Page 17 of Awakened Destiny (The Dark Ascendant #3)
Lochan
I knock on the door, my knuckles rapping twice against the wood. Her voice is quiet when she answers.
“ Come in.”
I push the door open, stepping inside and closing it softly behind me. The room smells like her, warm and floral. She ’ s sitting by the window, her back to me, her silhouette sharp against the fading light outside. Her hair spills over her shoulders, dark and heavy, catching the last of the sun. She doesn ’ t turn around.
“ Have you been in here all day again?” I ask, my voice low. It ’ s not an accusation, but it ’ s not gentle either. I don ’ t know how to make it gentle.
She nods, still not looking at me. Her shoulders are tense, like she ’ s bracing for something. I hate that she does that, like I ’ m someone she needs to brace for. My fault. I take a step closer, then another, moving slow. I don ’ t want to spook her.
“ Brigid,” I say, stopping a few feet away. My hands hang at my sides, useless. I don ’ t know what to do with them. “ I know I said sorry. I know you accepted it. But it ’ s not enough.”
She doesn ’ t answer. She just sits there, her fingers twisting in her lap. I can see the way her nails dig into her palms, leaving little marks. I want to reach out, to pull her hands apart, to make her stop hurting herself. But I don ’ t. I stay where I am.
“ You have my heart,” I say, the words rough in my throat. “ If you still want it.”
She turns her head then, just enough to look at me over her shoulder. Her eyes are like storm clouds, and they ’ re impossible to read. I can ’ t tell if she ’ s angry, or sad, or just tired. Maybe all three.
I wait.
I don ’ t know what else to do. My chest feels tight, like something ’ s squeezing it. I ’ ve never been good at this, at saying the right thing, at making her believe me. But I ’ ll keep trying. I ’ ll keep trying for the rest of our lives, if that ’ s what it takes.
She doesn ’ t speak. She just looks at me, and I feel like she ’ s seeing every fucking thing I ’ ve ever done wrong. Every time I pushed her away, every time I made her feel like she wasn ’ t enough. Every time I made her feel like she was dangerous.
“ I ’ m here,” I say, my voice cracking a little. “ I ’ m not going anywhere.”
She turns back to the window, and for a moment, I think she ’ s going to shut me out again. But then she sighs, a soft exhale that seems to carry the weight of everything we ’ ve been through.
I take another step closer, close enough to touch her if I reach out. But I don ’ t. Not yet.
“ I was so wrong, Brigid. About you. About us. About everything. I let my own fucking pride and fear cloud what I knew was true. You ’ re not something to be afraid of. You ’ re... you ’ re everything.”
She shifts in her seat, turning a little more toward me. Her eyes search mine, and I let her look. I let her see whatever she needs to see, all the regret, the longing, the way my heart beats for her and only her. I don ’ t hide anymore. I ’ ll never hide from her again.
“ I want to believe you,” she says softly, her fingers uncurling from her palms. “ But it ’ s hard. You hurt me, Lochan.
“ I know.” The words burn on my tongue. “ And I ’ ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me.”
Her lips move, as though she ’ s on the verge of saying something, but she doesn ’ t. She stands, slow, deliberate. My heart hammers in my chest, loud enough that I ’ m sure she can hear it. She moves toward me, those stormy eyes locked on mine, and I see my entire world in them.
Her hand finds mine, and I freeze.
It ’ s not what I expected—not after everything. Her touch is soft but firm, like she ’ s testing me. I don ’ t dare move, don ’ t dare breathe, afraid I ’ ll scare her off if I do. Then her thumb brushes over my knuckles, the barest hint of pressure, and I know my heart is about to spontaneously combust.
“ Brigid,” I start, my voice rough, but she shakes her head, silencing me. Her other hand lifts, hovering near my chest like she ’ s deciding whether to push me away or pull me in. I stand there, letting her take the lead, letting her decide. It ’ s her call now. It will always be her call from now on.
All the shit I ’ ve tried to bury under duty and distance? It ’ s all there, laid bare between us, and I can ’ t hide from it anymore. I step closer, my free hand rising to cup her face, my thumb lightly gliding down her jaw. She doesn ’ t flinch. Doesn ’ t pull away. Her breath hitches, just slightly.
