Page 5

Chapter Five: Spin

I lost my mother when I was just a kid, and my father wasn’t a kind man. The combination could have made me withdraw from people, but instead it caused me to seek them out, longing for human touch and companionship. The best way I can explain it is that being physically close to people I care about is somehow vital to my well-being. It makes me feel secure and content in my skin. So, why does being close to P’Park make my heart gallop and the back of my neck tingle? When we performed in the play, I developed a crush on him, so of course I was rattled every time he came near me. But what’s my excuse now? A lot of time has passed. We’re virtual strangers. But dancing with him again reminded me how good it felt to be in his arms, and sitting beside him now, his body turned toward mine as we go over the script, I feel breathless and murky-headed .

“Good morning!” Khun Aat, the acting coach, strides up and pulls a chair close to where P’Park and I sit. He’s a small man with a sharp nose, trimmed goatee, and a smile that immediately puts me at ease.

Suddenly realizing my hand is resting on P’Park’s thick thigh, I jerk it away in mortification, proving my thought that he affects me differently than others do .

“Park, it’s good to see you.” Khun Aat turns to me. “Hello, Spin. I’m looking forward to working with you. Let’s talk about the characters you two are playing, starting with your character, Boom.”

For the next hour, we discuss my character’s personality and motivation. When I first made up my mind to audition for the series, despite Cushion telling me repeatedly that the character of Boom would be perfect for me, I auditioned for the part Aod is playing. But the producers asked me to read for Boom, and I have to admit it feels like playing myself, as Boom is shy, yet determined; independent, yet affectionate; stubborn, yet giving.

When I tell Khun Aat this, he warns me that playing someone so like myself might be more difficult than I think.

“You’ll have to face some demons,” he warns me. I nod even though I’m not entirely sure what he means by that. What could be easier than being yourself? I’m excited for the challenge, though. My last part was pretty dry.

When Khun Aat launches into what P’Park’s character, Khao, is like, I watch P’Park listen to him. I learned back when we did the play that he’s a focused person and something of a perfectionist, and I enjoy watching the wheels turning in his head as he processes things.

Eventually, Khun Aat finishes with us, stands, and claps his hands together.

“Let’s run through a scene. Page thirty-seven.”

As we read our lines aloud, Khun Aat stops us now and then to make suggestions.

“Boom should be more wary here. He’s feeling raw due to a past relationship that’s recently come to an abrupt close. Spin, can you relate to that?”

I nod. I definitely could. Although P’Bang and I never dated, it felt like we did. We held hands, put our arms around each other. He took care of me. People saw us as a couple and said our names together. We went places and spent long periods of time in each other’s company. We shared a kiss—more than once because we had to do several takes. To me, it had felt like the beginning of something no matter how many times I reminded myself that what we were doing was acting and fanservice and definitely not real .

Still, when our ship was well-received, I expected to stay with P’Bang and be his partner for a long time. When that didn’t happen, it felt like a break-up.

Khun Aat’s advice changes the way I read the line, and a thrill runs through me when I feel the difference. The scene we’re reading occurs later in the script when Boom and Khao are well acquainted, and, gradually, we sink into our roles and relax with each other.

“We want to feel the sexual tension here,” Khun Aat says, stopping us again later in the scene. “Park, as Khao, this is the scene where you realize you’re attracted to Boom. You want this man you’ve gotten to know so well over the past few weeks, but even so, a part of him is still a mystery to you. You never expected this, as you have only been attracted to women in the past.” He turns to me. “Spin, Boom is becoming aware that Khao is attracted to him, and it’s frightening. You don’t want a repeat of your last relationship. However, at the midpoint of this scene, the pull becomes irresistible. Unfortunately, we can’t change the sequence of filming due to the availability of the house, so you’re going to have to work hard to make your established connection believable onscreen.”

We go through the scene several times, just reading it, and then we try it while blocking out the movements. I have forgotten how crazy it feels to have P’Park so focused on me—he’s such a strong presence, emanating warmth and vitality, like his body’s buzzing beneath his skin. It almost feels like he’s a battery recharging me. It isn’t any wonder I crushed hard on him years ago. Dutifully, I remind myself this isn’t real and that the last thing I need is another crush to complicate things, but at the same time I’m so thankful to be in a partnership with him. I feel like we can do great things together.

“Now, that’s chemistry,” Khun Aat says at the end of the seventh reading. “Let’s break for lunch.”

