Page 47 of Baby Take Me Home

Ashlee

I wokeup at 5 a.m. on Friday with my mind racing. But for once, I wasn’t thinking about the past and what had happened six months ago. Instead, I was thinking about the days ahead of us. Since living out my fantasy about having sex in a nearly public place, I’d been sleeping more peacefully and waking up feeling more rested than I had in half a year. And then having the energy for exuberant—if very private—sex.

For so many months, I’d thought all I needed to heal—and what I’d needed from TJ—was the truth about the kidnapping and Aiden’s death, but he'd realized I needed more. I needed the freedom to experience all of my feelings, even the darkest ones, and not feel like a freak. So he gave that to me. And any time I asked, I knew he would give it to me again. And again and again.

When I stretched, he shifted and pulled me closer, spooning me. He sleepily kissed my neck, then whispered in my ear. “Everything okay?”

“Just happy to wake up here. And maybe I’m a little nervous about tonight.”

“Totally normal,” he said. “But you’re prepared, and I’ll be with you the entire time, and the team will be in your ear.”

“Except when we go dark and you sneak off to Luka’s data room.” It was those fifteen minutes that were critical to HEAT’s operation, but also to mine.

I turned in his arms to face him. In the low light of pre-dawn, I could just make out his intense brown eyes and long lashes as he blinked, slowly waking up. I always felt closest to him in the first few minutes of our day, wrapped in his arms, remembering a passionate night of making love followed by talking way too late into the wee hours.

Tomorrow morning would be different. We would wake up in Luka Kovac’s house, fake smile our way through brunch with him, Izak, and their guests, and then return to our lives. For TJ, thatmeant HEAT, and for me, it meant my lonely house. I’d never thought of it that way before I’d met him. But when I’d gone home last Sunday thinking I’d never be in his arms again, I’d realized this wasn’t just a fling. Then he’d said those words to me over the phone, words we’d never discussed again, not even on Tuesday, after the most intense sex of either of our lives.

TJ stroked my cheek. “What are you thinking?”

So many thoughts, I didn’t know where to begin. I took the coward’s way out. “Have you ever been to an overnight dinner party? That’s weird, isn’t it?”

“I have,” he said. “You’ll be shocked—not—that it was hosted by Cassandra. I don’t know if it’s weird, but it does seem indulgent, expecting your guests to want to stay with you for—what?—18 hours?” He propped himself up on one elbow and furrowed his brow. “This must bring up bad memories for you. The harbor cruise was supposed to be a dinner party, then turned into an overnight event when Malone faked an engine problem.”

“Oh god, I hadn’t put that together. I thought I was just having a bad case of nerves, but this does have eerie similarities.”

“One big difference this time is I’ll be with you. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.” He cupped my cheek. “We screwed up last time, not realizing you and Brooks had been detained after our agents left the ship. I won’t leave without you this time.”

I propped myself up to look into his eyes. “That wasn’t your fault, and you saved my life.”

“It was a team effort.”

“That’s not what I mean. Yes, it was a big, coordinated effort, and Cynthia and Mai are the ones who literally carried me to safety. But I was broken when I came out of the hull of that ship.” I blinked back tears, remembering the deep, dark hole that was inside me, a hole I’d thought I’d never fill again. “It’s taken months, and I’m still not entirely healed, but there was a moment when I knew Iwouldheal. I was on a gurney, being lifted into an ambulance. There was a voice from somewhere. Honest to god—which I’m agnostic about, by the way—I thought it was an angel. Your words, your voice, your promise that I was going to be okay, that’s kept me going these past six months.”

“Thank you for saying that. Thank you for thinking the absolute best about me that a person could.” He kissed me softly, slowly. “A man could get used to the way that makes him feel.”

“Could? I was hoping he already had.”

He stared at my lips, then looked into my eyes. “Tomorrow, when all this is over, I hopewewon’t be.”

“So what you said Sunday...”

“You mean the thing you said no comment about? Yes, I meant it. I’ve wanted to bring it up again, but I didn’t want to distract us from prepping for tonight’s op. And in case you don’t feel the same way... Shit, I should have waited until tomorrow for this.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” I traced the stubble on his cheek. “I want to keep seeing you, too.”

He frowned. “Before you agree to that, you should understand that I won’t be able to share things about my work. There’s a big part of my life that will be a black hole.”

“I know everything I need to know about you, TJ Russo.” I knew his heart, and the way he loved: fiercely, unapologetically, whether it was his country or his team or his family. The way he was maybe beginning to love me. I pushed on his chest to make him lie on his back, then crawled on top of him. “And don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ll be happy knowing less about HEAT and its enemies. I think I’ll sleep better at night.”

He curled a lock of my hair around his finger. “As long as you still wake up the same way every morning.”

I grinned. “What way is that?”

With one swift move, he flipped me over on my back. “Let me show you,” he whispered against my lips. And he spent the next hour doing just that.

PART4

THE KOVAC JOB