my brother had explained it to me, I still couldn’t comprehend how they tossed each other down the lanes into the pins.

I just knew they got kicked out for trying, and I knew that particular shenanigan was Joshua’s idea.

“Do you know about this Street Warrior business?” I pushed.

He clamped his mouth shut and glowered at me.

So no more lying, because I called him on it, just no more talking.

Right.

“When you talk to him again, you tell him I’m looking for him, and it’d be nice he checked in with his big sis since I’ve been worried sick about him,” I snapped.

“Will do,” he clipped, glanced beyond me and said, “Ladies.”

He then shut the door in my face.

The gall!

Fuck him.

I was so totally contacting Katelyn.

I saw the error of my ways in that moment. I should have bypassed Joshua and went right to her.

I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Though, if she was on shift, I wouldn’t bother her. She worked twelve-hour shifts and dealt with enough shit during it, she didn’t need mine.

I’d text her tomorrow and hope she wasn’t working.

We all trooped back to my Mini and squeezed in.

“I know you’re pissed, and I know this is heavy stuff, but if Harlow’s sister came looking for her, and Harlow told you not to say anything, you wouldn’t say anything,” Raye pointed out before I turned on the ignition.

“Harlow doesn’t have a sister,” I reminded her, purposefully being obtuse because I was pissed and frustrated, though not in equal measure at that juncture.

Harlow, by the by, only had a Golden Boy older brother who I really tried to like the few times I’d met him, but he was such an arrogant shithead, it was hard.

“You get what I’m saying,” Raye went on.

“Huh,” I grunted, then fired up my baby and set us motoring.

“Okay, the day wasn’t a bust. My guess from what we just heard is that Jeff is back to taking care of himself,” Harlow noted.

“Yeah.” I was still grunting.

“And he’s in touch with someone, so not in the wind,” Harlow kept searching for the silver lining.

“Yeah,” I repeated.

“And that guy will probably tell him to contact you, so maybe he will.” Harlow was a dog with a bone with her damned positivity.

“He knows what this Street Warrior gig is, and he didn’t share, which doesn’t say good things to me,” I announced.

“Yeah. Dude got real freaked when that came up,” Luna mumbled from the back seat.

“This doesn’t give me fuzzy, happy vibes,” I stated.

No one said anything.

“I’m texting Katelyn tomorrow. She’s the shit. She’ll give me the skinny,” I announced.

“I think that’s a good plan,” Raye said.

“And remember. We heard back from Arthur, and he’s looking into it too. So between the Angels, the Hottie Squad and Arthur, we’ll crack it,” Luna put in.

I hoped so.

“Not that what we’re discussing isn’t important,” Harlow said. “But we’re in suburbia and they have a lot of shops. Do you know what you’re wearing to Eric’s tonight? Or do you need to go shopping?”

“I’m wearing my white shorts, black men’s-style button-down, my silver belt and my silver sandals,” I stated.

“The short shorts?” Harlow whispered, agog.

“The short shorts,” I confirmed.

“The silver flat sandals? Or the silver high, platform wedges?” Raye asked.

“Duh. Wedges,” I answered.

“Oh my God. That’s like the best, at-home-for-pizza-and-a-movie-please-God-feel-me-up-when-we-eventually-make-out outfit ever ,” Luna gushed.

Luna wasn’t a gusher.

Which meant I was smiling when I said, “You got that right, sister.”

Harlow giggled.

Raye chuckled.

Luna patted me on the shoulder then shoved a thumb’s up beside my face from the back.

I turned onto the ramp for I-10.

It was nearing three. It took about half an hour to get back to the city.

This meant I’d have about two and a half hours to spruce up, find a great bottle, and make it to Eric’s house in the Biltmore area.

Perfect timing.

I was nervous AF.

And I couldn’t wait.