Ten minutes later, P’Park and I walk down the street on our way to a nearby restaurant, our arms brushing with every step, the warmth radiating off him seeping into me. “You fell into your role quickly,” I say.

“So did you.”

“So far, it’s easy because I’m a lot like Boom. I hope I can do a good job with this role.”

“You can. I believe in you.”

When we reach the small restaurant, P’Park opens the door for me.

He chooses a table near the back where the hot sun isn’t shining through the windows, and we order stir-fried vegetables and soup. The bell over the door rings, and I look up to see Cream, P’Daeng, Aod, and P’Pear walking in. I wave them over to sit with us.

“Have they been working you hard this morning?” I ask them after they give the wait staff their orders.

“I haven’t had to do a thing yet,” Cream says. “I’ve been alternating between studying my lines and watching P’Daeng and Aod run through a scene. Aod’s character, Bear, is so funny. You play him so well, Aod. You have great comedic timing.”

“Yeah, I was shocked at how funny he is,” P’Daeng agrees.

“Thanks.” Aod smiles.

“From what I’ve seen this morning, I think the Champ/Bear storyline is going to be a hit,” Cream says. “How did you two do?” She looks at me and P’Park .

“We’re working on a difficult scene that we’re going to have to begin filming next week,” P’Park says. “I think we made a lot of headway today, though. What do you think, Nong?” He turns to me, and a rush of adrenaline hits me at having his attention focused on me again, as well as at the familiar form of address to someone younger. I realize I’m unintentionally leaning closer to him and pull back.

“I agree. Khun Aat is awesome.”

“Has Khun Lee been hounding you about your ship?” Aod asks us. “She blasted me and P’Daeng about getting closer.”

“I think she just really wants us to succeed,” I say, not wanting to cast Khun Lee in a bad light.

“I’m sure she does,” P’Daeng says. “But does she do it for us or for herself?”

“Can’t it be for both?” I ask.

P’Daeng shakes his head. “In this industry, it usually isn’t. Agents can be brutally tough on actors. Watch your back with her.”

“It’s got to be worse for you guys,” Aod says. “I heard her talking, and she’s determined that you two are going to outshine Tar and Payu’s ship.” He chuckles. “Good luck with that, by the way. Those two have fanservice down to a fine art. People think they’re secretly living together and hiding it because of Payu’s homophobic grandmother.”

“Good thing for us, I love a challenge,” I say, smiling. Then, realizing that might sound like I’m saying P’Park will be a challenge to act attracted to, I add, “I’m sure P’Park and I can beat them.”

I notice P’Pear’s been staring at P’Park. Like, a lot. She’s barely taken her eyes off him since she sat down. I can’t blame her if she is attracted to him, of course. He’s a very goodlooking guy. But the feeling I get when she does it reminds me I can’t allow myself to get any weird, possessive feelings for P’Park just because we’re a shipped couple.

“Are you enjoying your job, P’Pear?” I ask to include her in the conversation.

Blinking a couple times as though she’s pulling herself out of her thoughts, she says, “My job? Yes. It’s a lot of fun so far. I love working with makeup, but I hear we’re going to have some really early mornings and late nights that will be challenging.”

“Definitely,” P’Park says. “It can get brutal. You’ll have to cover up the bags under our eyes every morning.”

She laughs. “But who is going to cover up the bags under mine?”

I suddenly get the feeling that they know each other well, but didn’t P’Pear just start working at SPPT recently?

Aod starts talking about makeup, and soon lunch is over and it’s time to return to the studio. I nearly trip on the sidewalk when P’Park takes my hand.

“Is this okay?” he asks me. “I thought more skinship will help us with our scenes.”

“Sure,” I say, hoping he can’t feel me trembling. It feels so nice to be holding his hand out in public. Bang often put his arm around me when we were in front of fans, but he never held my hand like this—so casually, as though we should always be doing it.

You’re thinking too much, Spin.

Jitters erupt in my stomach when Khun Aat and the director, P’Big, announce that we are going to practice the first kiss.

Already?

“I hope that isn’t going to be a problem.” Khun Aat notices my panic. “Normally, we wouldn’t jump into a kiss so early on, but we don’t have much of a choice.”

“No problem,” I say, swallowing hard and avoiding P’Park’s gaze .

