Page 39 of Baby, It’s You (Clairesville #1)

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T he second I put my lips on Hunter’s, I know I'm screwed. This isn’t just lust; I like him. I really like him.

His strong arms reach around me and grip the back of my hair as he continues to kiss me. He pulls me even closer, like he’s trying to show me every last drop of passion that consumes him in this moment. I can’t help moaning into his mouth and wrapping my own arms around the back of his head.

I never want this moment to end. The environment around us has completely faded away.

I feel like I’m on my own private little island with him, not standing on the stage of the bar.

I feel unimaginably safe and secure in his muscular arms. The feeling consumes me and almost makes me want to cry.

I have longed to have this, deep down; I’ve dreamed of this type of intimacy with a man.

But admitting this to myself scares the crap out of me.

I think of my mother and how she constantly threw everything away for her boyfriends.

The negative thoughts begin to consume me, and it only gets worse as I start to think of all the horrible relationships that I’ve nursed Ivy back from.

The intrusive thoughts take over and cause me to pull back from our kissing.

I look up at Hunter. He looks flushed and thrilled until he sees my expression.

“I’m sorry,” I say to him, and his expression turns to hurt and confusion as I back away from him slowly, and then run off the stage.

The audience that was cheering and celebrating us a moment ago goes silent. Some people turn back to their conversations and the room begins to fill with chatter again. I’m grateful for them, the regulars, trying to make it less awkward.

I burst through the kitchen door and walk over to the office, where I lean against the wall and breathe heavily. I hear someone come up behind me and know it’s Rob.

“I need to go home,” I tell him, feeling nauseous as I can’t slow my breathing.

“Okay, okay. Try to calm down.” He rests his large, rough hand on my back, as I continue to hyperventilate.

“Fuck,” I cry out, and slide down to the tile floor. I bury my face in my hands. “I just ruined everything.”

Rob sits down next to me. “The kiss?” he asks quietly.

I groan through my hands, refusing to meet his eyes. “Yeah. I can tell that Hunter likes me. I like him, too, but not in the same way,” I lie to myself and Rob. “I got caught up in the moment and I wanted to kiss him. So, I did.”

“It seemed like you enjoyed yourself on stage.” Rob nudges my shoulder, and I pull back from my hands to look up at him. He has an eyebrow raised and a playful smirk on his face.

“Yeah, but now I just led him on, like an idiot.”

“You wouldn’t date him?”

I shake my head. “I can't handle that. I’m not in a good headspace.”

“I get that,” Rob says. “But let me just play devil’s advocate and ask you when you would ever say you are in a good headspace to meet someone?

” I glare at him. “I'm always going to shoot it to you straight, you know that. You’re like a little sister to me so I will call you on your bullshit when I think it’s bullshit.

In my opinion, you will always make an excuse, even if the right guy walks into your life. You need to stop running away.”

I am hurt by what he says to me, but what makes me even more angry is that I know he’s right. I’m angry at myself more than anything.

“I can't listen to this right now,” I tell him, knowing I’m deflecting from the truth. I stand back up and adjust my dress.

Rob nods his head. “Okay, fine. I won't press anymore. Just know I love you and I only want the best for you. I tell you this because I want you to share your life with someone that brings it value. Life is better with someone that gets you and stands by you through everything. Missy is my lighthouse in a storm. I want you to find your lighthouse.”

I shuffle anxiously on my feet. “I hear you, but I need to get back to work,” I tell him, wiping under my eyes quickly.

He looks satisfied at the fact that I’m at least staying here. I turn away from Rob and head back out the kitchen door, ready to talk to Hunter. I need to tell him that I made a mistake kissing him. That I value his friendship and don’t want to lose the bond we have created.

I know he won’t stop doing the video series, even if he’s upset with me right now. I don’t have to worry about that because I know Hunter is a man of honor. Once he commits to something, he sticks to it, and he would never want the bar to get sold and taken away from everyone that loves it.

When I look around, my shoulders fall. Hunter and Eddie are no longer here.

“If you’re looking for him, he left,” Rick says from his stool.

“Shit.”

I jog out of the bar to see if his car is still in the parking lot, but he’s gone.

I just want to be able to explain myself to him.

Looking up at the stars lining the dark night sky, I wish I could be anywhere but here.

I feel stuck in my life right now, like everyone else is in control of my fate with Tripp, the puppet master, pulling my strings.

I need Hunter, that I know.

I pull out my phone and start writing him a text.

Hunter, please let me call you after my shift. I need to talk to you.

By the time I close the bar hours later and clean up after my shift ends, my phone still sits without a reply. I feel like I’ve lost one of the only people that has ever made me feel secure in my life.