“ I ’ m here,” I murmur, my voice rough with the weight of everything I ’ m trying to say. “ However you want me. Whatever you need. I ’ m here.”
Her eyes search mine, and for the first time, I think she sees it—the truth I ’ ve been too fucking scared to admit.
That she owns me. Heart, body, soul.
She always has.
Her fingers tighten around mine, and she leans into my touch, her lips parting like she ’ s about to speak. But words aren ’ t what she gives me. Instead, she steps closer, her body brushing against mine, and I feel the heat of her, the way she trembles just slightly, like she ’ s holding herself together by a thread.
I don ’ t push. Don ’ t pull. I stand there, letting her set the pace, letting her decide how far this goes. I want her more than any man has ever wanted a woman, but I keep myself still, waiting. I ’ ll wait until the end of time for her.
Her hand slips out of mine, and for a second, I think she ’ s going to walk away. But then her fingers curl into the front of my shirt, gripping it like she ’ s anchoring herself to me. Her voice is soft, barely above a whisper.
“ I understand you more now,” she says, her eyes fixed on mine. There ’ s pain in them, and that makes my chest tighten. “ I was dangerous, Lochan. The Morrigan—she used me. She used my memories, my thoughts, my body, my hands, to—” Her voice cracks, and she looks away, but not before I see the guilt etched into every line of her face.
My stomach twists. I know what she ’ s talking about. The two men. The blood. The way the Morrigan had twisted Brigid into something monstrous. I can still see the aftermath, the way their bodies had lain broken and lifeless.
“ It wasn ’ t you,” I say, my voice firm, even as I feel the weight of my own guilt pressing down on me. “ Brigid, listen to me. It wasn ’ t you. You didn ’ t do that. You didn ’ t have control.”
She shakes her head, her fingers tightening in my shirt. “ But it was. I hated them. I even wished them dead. And now they are dead… because of me.”
“ No.” The word comes out sharper than I mean it to, and I take a step closer, crowding her space, but she doesn ’ t back away. “ You ’ re not responsible for what she did.” My voice falters, and I swallow hard, forcing myself to say the words I ’ ve been carrying around like a stone in my chest. “ It ’ s my fault that you think of yourself like that.”
For a moment, she just stares at me, her eyes wide and searching. Then, slowly, she leans into me, her forehead resting against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close, and she doesn ’ t resist. Her body feels small against mine, fragile in a way that makes me want to protect her from everything, even herself.
“ It ’ s not your fault,” I murmur into her hair, my voice low and steady. “ Nothing that happened was because of you. And I ’ m sorry for every fucking second I made you feel like it was.”
She doesn ’ t say anything, but I feel her nod, just slightly, and I hold her tighter, letting the silence settle between us.
“You ’ re the strongest person I know,” I say, my voice rough but steady. “ What you ’ ve been through—what you ’ re still carrying—most people would ’ ve broken under that weight. But not you. You ’ re still here, still fighting. That ’ s why I admire you. Why I.... ” I pause, swallowing hard, “ why I want to be more like you.”
I hear her intake of breath as she tilts her head back to look at me and just watches me, her expression unreadable.
I reach up, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. My hand lingers, my fingers tracing the curve of her cheek before I pull back, afraid I ’ ve overstepped. But she shifts closer, her form against me, and I feel the tension between us shift, disappearing into something deeper.
Her fingers tighten around mine. I can feel the heat of her skin, the way her pulse quickens under my touch. It ’ s like the air itself has changed, charged in a way that makes it hard to breathe. I don ’ t know if I should step back or pull her closer, but her gaze is steady, and I know.
She ’ s letting me in. Not just physically, but in every way that matters.
My throat feels dry, and I don ’ t trust myself to speak, so I don ’ t. Instead, I let my actions say what words can ’ t. I close the distance until there is nothing between us.
For a moment, we just stand there, breathing each other in, the world fading away. I force myself not to move, to let Brigid set the pace. She ’ s in control here, and I won ’ t take that away from her.
Her lips part, like she ’ s about to say something, but then she stops, her eyes searching mine. I don ’ t know what she ’ s looking for, but I hope she finds it. I hope she sees the truth in my eyes—the way I feel about her, the way I ’ ll never stop trying to be better for her.
And then, finally, she speaks. “ Lochan.”