P’Big stands in front of us. “When the scene begins, Khao has just walked through the front door, and you are across the room from each other. By the time we get to the kiss, you will have made your way to each other so that you are standing close together.” Taking each of us by the arm, he tugs us so we are only a breath apart. “I want it to be a soft touch of the lips. Barely there at first. Then more.”

“More?” I ask, my voice a squeak.

“Just go with it this first time. We’ll discuss it after.” P’Big motions for us to begin, and I finally meet P’Park’s gaze. Clearing his throat, he stares at me for a long moment, and I realize he’s getting into his role. I try to do the same, running through Khao and Boom’s history in my head. By the time P’Park closes his eyes and leans in, my heart beats a drum solo in my ears, but I’m Boom, and I want this kiss.

His lips gently glide over mine.

“Again,” P’Big says. He’s still standing really close to us—so close, I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear my heart slamming against my ribcage.—and it should be weird, but now that I’m in my role, I barely notice.

P’Park brushes his lips against mine again, this time with more intention, and our mouths move carefully over one another. I realize I’m holding my breath when I start to feel a little faint. When P’Park moves away from me, I try to mask the big gulp of air I take.

“Work with them,” P’Big says to Khun Aat before starting off across the room toward P’Daeng and Aod.

Does that mean we didn’t do it right? Concerned, I look at P’Park, but he doesn’t seem bothered, so I tell myself not to be.

Khun Aat approaches us. “Sit on the floor and get comfortable. Relax. No, sit closer.”

I scoot forward until my knees touch P’Park’s.

“Hold hands,” Khun Aat instructs us .

Placing my palms in P’Park’s, I’m hyper aware of how cold they must feel against his skin. But I’m also aware that touching him like this is much easier than it was even just this morning. Skinship work really does help a lot.

“Good. Now, steadily look into each other’s eyes, working past the awkwardness. When you feel more comfortable, you can let your eyes roam, but for now, keep them on each other’s faces.”

It takes a while for me to get past the feeling that an army of ants are crawling all over me as I stare awkwardly into P’Park’s inky black eyes. Breathing deeply, I concentrate on the details. Their shape is slightly elongated, with a mono-lid, giving him an exotic look. His brow is heavy, his nose long, and his cheekbones high. Those features, along with a sharp jawline, form a decidedly attractive whole that undoubtedly is the reason he has so many fans.

“Okay,” Khun Aat says, and I startle slightly, having forgotten about the acting coach. “Lean a little closer to each other. Spin—or, rather, Boom. I want you to gently kiss Khao’s forehead.”

Breath catching in my throat, I hesitate a moment before slowly leaning forward and doing as he says, softly planting my lips on the slope of P’Park’s forehead where a few strands of midnight-black hair hang into his eyes.

“Good,” Khun Aat says. “Now his cheek…and his other cheek. Now under each eye, the tip of his nose, the corner of his mouth, his chin.” The faint stubble on P’Park’s face feels electric against my lips. On impulse, I run my tongue along it with my next kiss, a barely-there touch, and then hover there, letting my warm breath tickle his damp skin. My face heats at my boldness.

“Good.” Khun Aat sounds pleased. “Now Khao. Kiss Boom’s forehead. ”

Curling my fingers against his wrists, I watch as P’Park leans closer and closer until he’s just a blur and my eyes threaten to cross. I close them as his lips brush my chin, each cheek, my forehead, my nose, each eye. It feels nice. Swaying a little, I open my eyes to meet P’Park’s gaze. I mean Khao’s. He’s Khao, and you’re Boom. Remember that.

He smiles at me, and my heart jumps in my chest.

P’Big returns. “How’s it going?”

“Very well,” Khun Aat says.

“Let’s try the kiss again, then, this time running through the scene first.” P’Big motions for us to get up.

Standing, P’Park and I fall into character more quickly this time. When we begin the scene, I feel the awareness Boom has for Khao, then the rising tension as they quarrel, and the rush of adrenaline as the argument escalates. Emotion chokes me by the time P’Park lowers his mouth to mine, the moment a million times stronger than before we did the touching exercise. Boom’s emerging feelings and overwhelming desire for Khao pull a gasp from my throat at the first brush of his mouth against mine.

“Good,” P’Big says.

I blink a few times, and when I look at the director, he’s smiling.

“You both did well. Kind of wish I had that one on film. Let’s move on to the final scene at the house.”

By the time the workshop’s over, the sun has set, I’m wrung out, and I just want to sleep. I have a feeling I’m going to be exhausted by the time this series is finished.